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2 years jan/13th.....
Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2017 1:40 PM
Joined: 12/3/2013
Posts: 306

so, where am i, do i even want to write anything.  Still working on gettingmy "mind, body, spirit" healed.  Some days, i feel content, peace,other days, if triggered, tears still co me up.

I know i needmore to do, watch a lot of recorded britishmysteries, do jugsaw puzzles, walk at least an hour a day, close by my son, housesit/dog sit a lot for them, great Danes!

Age, 77, i think, has a lot to do with my desire to do anythingnew,, what and where?   

Im thankful for what. Have, and do my best not to dwell on past...amen. Roxy

Posted: Thursday, January 12, 2017 12:35 PM
Joined: 9/8/2016
Posts: 46

Roxy:  Reading your post makes me sorrowful.  I had hoped that healing would come more quickly to those of us who have lost loved ones.  My sweetheart passed away 3 months ago, and I am still heartbroken, almost in a state of just drifting through life waiting for the day to pass.  Fortunately I do sleep well but do not want to get out of bed--I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, not even many home chores in the wintertime when all of my flowers are dormant.  I have no friends left, all 7 of my brothers and sisters have gone on before me.  I do have a few cousins and nephews and nieces scattered about, none close.  Someone told me recently that I need to meet new friends.  That's not easily done.  I am 81 so maybe I will not have to go much further in life without a purpose.  I have read books on how to deal with grief--not much help either.  I try to read the Bible every day, and so far it is not comforting me.  I do believe that there is a heaven and that my loved one is there, but I cannot fathom what it is like.  Can he see me?  Would he want me to be grieving so severely?  What does God think about me being so weak and unable to cope with life? I have no answers.  I hope that you and I both can find peace.
Posted: Thursday, January 12, 2017 2:13 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

Roxy:  I am so sorry for your loss.  I think living with a loss is no easy thing.  Losing a spouse is even more difficult, I can only imagine.  I think with every kind of loss, it takes a lot of time to adjust to.  It's very normal to feel okay one day, and then the next day not feel so okay.  There are reminders and triggers everywhere we go.  But in time, lots and lots of time, those triggers may become easier to handle.  A good memory may take the place of the sad ones.

We will always miss our loved ones, but we will find a balance in time and make adjustments in our lives and be able to enjoy things again.  There is room in our hearts for both happiness and sadness and they eventually compromise with one another.

Anna-81:  No way you are a weak person, no one who cares for someone with Alzheimer's is weak.  It takes strength, courage and love to care for someone with dementia.  It has only been 3 months since your loss.  You lived with this person for years, there's no way you can just spring back quickly from something like this.

I think sometimes remembering things you used to enjoy doing but haven't had the time to do is a good beginning.  Doesn't have to be anything big.  Can be reading a good book, having lunch with a good friend, maybe looking into taking a class at a senior center.  It can be a break and a distraction and healing.  Maybe looking into some volunteering.  There are websites that you can search for volunteer positions in your area.  Small steps, a little at a time and patience and knowing this all takes a lot of time.  Try to be easy with yourselves, maybe joining a grief support group can sometimes be helpful, it's another way to connect with people and make new acquaintances. 

I wish you both peace in this next chapter, there is a possibility of feeling joy again, different, but still joy.


Posted: Thursday, January 12, 2017 8:41 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19636

I think I cry almost every day...don't know if it will ever stop but I no longer cry off and on all day.

Anna...I am doing something that might interest you ...Tai Chi. It is actually a study being done on effects on balance. It is at a facility where 90% of the participants are over 70. I know no one and that helps somehow.

If you find something to do maybe 2- 3 days a week I think it will help with the drifting days. Oh, ad do you have a pet? I would be lost w/o my dog.

Posted: Thursday, March 9, 2017 1:28 PM
Joined: 12/3/2013
Posts: 306

Recently read a UK survey, title: 2 years, 1 month and 4 days..they interviewed 2000 people and that came out as response to when did grief end, get better, etc.

And, you know what, that was almost to the same time line, that i begun feeling a lot better!!

Just a observation....