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Song, About the way I feel
A losing hand.
Posted: Sunday, February 21, 2016 2:46 PM
Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 367

I like this song because this is exactly how I feel. Maybe someone else will like it also.

Merle Haggard I,d trade all of my tomorrows

Posted: Monday, February 22, 2016 8:50 PM
Joined: 11/28/2012
Posts: 211

I've been thinking about your post off and on since I read it.  The song really touched me, because I played a lot of country music for my mom. 

This is what I'm finding: 

There are some times (and that's usually when I post on here!) that the pain of the losing mom feels too hard, way too hard.  It's usually when I've had trouble sleeping, that next day just feels hard. Then, by the late afternoon, I'm just not as likely to be able to cope with my emotions, they just seem too large.

When I'm more rested, I can get into projects, talk to friends, etc.  That feeling of loss is still with me, but I can enjoy life. 

So these are the things that I'm really watching out for:  getting enough rest, and not letting myself get too isolated.

I rely on my friends to let me talk about my mom and how much I miss her.  This really helps.  I still feel the loss, and honestly, sometimes if feels like a physical sensation of hurt, but I'm able to cope. I'm able to enjoy my life.

So, what I hope for you is that in spite of the awful times, that there are plenty of other good experiences going on!

Hope to hear back...


A losing hand.
Posted: Wednesday, February 24, 2016 11:06 AM
Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 367


 I hope the music you played for your mom wasn't as sad as the song I posted. Twice you said that sometimes your still able to enjoy life. That's great, and I'm happy that you can. In another reply you say that you have a big family, so maybe that helps you. I don't know.

 II'm older than you.  My wife and I were married 56 years, 4 months, so for me there's nothing left. Maybe it's because I don't want to go on, so I won't try. Sooner it's over the better. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I don't know.

 Anyway, thanks for the reply, take care of yourself, and I hope you get back in the fast lane.

  Good luck.

Posted: Thursday, February 25, 2016 1:19 AM
Joined: 9/4/2014
Posts: 418

I always liked country music, but I have a hard time getting into life too, I feel like that most days, most friends are dead , my kids are a pain, sorry for the downner, just how I feel, one of my lady friends husband died and she would ask me  to help her die, I thought that was sooo bad then, now I think I know how she feels, hang in there best you can.


Posted: Friday, February 26, 2016 6:53 PM
Joined: 11/28/2012
Posts: 211

Ray and Joel,

I am so sorry that you're feeling so defeated.  I can't begin to imagine 56 years together, and how do you come back from that?  I don't know.

I think the closest that I can think of that is the relationship I have with my twin sister.  We're so very close, and honestly, and I'm so lucky to have her. 

Back when we were in college, she was in a car accident, and it was touch and go for a while.  She was in ICU, and I was in a daze....

Since then, she's had cancer two different times.  Both times it felt to me like I was in this sort of other world, where life was going on around me but I wasn't really a part of real life.  Is that in any way how you feel?  Because if it is, in any way, like that, then I think you're very brave for the strength it would take to face the days.

But, if there is a way to talk to other people who are facing the same experience, I would hope that would be a relief.  I don't mean me, I know that losing a parent isn't the same as losing a spouse.  But others who are facing the same thing.  Maybe you two could talk to each other?

I do believe that we are all stronger than we ever thought we could be.  I can't imaging the strength it takes to raise a child who is impaired, but people do.  I can't imagine the strength it takes to lose a child - I only have one, and I think I'd have to be around people who have had that experience - but people do.

So, maybe there's a way to find that strength within yourselves.  Maybe you already are. I hope so.  Because each one of us matters, and how each one of us face each day matters.

Wishing you strength,