RSS Feed Print
Alz+ - Catching Up
Jo C.
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2019 8:19 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11013

Hello Alz+, I spoke to my friend in my hometown in the U.P. of Michigan yesterday; she is 93 and a force to be reckoned with; I love her dearly.  Anyway, since you are  a "Yooper" too, I thought I would see how the snow is in your area.

My friend lives in a bit of a rural area rather than in town; she said that she is delighted in that the snow has begun to melt and is melting fast.  A week and a half ago the snow was up to the top of her windows. She said she is just happy to be able to get outside using her front door.

Her son had taken her shopping, and when she got back, there were 17 deer in her front yard!  Wow - I have never seen that many in one place at one time.  They must have been looking for food.  She said they were beautiful and just sat in the car and watched them for awhile because she did not want to chase them away.

I am hoping that your area is also geting some good melt too.  That means that much better weather is coming to the U.P.; it makes such a difference in how we feel and makes such a difference in making things a whole lot easier to get things done and is much safer what with no more ice to worry about.

 Hope to hear from you soon and sending warm wishes from another Yooper,


Posted: Tuesday, March 26, 2019 10:22 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3556

Jo C - I can feel when you write to me!

I live in the far western U.P. and the ski hill is still open, snow on ground but roads clear of ice finally. The deer! My previous dog used to howl sing when she saw deer, we would stop car and crack her window and she would carry on, they would stop and listen!

A neighbor guy came over and spent 3 hours with a maul breaking up the ice dam in front of doors. He was on his knees hacking away, my dog saw what he was doing, that you could walk out the front door and not have to climb up 20" of jagged ice and put her front paws on his chest and kissed him. She stayed there a couple minutes and rested her head in gratitude on his shoulder. Made him cry.

Image may contain: Margery Summerfield, smiling, sitting, dog, child and outdoor

My super short term memory is failing in a new way. Starting a sentence, getting up to _____, did I remember to let dog back in etc

I left water running "to get cold" for dog the other night, 4+ hours. Could have burned up my well pump. I left front door unlatched so the wind blew it open all night. Coffee burning, all kinds of stuff.

Very scared. Yesterday my neighbor took me to hardware store to buy paint to freshen up inside of house to sell. I spent 3 months picking out colors, lost them and this was last day of sale. Neighbor said she will do it for me as partial payment for car I sold her last year. There were about 4 hours yesterday where I felt I could paint a couple rooms. That is over.

Plan to be rescued in about 6 - 7 weeks. Exhausted. Lungs are better.

Have not had this much trouble thinking in years. I did have to switch to a new cbd oil maker, it does not seem to clear the cobwebs or light the fire like last brand. Nothing I can do until I get out west.

Progress is being made on my room out west, my life is tv, attending to dog's needs, feed feral cat and birds, and sleep when possible.

The ativan I used at 1/4 pill when anxiety and fear was so high past month did contribute to leaking bladder and started acid reflux. It must relax muscle sphincters. Not worth it.

Keeper has been bringing me food and shoveling, giving me a  night to sleep without being hyper aware of if I let dog back in. He needed to be free of this responsibility and I needed to be free of his inability to help me. I need his friendship and life support more than what we had.

Have yet to pick up a broom laying on laundry floor, been 2 months. The condition is taking over, dread the adjustment in new place. Ready to abandon ship here.

love you all 


Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, March 26, 2019 1:27 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11013

Hi alz+, it sounds as though you are closer to Duluth and I was closer to Marquette.  Beautiful country; love, love autumn which is my favorite season, especially "up there," and love spring; but winter and summer, not so much. 

By the way, what a terrific picture; you are so pretty and what a lovely dog.  I smiled at the description of your fur friend thanking your neighbor with kisses and doggie nuzzling; I have always thought that dogs are really wonderful people.

What color did you choose for your room in your new house?   Is it bright or soft in nature, I wonder.  I find that color affects how I feel; same with music.  Some music soothes or lifts me up, other music makes my hair stand on end.  Funny how that happens; our senses are really involved. 

You know that all of us have you on our minds and in our hearts and we want only the very best for you.  Take good care and give that sweet dog a hug from me.



Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, March 28, 2019 6:01 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16509

Alz+, your picture looks great!  You already look like a Californian!  I am sure you and your dog will do well in CA.  The wildflowers are so beautiful and plentiful this year that thousands of people are driving miles into the desert to look at them.  I used deep breathing practice to overcome anxiety attacks.


Posted: Tuesday, April 2, 2019 11:28 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3556

checking in.

@ photo - that was 3+ years ago, was still out and about.


It will be no sooner than May 7 that I can be rescued. In bed 85% of day, when up my legs feel weak and everything scares me.

My room is going to have a floor, walls and a new window by Saturday and I wish  I was there. The paint is a grayish lavender which I have never seen, got it from swatch in magazine after I lost all my paint chips. 

Keeper came over to bring food a few days ago, he was getting exasperated with me and I reacted by getting "intense" - what a relief to be able to say, "Go ahead and go home, I'll be ok." 

Yesterday I tried to pick out curtains for this house from a collection stored in a trunk for "someday". Feel pressured to make this house fresh and appealing to sell but it is just pressure and frustration. Hung 2 India 1970s thin bedspreads with mandala prints over sliding doors to filter/block light ??? and it calmed me a little bit, just used thumb tacks. The light is like pressure. Every stimulation is overwhelming.

