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sense of time and living
Posted: Saturday, November 17, 2018 4:41 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

while Time is different to me now, I notice other things somehow connected to that lost awareness of time passing.

Time may not pass, it may always be NOW, but I do not have memories of the future.

I find myself doing things in ways I never have before, except for writing a novel over years I never was enthusiastic about completing things in ???

when the dog and i go for a walk I may tell myself "we will only go down the road to the gray house and then come back. Too tired to go around the whole loop." Once we start walking it does not occur to me to turn back, or if it does I can't.

The concept of going backwards, not sure what to call it but I think of the people who "escape" with ALZ and are found miles away, how they kept going forward.

after a rough start trying to get internet back up I wanted to make myself eggs, it turned into 3 hours of oven cleaning and then refrigerator and dog dishes and floor and garbage can.

the pain in my hands stopped me. everything I did is half assed. once I get started I keep going. Wanted to report from trenches what it is like to be caught up that cycle and how it might look to outsiders. 


Got new cbd oil for sleep. It is wonderful. Going to use it now before dawn.

wanted to say the illness is not so bad now. dog and I are on samw wave length, lots of staring off at birds at feeder, no conversation. When the day begins I notice the inertia factor, will walking be possible? will I get the desk moved and papers sorted? will I manage to make food?

the inertia might be described as a weight to be carried, 100 pounds of inertia means tv movies in bed. some mornings it is feather light so progress is made in bring the house back to life. progress is small, fabric folded and put on a shelf after 5 months in a box in living room. expired food packages gotten rid of, sometimes vacuuming or doing laundry.

the cbd oil generally lightens the inertia weight. Using a tincture and very calm most of the time.


love and courage

Posted: Saturday, November 17, 2018 11:15 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20398

thank you so much for your post...what you  share is valuable to many of us here
Posted: Saturday, November 17, 2018 1:24 PM
Joined: 11/17/2018
Posts: 1

Your post is the first I've read since joining here today. I just wanted to say, I get it and I understand! What you have put so eloquently into words here,  I couldn't find words to express the same. Your day is very similar to mine and I very much understand having things sitting around for months that need to be taken care of. I don't remember ever having a cluttered home. As soon as I have the energy to clean up the clutter it seems it's back again within a week. It sounds like you, too, are alone. I'm glad you have your dog for companionship! I hope your day today is a good day!
Posted: Saturday, November 17, 2018 7:37 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

Mtdiana -

did it make sense? you live alone? please share any insights and helpful methods you use to cope. I have not been posting much of late and am interested in learning.

the "inertia factor" is very common to alz and yet no one knows how to convey the experience so there is little progres made in finding a remedy - except that cbd oil seems to lift the weight of it.

another metaphor that feels close is if your car runs out of gas. wanting it to start and move does nothing. putting gas back in tank and it starts and runs normally. because the cbd oil functions like a fuel for a dry tank I would hope a researcher would work with that analogy.

jfkoc - the responsibility is both large and forgotten. In my imagination I paint my bedroom, every day I think about it. I spend most of my life in here so it matters.

just now I came to re-read what I wrote to see if it made any sense and tv was on so I could not think. I am considering another trip west to visit father of my kids and our children and grandchildren in spring. the smoke from wildfires has made air unbreathable, it seems he is struggling and giving up hope.

it is very important to me when you respond, to be remembered kindly. I appreciate that aspect of the boards. I don't feel comfortable on the facebook alz pages.

much love and happy holidays

Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2018 10:13 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

Just had to share this:

thought thanksgiving was in 2 days, been "preparing" for it and was bummed I still have not been able to clear my kitchen table (months now).

just found out it is NOT this week! Keeper is bringing dinner whenever it is.

now I am supposed to collect a urine sample from dog

equipment for sample via snow capture:

soup ladle, glass bottle with cap, small pitcher to pour into bottle

combine with dog on leash and 18" of snow, gloves, coats, etc YIKES.


Keeper just called me and told me Thanksgiving IS this week! I just had figured out its next week. Oh man. 

I am so mixed up. dog and I walked the 1 mile loop today, instended to go 1/4 and boots kept taking me the whole way around.   

Posted: Thursday, November 22, 2018 6:15 PM
Joined: 7/28/2017
Posts: 176

I don't know much about religion but these words came to me: God bless you, and God bless the dogs. I hope I slip into becoming a dog, so I can talk to my own and know he understands me. Sending love.