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my dog is not well
alz+
Posted: Wednesday, October 12, 2016 6:37 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


thanks you to everyone for understanding.

Julie - the day you sent reiki wa day she quit crying quite so much and also Keeper was feeling up to contacting 2 vets about end time process and how it would work.

This meant such relief to me! so we found a woman vet 20 miles away but she has treated Heidi in past and was open to knowing we will be calling in if she takes a turn for worse or pain is not controlled.

since her Reiki Monday she has taken anti-inflammatory but not the pain pill which seems to help reduce pain but makes her feel clingy.

thank you! I increased my cbd oil and while I spent today in bed I am not frozen as much.

SUN - the stiff thing and anxiety, I agree it seems to be a separate issue as times I spent trying to figure out clothing or how to brush my teeth were usually quite peaceful. Since the oil releases my body (when I can walk I add a 30 second run, can not do it wo the oil) but season change and stuff - I also know what I need and want to do but just can't.

L lee - there are probably a hundred people at least on these boards with a sick or old animal. My husband has just taken the load off my shoulders, I feel much better not having to do anything.

I remember I was a wreck when you were helping your dog through his end days. My dog still wants to have fun, we went for walk in rain and she stole neighbor dog's giant bone from their yard. At night she has a small pot cookie and sleeps deep next to keeper.

we are doing well considering. He also found a pet crematorium 2 miles away that has a field for ashes and benches if you want to come visit your animals' resting place. It is bringing us closer.

love you all



alz+
Posted: Wednesday, October 12, 2016 6:39 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


thanks you to everyone for understanding.

Julie - the day you sent reiki wa day she quit crying quite so much and also Keeper was feeling up to contacting 2 vets about end time process and how it would work.

This meant such relief to me! so we found a woman vet 20 miles away but she has treated Heidi in past and was open to knowing we will be calling in if she takes a turn for worse or pain is not controlled.

since her Reiki Monday she has taken anti-inflammatory but not the pain pill which seems to help reduce pain but makes her feel clingy.

thank you! I increased my cbd oil and while I spent today in bed I am not frozen as much.

SUN - the stiff thing and anxiety, I agree it seems to be a separate issue as times I spent trying to figure out clothing or how to brush my teeth were usually quite peaceful. Since the oil releases my body (when I can walk I add a 30 second run, can not do it wo the oil) but season change and stuff - I also know what I need and want to do but just can't.

L lee - there are probably a hundred people at least on these boards with a sick or old animal. My husband has just taken the load off my shoulders, I feel much better not having to do anything.

I remember I was a wreck when you were helping your dog through his end days. My dog still wants to have fun, we went for walk in rain and she stole neighbor dog's giant bone from their yard. At night she has a small pot cookie and sleeps deep next to keeper.

we are doing well considering. He also found a pet crematorium 2 miles away that has a field for ashes and benches if you want to come visit your animals' resting place. It is bringing us closer.

love you all

 vets kid and Dawn - to have friends care makes all the difference.


The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Friday, October 14, 2016 4:48 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


((Hugs)). 

On a side note...we just found a cure for when you are down in the dumps feeling like no one cares...order something from Moosejaw.  My daughter ordered a winter jacket from them...and the box had a sticker saying it was sealed with a kiss from Ben...and inside was a bag of crackers...they also have the fun-est notes.  It is a real experience!  Sure lift one's spirits!

<3


alz+
Posted: Saturday, October 15, 2016 4:19 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


not sleeping, winds really wild.

Heidi is still having pretty good days and sleep tucked next to Mister.

My mother had another stroke last week ? and get confusing 2 line reports about her, sister said she very lonely and weak, brother said she went shopping withher caregiver and doing ok, not to come down and not to call.

Mom called me, said she did "not feel good" and hung up. Was thinking I would somehow get down there, 4 hour drive lying in back seat, but dog's leg should not be in and out of cars and no  one really wants me to go visit her. I was imagining making peace before she died which is common to The Outcasts, then you go and are ignored or worse.  the reality is better for me and them to not be present.

so my 3rd death unable to leave house and - unwanted. when I worked with hospice and had my practice i spent many hours with people during their end and am comfortable with it. with ALZ every one says "stay away!" because they do not want to deal with it. humility,keep learning humility.

 my sister helped get my Mom visit from a priest .

i am so tired,in bed too much. leaves are blowing in those big ground swirls, stood in road yesterday and let it blow me around. the woods are all yellow leaves now, the oak and maple leaves are gone.

just checking in. wishing us all lots of love and courage

I am prepared for my dog's death. going to need my friends here to get through winter.



Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, October 15, 2016 12:36 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17894


It must be beautiful to watch the leaves turning color this time of year.  Here and there in southern CA we have a few trees changing, but not much.


It sounds like your mom is recovering from her stroke.  Do whatever you have to do to stay centered.


I'm glad Heidi is comfortable, Alz.  You take good care of her.  In fact, all of you seem to be taking good care of each other.  Keep it up.


Iris L.


Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, October 15, 2016 2:13 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 12714


Hello dear alz+, autumn is my favorite season of the year - how beautiful it is.

I am thinking of you, Heidi and your husband each day and I again send warmest thoughts and a soft hug for each of you.   Dear Heidi, she is well loved by her family; no one could do better.   May her time left be comfortable and content with both of you by her side.

 J.


BillBRNC
Posted: Saturday, October 15, 2016 2:58 PM
Joined: 12/2/2015
Posts: 1018


alz+, I am so very, very sorry to know that your Heidi is doing so poorly. One thing for certain, she is happy as can be just having you close. She knows you are there, she knows you care. Bill.
julielarson
Posted: Saturday, October 15, 2016 4:33 PM
Joined: 9/30/2015
Posts: 1155


alz, I am continuing sending Reiki and I want to offer you a hug... and sending one to Heidi too.
llee08032
Posted: Monday, October 17, 2016 6:34 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


((((((((((((Alz+, Heidi & Keeper))))))))))))
alz+
Posted: Friday, October 21, 2016 10:11 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


i forget i have my friends here,when it comes back to me and i sign in I  already feel better.

iris - you are one of the healthiest people I have ever known. your advice is always such a relief, and everyone here shares something i seem to need or benefit from in a deep way. Is it just that we share dementia?

just shows what people with dementia are like inside, profound.

******

friday - dog's tumor is golf ball size protruding from her shoulder. she is refusing (politely!) to go on a walk with me, i can see in her eyes and demeanor that she wants to accomodate ME and kind of stops in driveway and conveys, 'i wish i could go but would you mind if i just go back inside and lie down again?'

she is being taken care of really well between keeper and I and it may not be perfect but it is wonderful to have some one to share this with for a change. i am finding new strength from being incapacitated, what some people just diagnosed might be dreading the most - i am using these things to learn to trust in life, the order of nature, ending expectations...my dog's life and protection and her illness are all part of me in such a good way.

i took photos while on a walk by myself, love the sun in yellow woods. 

my new phrase to calm and center myself is, "This is part of it."

the tension of knowing my world is going to be so different without heidi and the importance of being aware of her needs now is resulting in lower cognitive skills. knowing stress makes thinking difficult helps so much! when i joined the boards a few years ago ? that was first advice i got, to understand I had some control of this  and foremost was managing stress. To learn to not do what makes me a wreck, that i was valued enough to deserve an easier set of rules for living.

love you all, thank you so much for giving your thoughts.


BlueSkies
Posted: Friday, October 21, 2016 11:10 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Alz+, you are so insightful and handling everything so well.  To know your limits, accept them and live your best with them is the best thing you can do.  Of course you will still hurt, that's just a part of life and it's what makes the sweetness of life so much sweeter.  Just know that when Heidi has passed that you will see her again and the reunion will be so beautiful.  You are doing a wonderful thing for her.  Be proud of yourself.  I am extremely proud of you. Your awesome!   Lots of love and hugs to you and Heidi.  Keep up the good work!
The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Friday, October 21, 2016 11:18 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


Wow, that is fast growing?!  I am so sorry that she will no longer go for walks. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you.  All my love and strength to you. 

((Hugs))

I am glad that the Keeper is being supportive.  It is a small saving grace that when the crap is really down that small favors like that happen.  <3

I loved you pictures on FB...you a good photographer. 

I wished we lived nearby...because I'd love take daily walks with you. And come make you tea.  And just let you know you are surrounded by people who are kind and who care. 

Hang in there. 


julielarson
Posted: Friday, October 21, 2016 1:25 PM
Joined: 9/30/2015
Posts: 1155


Alz you inspire me to continue being who I am and doing what I am doing.. Heidi is so lucky to have you and Keeper.. And you are lucky to have both of them. I can just feel the love that you have in your heart and that makes me smile. I will keep saying Reiki if you would like me to for as long as you would like me to keep saying it. Thank you for your glimps into your world that you give so freely to us all. Big hugs to all of you.
The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Sunday, October 23, 2016 11:16 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


Seeing your latest amazing pictures and just wanted share how much you guys are in our hearts and minds over here.  Every time we enjoy the falling leaves, or sunrise or sunset...or moon...we are thinking of you guys sending you love your way...and strength and perseverance.

Like in the Little Prince...when the fox talks the prince re taming him...somewhere in the world there is a autumn leaf colored dog and a family who is grieving.

I wish there was some way I could help. 

<3


alz+
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2016 11:18 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608



BlueSkies
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2016 11:50 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


What a beautiful pic!  I just love it.  Thank you for sharing.
Lane Simonian
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2016 12:16 AM
Joined: 12/12/2011
Posts: 5085


So much is said with eyes.  Heidi's eye seem to say thank you for loving and caring for me my dear friend.
llee08032
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2016 8:18 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Oh Alz+! How beautiful! Such soulful eye's...I feel like Heidi is OUR dog and we are all her persons. Sending much love and peace to you, she and keeper. 

God Bless You and Your's,

Llee