I don't think I can go into a grocery store to shop for myself again. Struggling with food issues.  

My daughter is under so much strain, her Dad (who I will live with) had another major seizure and her work is very intense. I can feel her responsibility to me and her Dad wearing her down - I am being cheerful in daily text to say I am ok. She plans to come get me in May. 

That I survived one of the most brutal winters is a miracle. That Keeper would not help me make house lighter and more functional for me back when I was diagnosed in 2013 makes me very sad, doing it for myself should have been done years ago. Now it will never be done, it was always beyond me.

I forget to take cbd oil, my system of managing meds has gotten foggy. Not feeding birds anymore. I am able to work TV and computer so I feed dog, try to walk her once during morning (most cogent) and then I am in bed all day with old movies or whatever.

Don't know how to change my health insurance when I move, every responsibility on my shoulders is breaking me. I mark off the days on a calendar and often think I will never make it to the rescue.

I know I am following in my father's footsteps as I inherited the gene from him, I remember him laughing at Bob Hope Road movies and how he ate, little things, I am having very similar decline as he did, slow for many years and then a quick change at end.

Neighbors are ready for me to go, I quit speaking to any of them except for a young woman and the guy who helps with feral cat.

wish I could write what was in my heart

Mimi S.
Posted: Tuesday, April 2, 2019 11:39 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7035

Dear Alz+,

We do appreciate your keeping us in the loop.

When I recently moved and I didn't have to do anything with my insurance.

Unless your realator can find someone to "stage" your home for sale, think about just selling it "as is." At this point you don't have the energy to do anything about it.

Is there a grocery store in your area that will deliver?

Just a bit over a month and you will be on your wa to your new life.


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, April 2, 2019 2:01 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16509

Dear Alz+, at this point your "job"is to keep yourself content and comfortable.  It sounds like you are beating yourself up for not taking care of things earlier.  You did what you knew to do.  I am in the same position, with tasks undone that should have been done earlier.  But could they have been done earlier, in the condition we were in?  If we could have done otherwise, we would have.

For now, continue as planned.  Rescue is coming.


Jo C.
Posted: Wednesday, April 3, 2019 11:08 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11013

Dear Alz+,  I can tell you from experience of selling houses for various Loved Ones, that I do not think that you need to worry one whit about painting, doing curtains or fixing up anything else in order to sell your house. 

 You do not need to do one single thing.

HOUSE SALE:  When the house goes up for sale, the Real Estate person can take care of things like painting, etc.   For my MIL, they had the house painted, they had it termited (have to do that where we live), they replaced a water heater and a bit of shingles on the roof.  Realtors have contract workers who do this work at discounted contract rates so the house is more ready for sale  . . . . 

AND best of all,  one usually does not need to pay for this up front; the Realtor will give receipts for the work and then take the costs out of the proceeds of the sale along with his/her fee, and you get the rest of the proceeds.

 Your kids can and probably will handle that aspect for you.

NOTE:  Realtor can do all of the above, and houses are also often sold, "as is,  people who buy houses want to put their own color of paint on the walls, they may decide to do some construction to change rooms; they also will have their own taste and preferences in curtains/drapes.

 The house may also be sold "as is" to a person who refurbishes houses and then re-sells them. 

SO . . . . put all that worry aside, it will be done without your having to lift a finger.

INSURANCE:   I do not know what kind of insurance you have now.  If you have regular Medicare, that does NOT change at all.  What kind of insurance do you have?

If you are in an Advantage HMO Medicare Program, when you move, you can change that to another HMO Medicare Program in California; you need not wait until an open enrollment period.  Your daughter can look this up and assess it for you if you need/want an HMO program.

 It is true; no more U.P. winters.  This was a particularly nasty year up there.  No more will you have to brave and slog through snow, ice and killer cold.  That is no longer going to be a hazard for which I am grateful after just thinking about you stuck in all of that.

 Bed whether in it or "on" it, is a safe and comfortable place.  Indulge yourself  in what feels safest and most comforting.

 Just a few short weeks . . . . it won't be long.  And April is a short month, so there goes one extra day.

Keep coming and talking, it is good to do that and we of course are all thinking of you and hoping for you and grateful for your writing to us.


Posted: Wednesday, April 3, 2019 11:49 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3556

Mimi - there is a small grocery in town that delivers! I dread using phone or making a list and have no cash. The fear of calling on a phone has been part of my condition for 12 years, before diagnosis.

Iris - read your post about ... forgot, multi tasking! Tried to do dishes this morning, froze, went back to bed. Sat there wondering what was keeping me from starting soapy water in dish pan? the feeling is both fear and uncertainty, I had a tv on a news channel, voices in background and wondered if that was overwhelming me. I turned TV off and washed dishes in silence.

I had tried music and still froze. it might be overwhelmed senses, so turning off all sound. In fact, I was sitting outside in sun with dog to calm down over an email spat and the silence, sun, dog, birds took over and brought me some calm.

wish I didn't have to figure out everything but it is what it is and grateful I sometimes seem to find a way.

washing dishes, counseling from Jo C and ending email war , today is a wild success because I had this place to come and cry.

love you all so much!

Iris L.
Posted: Wednesday, April 3, 2019 12:15 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16509

I gave up television news a LONG time ago.  I am also judicious about listening to the radio.  We have to be protective of our cognition.  We are "allergic" to distracting forces.