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grief
jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, August 18, 2016 7:32 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19636


Spare me from those who think that now that my husband, who was ill for a long time, has died that I can begin living again.

http://griefwords.com/index.cgi?action=page&page=articles%2Fhelping3.html&site_id=2


armhar
Posted: Friday, August 19, 2016 9:59 AM
Joined: 7/14/2014
Posts: 26


I am sorry for your husband. May you get lots of strength and patience
Veterans kid
Posted: Friday, August 19, 2016 10:11 AM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239


I will spare you from anything I can!

Except, of course, poptarts, cheesecake, ice team, Twinkies...etc!

 


Ukie
Posted: Friday, August 19, 2016 10:44 AM
Joined: 12/16/2013
Posts: 352


I completely understand. It's been almost 9 months since Kathy left me and I'm still trying to find that part of me that I lost with her passing.
jfkoc
Posted: Friday, August 19, 2016 10:50 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19636


I do not think I will ever find "that" me. I seem to be emerging as a quite different person.
KML
Posted: Friday, August 19, 2016 11:40 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105


I can remember when my father was still living, my sibling said to him that she had her own life to live.  I thought about myself and that statement, I was already living my life, my father was part of my life and I was living it and he was a part of that.

He and my mother are gone now, both from Alzheimer's.  I'm not the same person I used to be, wear and tear on my emotions, my mind and my body.  We all evolve over the years, no one stays the same, we all go through life, good, bad, and ugly.

We were living while our loved ones were alive.  Proof is that we walked, we talked, we felt, we cared, we worked hard, we laughed, we cried, we suffered, we helped our loved ones, we carried the loads that were necessary, we loved.

I think people who say these things, think that somehow, all of the above is now gone, we can breathe easier now and pick up after the hard time.  What they may not understand is the deep loss that stays with you.  The things you saw, the things you heard, the things you did to help your loved, the things you lived through.   The deep loss that may soften in time, but it will always pop back up to the surface.  All of the reconciliation with these feelings that we work with everyday of  the rest of our lives.

Yes, there will be times where we enjoy things again, we may again feel happy, but we are changed.  We have a new facet added to our life, another side of us. 

What these people should be thinking is that you are living, you are a survivor, you are a strong person.

I think until something like this happens to a person, they can't really understand what it is like.  But we know.