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Never thought I would be on this message board
Posted: Friday, January 19, 2018 7:10 AM
Joined: 1/8/2016
Posts: 365

So, here I am two weeks after mom passed. And, it feels so surreal. Did it really happen? Am I no longer talking about her in the present? The road was long and I think my recovery will be too.

How do you go on?

I'm working, but feel out of sorts there. Although it is a good distraction. I feel like I need to get things under some sort of control and yet don't have the energy to do it or anything for that matter. I have my husband, adult kids and fur babies who are wonderful. And, I want to give them so much of my attention, but I don't have it in me. I know it's too new and I need time. I'm just expecting too much too soon I guess.

Baby steps towards healing, right? It's a process......I just needed to get that out there to those who understand. Thanks

Posted: Friday, January 19, 2018 1:18 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21310

Baby steps? Yes. Time? Yes. Grief is individual. It will take as long as it takes.

You can not rush it. I think not acknowledging it can make it last longer but that is just my idea.

The ability to focus and function will return and the horrible pain will be less frequent but it will come back and wash over you at the oddest moments.

Grief is a part of love and loss. I know that does not help.

We hold you close!!!!

Posted: Friday, January 19, 2018 9:27 PM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 760

Hi Wgonzo,

My heart aches for you as I know exactly how you are feeling. Everything jfkoc stated is true. I lost my mom to this horrid disease just over 2 years ago and I am just now feeling like I am getting my life back and that it is returning to somewhat normal. Watching someone we love so much suffer for so long really leaves a giant hole in our hearts. I feel blessed that I had my mom for as long as I did. I have lost both parents, a brother and my husband so grief is no stranger to me. I still miss them all so much and some days are still hard. What I try to do when I get to feeling down is remember all the good memories and I remind myself that they would not want me to continually be sad for them. It is hard but it does get easier with time. Just like dealing with this disease, take it one day at a time. Take some time to take care of you. Maybe try to take a weekend and do something relaxing with your husband. If you need to, make an appointment with your Dr. and maybe try a low dose anti-depressant for awhile. 

Sending you gentle hugs from one daughter to another.


His Daughter
Posted: Saturday, January 27, 2018 1:41 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2270

Wgnozo, it's almost surreal coming to the "Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone" board, isn't it?  I just remember hating being here.  I still felt like a caregiver, and still wanted to be one in some ways.  My life had been about caring for my dad for so long, that it took time to wrap my head around the fact that responsibility was now over.  

There's nothing wrong with "cocooning" yourself for awhile.  It almost feels like you're just walking through the motions.  But it will take time for your SELF to come back.  I have often said, for lack of a better term, I was experiencing PTSD the first year after Dad's death.   

Be kind to yourself right now, and hopefully others won't expect a lot from you.  I've just past my two year anniversary losing my dad.  I'm getting better.  Things are feeling more normal.  And yes, baby steps.  But this experience will never completely leave us.  But the wound scars over with time.