I just went through my first Mother’s Day without my precious momma.  I made a beautiful video of momma. Through the years that was something  I always did with momma. I shared with my brothers and sister and continue to do so.  I can’t say it’s gotten any better. On June 3rd it will be one year my Queen went to heaven. There are many days it’s unbearable.  Momma’s birthday is June 7th. Momma was also buried on her birthday.  Momma and I had such a special bond. I lived with her and would not have had it any other way.  The good with the bad days. I just miss her so. I’m a teacher. The school year is coming to an end and I’m choosing to work this summer. If I sit, it gets too depressing. I planted a garden for momma. I can still see us outside together when we planted in the past.  Momma wearing her bonnet so the sun wouldn’t burn her beautiful skin. I see her smile. Giving me Eskimo kisses. My heart just aches. In all her confusion, momma always knew she was dearly loved. Momma would smile at me with her beautiful hands over her heart telling me she felt so loved. For that, I am truly grateful.  I’m trying to be strong.  Momma  was a beautiful person.  Always  kind to complete strangers.  I honor my  momma by doing the same .  

I thank you for listening to my heavy heart.  I’ve been away for awhile.  Every time I start to write the tears flow, as they are now.  Will it ever get any easier.  Again, thank you.

Gina

Hi Gina,

The firsts without them is so so hard. I can say that it does get better but it just never goes away. What a beautiful thing to do making a video of her, our memories of our loved ones keep us going and they bring peace most days. This was my 4th Mother's Day without my mom and her 91st birthday was May 10, so it is always hard having those 2 days so close to each other. I was sad and was reminded by so many dear friends that my mom would not want me to be sad that she would would want me to know that she was smiling down on me knowing I took the best care of her and that she knew she was so loved. I have come to accept that I will never stop missing her and that some days are better than others. I think because we had such a close bond, we grieve harder. Hang in there and know she is always in your heart.

Thank you for your kinds words. It just hurts so much. It will be a year on momma’s birthday this June 7th momma went to the Lord. My siblings and I are not united at all. It pains my heart that this still continues. That’s another story. Those of us that are talking will celebrate momma’s birthday and life. I know momma would want this. 

Thank you again. 

Hi Gina,

I'm so sorry   Difficult family dynamics seem to just add to our grief, doesn't it.  Losing your mother on her birthday also has to be rough. My thoughts and prayers will most definitely be with you in the coming weeks! 

I am so sorry, Gina. What an awful loss we have to bear. These sentences from your post were especially beautiful: " In all her confusion, momma always knew she was dearly loved. Momma would smile at me with her beautiful hands over her heart telling me she felt so loved. For that, I am truly grateful."

What a gift. She's gone, but perhaps she's closer than you know or any of us know?

Sending love and compassion your way.

I apologize for not responding sooner. My first year without my precious momma. On her birthday, June 7th, which marked a year, we released balloons. I baked her favorite cake. I could just see her licking the spoon. My sweet momma. I still miss her terribly. Since momma has gone to the Lord, I have had dreams of momma. Only one was she confused. The rest she was happy and smiling at me. All I felt was so much love in the dreams. I know I should be happy that momma is no longer in pain and suffering from this cruel disease. Momma and I had a beautiful relationship. I guess that’s why it’s so much harder. In all of this I hold onto all the precious memories. I have so many that I will treasure. 

I thank you for your kind words. Prayers surrounding you. 

Gina

Hello everyone:  I've been out of commission after Back surgery in May so pardon my late response.  I just had my one year anniversary for mom on June 6th. It was such a somber day for me.  It was the last of the firsts.  Now I can't say "last year at this time I was with mom" or "a year ago today me and mom did this.....". It's a sobering notion.  I miss her something awful. Sending love to everyone who needs it today.  The new normal absolutely sucks.

xoxoxo - Kat