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The person we didn't expect would leave us
His Daughter
Posted: Friday, July 8, 2016 11:16 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2270

I thought it would be nice to mention Zolly here, in the section for Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone.  

I know we all feel this loss, as we say goodbye to one of our fellow caregivers.  May he rest in peace, and be reunited with his wife in the days to come. 

His Daughter    

dutiful deb
Posted: Saturday, July 9, 2016 12:22 AM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1895

What a good idea. Thank you for posting this here.

When people are connected in online forums as we are here, I think that the impact of hearing news such as Zolly's loss is different than it is if we hear of a death in person. In my world, there are phone calls and trips to people's houses with groceries and discussions of the news with everyone in a variety of places, from the grocery store to the church building. Here, we don't always hear of a death; there is nobody to call and say that someone has passed, no mass e-mails or church announcements  or any of the usual ways of delivering this kind of news. People get together and talk about the person and his life. I am heartened to see so many people doing so for Zolly's sake in this online community. He truly was a blessing to many.


Posted: Saturday, July 9, 2016 12:58 AM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 761

Yes, thank you both for posting on Zolly's behalf. I am so shocked and so saddend to hear he has passed. I hope he knew how much we all cared about him and I hope he is resting in peace, he will be missed by many.
Posted: Saturday, July 9, 2016 9:01 AM
Joined: 5/31/2014
Posts: 124

I posted on the caregivers site and yes, am so surprised, shocked to read about this today.  He was the supreme caregiver, full of experience, knowledge and words of wisdom.  Rest in peace, Zolly.
dutiful deb
Posted: Saturday, July 30, 2016 5:27 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1895

We are in the process of moving my mom to a locked memory care facility. She has undergone a lot of changes recently, including a new diagnosis of FTD. There have been a lot of things happen in our family this year, a lot of pain, a lot of loss, and  many difficult decisions. I don't post much but I read frequently and use the "search" feature quite a bit. While looking up some topics recently I came across quite a few of Zolly's posts, some of which were in direct response to something I had posted.

Today when we were moving some things into my mom's new room in preparation for her upcoming move, I saw a little white-haired man who appeared to be in his late 80's or early 90's, sitting on the sofa with his wife slumped over onto his shoulder, her eyes closed and her body relaxed but leaning into him as she lay draped across his body, his arm holding her gently, protectively and lovingly. The man was awake and watchful but silent, and his eyes seemed so sad. I immediately had this mental image of Zolly and his Jane, as he often described their visits, which brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat.

 Then it struck me that there are lot of "Zollies" in the world.

Posted: Monday, August 8, 2016 12:18 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

dutiful Deb, I'm sorry your family is going through very difficult times.  There was a man in my dad's facility, Walter, who visited his wife Judy everyday.  He was white-haired too, very quiet and very sweet with his wife and he also had the look of sadness in his eyes, but he was there everyday.  One day they weren't there any longer.  Walter had to move Judy to a different facility where she required more care.  I missed them both.  It gave me comfort to see Walter everyday.  When Zolly started posting, I thought of Walter and Judy.

With Zolly's passing, even though I didn't communicate with him personally, I do feel the loss of his passing deeply.  To the point, that my participation in the boards, I just feel like I don't belong here any longer.  My dad has been gone four years now. Along with my father being gone, my sibling and her family no longer have much to do with me.  I feel like I have lost my entire immediate family and I hurt.

It's very painful to see all the new posters coming here, the stories of each and their struggles is so great.  I pray everyday that this disease will be eliminated from everyone's life.  Whether it's the person who has this disease or you are a family member or a friend, everyone is affected by this disease.

Take care and I hope all will be well for you and your family.

dutiful deb
Posted: Sunday, August 14, 2016 7:34 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1895


I understand completely. There are so many painful things happening for me right now, and a lot of changes took place all at once,

My husband and I are planning to take a vacation, just the two of us, something we haven't been able to do in a long time. Sometimes we get so caught up in helping others cope with loss that we don't deal with it, ourselves, when we need to.

I wish you well, and appreciate your reaching out.