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advice on housing transition
Posted: Saturday, November 30, 2019 11:19 AM
Joined: 10/3/2019
Posts: 1

Older b.rother diagnosed with MCI. Lives alone, 2 pets and still works. Long time home 2 story, multiple rooms and in declining repair. Family would like him to move to smaller independent living facility. Has no interest in this transition altho has willingly visited these units with family members. Strikes me this is not a unique situation and we could use advice on a successful approach.

Thanks in advance.

Posted: Saturday, November 30, 2019 7:45 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5135

Sadly this is not unusual and there is no one or best way to get a person with dementia (PWD) to move. Most people use helpers to assist the PWD while they are still at home. I told my mother before she moved in with me, that we were hiring helpers if she wanted to stay at home. It worked for 2 years.

 Family often have to wait till something dangerous happens before they can "force" a move. If you are really concerned and there are signs he isn't eating well and is wandering, ask his doctor to step in.

 No matter how stubborn your brother may be--supporting him anyways may be the best route to take. He will need help one of these days and you'll want to be there to help him when he is really needs it. However, be sure he is not falling behind on bills, insurance payment, taxes, etc and he is not being scammed out of his money.Good luck.

Posted: Sunday, December 1, 2019 10:05 AM
Joined: 7/19/2019
Posts: 9

I might also consider hiring an aide/caregiver for him to help with cooking and cleaning (and watching out for him even if he doesn't know that) as at least an interim step even if the long-term decision is to move him into AL or MC.
Posted: Monday, December 2, 2019 11:25 AM
Joined: 10/9/2014
Posts: 1148

It may be too early to intervene if he is still competent, but, do you know if he has designated a Durable POA and Healthcare POA?  That's really crucial, if he wants a certain person to manage his affairs, when he is no longer able. It would be advisable for him to consult with an Elder Law attorney NOW while he still have the capacity to knowingly put down his wishes. 

I'd also keep a careful eye on him moving forward.  I learned that people with dementia don't always represent things the way they are. They may say things are fine, but, they can't do their laundry, aren't bathing, paying bills or preparing meals.  If you didn't visit and look closely, you might not notice this for a while. 

Eric L
Posted: Tuesday, December 3, 2019 1:31 PM
Joined: 12/5/2014
Posts: 1290

To piggyback on what Sunny said, have you spent an extended amount of time with your brother in his home? Even a long weekend might be an eye opening experience. We lived with my MIL and didn't always grasp the extent of her deficits. If you can, spend a weekend with him and just watch. It should give you a pretty good idea of where he is at.