“I thank my God every time I remember you.” - Philippians 1:3 (NIV) 

When we lose someone we have loved deeply, we are left with a grief that can paralyze us emotionally for a long time. People we love become part of us. Our thinking, feeling and acting are co-determined by them: our fathers, our mothers, our husbands, our wives, our lovers, our children, our friends ... they are all living in our hearts. When they die a part of us has to die too. That is what grief is about: it's that slow and painful departure of someone who has become an intimate part of us. When Christmas, the new year, a birthday or anniversary comes, we feel deeply the absence of our beloved companion. We sometimes have to live at least a whole year before our hearts have fully (or even partially) said good-bye and the pain of our grief recedes. But as we let go of them they become part of our "members" and as we "re-member" them, they become our guides on our spiritual journey. 

Henri Nouwen

jfkoc, I agree with you, but I think what makes it easier to go around that large hole is a change in my perspective; that is going through the grief process instead of letting that large hole dominate my thoughts and life.  What I post is whatever changes helped me accept death and grow.  I can fill in some of that hole and plant flowers when I believe death in this physical world does not mean death for eternity in the spiritual world.  I believe the "goodbye" is only for today, it is not for eternity 

I'm aware you wrote "large whole" and I don't know if that's a typo and you meant eternity, or something else way over my head.  What I do know is that my wife is dead and I'm alive, and I can better serve God and my fellows not by focusing on the large hole, but by focusing on the larger whole; on the eternal.