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Moving Forward ....
Pam14
Posted: Wednesday, May 31, 2017 10:18 PM
Joined: 5/30/2014
Posts: 555


Well, this is the first time I've signed on to Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone.  I lost my precious sister, Deb, 12 days ago.  I went back to work for the first time yesterday.  I had endless emails to respond to & a host of backed up work, but my mind just drifts off to Deb & where things were 2 weeks ago.  Two weeks ago today I had to make the decision to stop her feeding tube altogether.  She was already drifting in & out of consciousness & I had gotten a call on Tuesday of that week that she was nonresponsive.

It all seems so surreal to me.  I've been through everything:  watching her decline, not waking up, stopping the tube, watching her take her last breath, planning the funeral, being at the cemetery.  I've gotten so many sympathy cards from friends & extended family & yet somehow it still doesn't seem real to me.  I thought my car would be on auto pilot yesterday & head to the nursing home, but I made it straight home.  I was used to not getting home until @ 7pm to start dinner.  Yesterday & today I was home by 4:30.  I had been on that other schedule for 4-1/2 years of daily visits to manage her care.  And then BOOM.  It just ended with her last breath.

After signing hospice papers 3 times, I guess a part of me thought the day would never come.  My heart aches for her again, though I was getting so tired & in so much pain I cried to God over how much longer I could keep up the pace.  It was very difficult losing both Mom & Dad, but losing Deb.  Oh my, God!  NO comparison there.  My heart hurts so much deeper than it did with my parents & I didn't think that was possible.

I keep getting texts from friends asking how I am.  I keep telling them I'm ok.  I know that's what Deb would want me to say.  My husband & I are trying to go on with our lives, but honestly we're just waiting for the grief counselor from hospice to call so we can figure things out.  One more day without my precious sister.  And now it's been 12.

 


jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, June 1, 2017 10:05 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19636


You are now in a whole different world to manage. It hurts...a lot. 

I have found the raw pain ease but the sadness hits everyday to some degree. LIfe does go on but changed and perhaps not as bright. Nothing will fill Deb's space.


TessC
Posted: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 10:55 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5192


Dear Pam,

 It's been almost 2 months since Deb has passed. I hope you are doing well and that more and more happiness is creeping back into your life. I also hope your own health is rebounding-you did so much for your sister that I know your health took a back seat on many occasions.

I have not forgotten you and Deb. Just wanted to say I wish you and your husband a wonderful life. You so deserve it. Blessings to you and Angel Deb.


Veterans kid
Posted: Wednesday, August 2, 2017 1:13 AM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239


Deb touched so many of us here, and we never met her.  

I believe her spirit lives on in all of those she touched.  Pam and Bob, her many friends, her nurses, doctors,...

Sending many hugs and poptarts to us all...