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Paul has passed
irisized
Posted: Monday, July 11, 2016 10:20 AM
Joined: 10/4/2015
Posts: 440


I want to thank everyone for helping me ....paul passed early this morning peacefully..... he called out his sisters name who passed a few years ago....I know he is at peace....I would not have made it through all this without all of you....61 is to young to be a widow....but I cant be selfish...he is at peace

hugs, kathy


blfbrat
Posted: Monday, July 11, 2016 11:35 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 168


My deepest sympathy for his passing and your loss.  He is finally at peace,  and interesting he called for his sister.
A losing hand.
Posted: Monday, July 11, 2016 12:25 PM
Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 364


Sorry for your loss.  At least his suffering is over.  It's going to be rough for you for awhile. Like most of the women on this forum you seem pretty tough, so hang in there, and take care of yourself.

 Good Luck.


Veterans kid
Posted: Monday, July 11, 2016 5:09 PM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239


Kathy, I am so sorry.  

61 IS very young.   I apologize for not posting earlier. This is a very surreal time, at least it was for me. A lot to do things to tie up. 

 We are here for you, gently supporting you and holding you up. Please let us know how things are going for you. It will take some time, there is no set time frame for  stage eight. 

 My dad, whose name was also Paul, passed peacefully here at home as well. I know that will bring comfort to you in time. For me I told myself that but I was in that state of shock for a while and it just didn't sink in.   It's tough to start a life outside of this, a new normal, if you will. Allow yourself time to grieve, have memories, and please be kind to yourself. 

Sending you extra hugs and prayers-in fact a lifetime supply  

Maybe our "Pauls" are hanging out together?

Julie aka VK 


Sea Field
Posted: Monday, July 11, 2016 7:04 PM
Joined: 8/5/2012
Posts: 1872


Kathy,  I am so very sorry.  There is nothing easy about loving and caring for someone with dementia.  Nor is it easy mourning their loss. 

Please be extra gentle with yourself as you navigate these next several days and weeks.

I was 55 when Tom passed.  Yes, we are too young to be widows though I doubt there is ever a good time for it.  It's just the way it is.

many soft hugs to you,  Cynthia  


Tink4495
Posted: Tuesday, July 12, 2016 12:34 AM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 761


I am so sorry Kathy, sending you my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can find some peace during this difficult time.
acb10
Posted: Tuesday, July 12, 2016 8:29 AM
Joined: 5/31/2014
Posts: 124


I am so sorry for your loss.  On the one hand, it is a comfort to know that he is no longer suffering, on the other hand, feeling the loss of a loved one is very hard to bear.  Please stay with us here.  we are all in this together.

april


KML
Posted: Tuesday, July 12, 2016 5:48 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105


I am truly sorry for your loss.  I hope you will take care of yourself and take a day at a time.  Blessings to you and peace.
irisized
Posted: Tuesday, July 12, 2016 6:23 PM
Joined: 10/4/2015
Posts: 440


mmm stage 8 is kind of weird.... cry, laugh, cry go through closets ( with shirts that could have been antiques....) seem to feel ok, relief maybe ...then someone calls ...I am tough on the phone then hang up and the tears fall.... just ordered necklaces that you can put some cremains in...for his mom and my boys..... a long journey....but so blessed to have had him for 37 years...gentle bear that he was.... so so blessed to have found this group....

hugs, kathy


Agent 99
Posted: Tuesday, July 12, 2016 6:44 PM
Joined: 6/7/2013
Posts: 2166


Kathy,

You can ask the funeral home to transfer the ashes to the necklaces when they come. I haven't opened my sweeties leather covered resting place.  It sits next to me on the couch side table with his glasses and wallet.  One of the hardest parts was to pick up the remains.  His work colleagues are fabricating a model of one of his laboratory devices where the remains will be placed and kept at home.

I thought I could handle it by myself and was on my way to the funeral home. I became very anxious and realized I couldn;t do it alone.  I am very used to doing things alone.  Eventually, I went out for lunch with friends and we went to the funeral home all together.  

I haven't removed any clothing or changed anything yet.  I need to look over at my sweeties sink in the bathroom, his clothes closet, etc. and see all of his things.  The first few months I beelined to his office to clean it out then hit a wall and haven't been back.  I attribute it to transitions in my grief process.  FIrst stage was relief for me from caregiving, worry, etc.  Now I'm in disbelief.  

We all grieve in our own way and do things at our own pace.  There is no right or wrong.  


susanz
Posted: Thursday, July 14, 2016 8:52 AM
Joined: 5/14/2013
Posts: 451


So sorry for your loss.
His Daughter
Posted: Thursday, July 14, 2016 2:18 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2270


Kathy,

  I just saw this post.  I am so sorry for your loss, yet grateful this is over for him.  I know the next steps in your journey will be difficult, just keep in mind you did your best for Paul every step of the way.   I' hoping that will give you some comfort in some of the days ahead.

 

 

 


irisized
Posted: Friday, July 15, 2016 1:02 PM
Joined: 10/4/2015
Posts: 440


His daughter, thank you...I am trying to navigate the road of widow...he struggled for months , years, but in the end the decline was so rapid....don't think I had time to process it....each day I have different emotions.... but I am relieved all the sadness is over for him....I could not have made it without this group....

hugs, kathy


jfkoc
Posted: Friday, July 15, 2016 1:25 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19631


Kathy...eight months out now and I still feel married. I will not even check the "widow" box on any form. I basically lived "alone" for so long. The only thing different is that my husband is not physically here. It works for me.
Lorita
Posted: Saturday, July 16, 2016 6:41 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 12875


 Kathy, please accept my sincere condolences.  I'm so sorry.  You said he called his sister's name - maybe he saw her or she came to greet him.  That could be comforting.

I lost Charles 18 months ago last night.  I don't say the "w" word or check it on forms either.  I haven't cleared out his closet- I guess I will be able to in time.  Now it would feel like I was putting him away and I can't.  I did box up his t shirts and lounge pants and dress socks.

Take your time- there's no hurry to do anything.  Rest and mourn for now- that's enough.


irisized
Posted: Sunday, July 17, 2016 8:52 AM
Joined: 10/4/2015
Posts: 440


Lorita, thank you....I have to be out of the rental the end of august...I cant afford to live here....so moving in with my dad in n.j. until I settle my brain. Hopefully moving to Colorado with my sister...start a little farm.... we are country girls at heart.... packing will be tough... but I think once I get to nj I have old friends there and hopefully that will keep me busy....and I am looking forward to the fall and winter....thought I was a florida person...no way.... I miss change of seasons....I am finding wearing paul ring helps me a lot.... hugs to all

kathy


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, July 17, 2016 2:14 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19631


I put on Dick's ring minutes after he died. Mine is over it and they look as if they had always been together.

I too think FL is highly overrated.