RSS Feed Print
Ten years....
Posted: Saturday, May 25, 2019 11:01 PM
Joined: 12/14/2011
Posts: 388

Ten years.... that's how long it took.... May 18, 2009 is the date Mom passed... this year, for the 1st time the day came and went without me realizing it... I had thought of it a few months ago but then forgot... if I think of it it feels like it was only last year.... funny how time feels...

This is the year I will empty her room... when the weather warms (19" of snow last Wednesday)  I will take everything out and donate everything that's still usable. Not because I feel like I should or I have to, but I will do it because I want to...I'm ready. 

dutiful deb
Posted: Sunday, May 26, 2019 12:21 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1876

This is where I'm at with remembering my dad, who died in 2007. We were very close and I was able to talk to him about anything.  My mom's dementia kicked into high gear not long after he passed, and I spent the next decade slowly losing her. Now my husband is cognitively impaired, and although we enjoy a good relationship, I'm not able to talk with him about deep subjects. 
This past year, after losing my mom and dealing with my husband's increasing issues, I have been thinking about my dad more and missing him. I've experienced this off and on during my caregiving years, but lately it's more intense. At the same time, it's not the raw, open wound that it once was, but more of a "what-if" feeling. What would Dad say if he were here? How would he advise me on this or that?  I'm able to think about him without breaking down, and can look at pictures or other remembrances without welling up, while still missing our conversations that were laced with so much wisdom. I remember how he and Mom spent their time together, and can still picture them at their kitchen table, the paper open in front of them as they worked the crossword or jumble together,  poring over a Bible passage, or just talking. 


Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Posted: Monday, May 27, 2019 9:38 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1988

Dear shardy, Thank you for your affirmation that it could take ten years to clear a dear room. I am nearing one year for my mom. Often, I sit in the comfy chair where she sat and looked at the trees. I can feel her with me.
Last Dance
Posted: Monday, May 27, 2019 9:51 AM
Joined: 5/2/2013
Posts: 357

Wow 10 years                                                                                                                          The thought of living without Linda for even another 4 to 6 years drives me crazy. I don’t think I can live with all this loneliness and emptiness that chocks me almost every day. It will be 2 years on June 16 sense she passed away and I still have not done anything with any of her things. Everything’s sits exactly as she left it. I have not even unpacked her clothe when I brought them home from the MC place they sit in the living room in the exact same spot that I put them when she passed away.  I just vacuum and dust round them. Thursday will be our 55 anniversary and it really make me sad that she is not here to enjoy the day with me. 


Posted: Tuesday, May 28, 2019 8:06 PM
Joined: 12/14/2011
Posts: 388

I wouldn't give a single moments thought to her things. I stressed over what to do with Moms stuff.. the 1st year or so I felt as if I was failing because I hadn't taken care of it...the third year or so I remember going in her room and smelling her coat and her smell was gone so I thought ok, I have to do it now....but I didn't...

At around year 5 or 6 I had the thought I wanted to make her room into an exercise room with a place for my easel..... but I didn' was still her room....

Sometime over the last year I unconsciously began referring to it as the bedroom at the front of the house instead of her's still full of her stuff, her clothes still hang in the closet...vanity still holds her things.... but I think (hope)I can just go through it now...

Funny how different people handle things, when my  uncle passed his wife wanted everything gone before she came home from the services as it was too painful to see....when my niece passed her husband would allow nothing to be touched... she passed in '81, I'm not sure if he ever removed her things.... either way, it's ok. ..we each find our own path...hopefully pressure and guilt free.

Posted: Wednesday, May 29, 2019 1:00 AM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 910

Wow, thank you for making me feel normal as I have held on to my mom's home for a little over a year since she passed.  When mom came to live in my state back at the end of 2015, I cleared her home of important photos and documents and mostly what was left was furniture.  I paid the electric bill so the lights would turn on and off each day and the house would sit and wait for me to visit.

I grew up in this house... my brother passed in the house and my father too.  I felt like I was weak this entire year since I couldn't bring myself to sell.  A friend of my mother's has wanted to purchase the house for years, but it was to overwhelming for me to follow though.  I have spent so many early mornings being anxious about when to sell.  I think it may happen soon.