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Am I not progressing in the loss of my brother?
zallie25
Posted: Friday, February 26, 2016 7:42 PM
Joined: 2/8/2016
Posts: 11


Mon. Feb 29, 2016 marks 30 days that I lost my brother to Alzheimer's Disease. I was not his caregiver, He was diagnosed with early onset in his early 50's I was there for his progression for the first few years. I still can't think or talk about him without breaking down into tears. Today I saw my niece had replaced her profile pic on facebook of my brother to another pic of someone else.....I was devastated and just broke down in tears, thinking to myself  how could she forget this happen. I feel like I am the only one that remembers him. My niece's birthday is on Sunday the 28th and she is having a big bash to celebrate her 30th birthday. I won't go because I can't celebrate without my brother. He was not shy and always danced his heart away and was good at it. How could she forget? How can she celebrate? I have a ritual I do every night for my beloved brother. The night I found out I happen to be out shopping that day and didn't accept my sister's call (she was probably calling to give me the news) I regret not taking that call. I happen to buy 2 brand new pillows instead of just 1. Every night I lay him on his brand new pillow. I also keep an extra blanket on the bed he hated to be cold, I always touch his picture through out the night, if the picture is cold I cover him up. I leave a large cup beside the coffee pot for him to have his coffee in the morning, and wash the cup for him the next morning or the evening before. He loves his black coffee with LOTS of sugar. Am I stuck in my grieving process? I feel as though I am the only one that remembers him and that he is gone. My older sister who is also diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease wants to have a celebration of Tony's life in April either the weekend before or the weekend after his 61st birthday.......I am not even sure I can participate in that. My brothers name is Tony. Am I stuck in the process of grieving and mourning? Am I in denial? and not getting pass the denial? I had to go to the ER the other night and they wanted to admit me and I left the hospital because there was no one to put Tony to bed like I do every night. I just couldn't leave him on the dresser all night.......I kept thinking what if he gets cold,,,,I kept thinking who would make him comfortable for the night......who would make the coffee in the morning for us? Thanks for any replies/or advice. I don't know how to move on without my beloved brother Tony and having the fear of losing my beloved sister.....I plan on being one of her caregivers......but I'm scared of many things especially losing her too.

Thanks again for any replies/or advice

Sincerely,

zallie

 


blfbrat
Posted: Saturday, February 27, 2016 9:24 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 169


Zallie  I think we each grieve differently and there's no right and wrong way to do it.   I find that I grieve differently different days and it will hit me suddenly and then there's other days I'm fine I just go along with the whole process .
socwkr
Posted: Sunday, February 28, 2016 8:00 PM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924


Yes, we all grieve differently and at different speeds.  Even though someone has a happy face or dancing the night away, you don't know the extent of how their heart is breaking.  For some people, the impact doesn't really hit them until months later.  Perhaps it might be best to just want to concentrate on your own grief because it sounds like you might be carrying around everyone's grief as well.  My husband passed away one year ago today, and it still feels like yesterday.  Take care and be kind to yourself.  Debra.
jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, February 28, 2016 9:02 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20770


please be gentle with yourself...you will heal in your own time...30 days is not very long
bela
Posted: Monday, February 29, 2016 2:25 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122


At the 30-day mark I was in and out of numbness and shock and not on the road to healing- I would not say a grieving person is in denial per se but the reality of the loss has not been realized entirely-