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I'm on my pity pot!
Mobile AL
Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2019 1:51 AM
Joined: 7/21/2018
Posts: 46

My brother died December 15, almost a year ago and his birthday is coming up Dec 11. My mother died Oct 2, barely 2 months ago and her birthday is coming up Dec 14. My sister died Aug 4, 4 months ago today.

I've not had time to grieve from my brother's passing because I was busy taking care of my sister, my mother and my daddy. And, after my sister's death I was having to do more for my mother because she had become so ill. After my mother passed away, I've been taking care of my daddy and I wonder just how much his dementia has helped him to 'cope'. He lives in the past a great deal of the time now so he doesn't dwell on the here and now. But I'm worried that if I break down then he's going to freak out so I hold it in.

My brother's death was totally unexpected; he had what is called a pons stroke. 

My sister had cancer and we knew it was incurable but I always thought we had more time. She expressed to me several times that she didn't want to die before mama and daddy but she didn't make it.

I believe my mother lost her spirit to live after my brother and then my sister died. Mama had cancer and dementia.

More and more often I'm worried about what will happen to daddy if something should happen to me. I've almost settled my sister's estate and working on my mother's. As soon as I get her's completed, I need to do a POA and a Will but it's not as if I can appoint someone to take care of daddy. There are possible options but none of them would be good options, meaning it would only cause him to get worse quicker. I'm still giving that some thought and will talk with my lawyer about it.

My health is not the best. I have seizures which are presently controlled with medication but I've had seizures before even though my meds are taken as prescribed and I see my doctor every 6 months. I also had a heart stent last year and need another one this year but will probably be January/February. I have a constant battle with IBSD and have AVM where I lose iron, then lose blood and get anemic and have to have blood/iron infusions. And, of course, most all of these are affected by too much stress and worry, not eating a proper diet, and lack of sleep. 

I've considered seeing a therapist but, someone needs to be with daddy. Before I can see a therapist though, I need to arrange to see my oncologist to check my iron/blood levels, an appointment to see my gastroenterologist for IBSD check up, my neurologist for my seizure meds refills and then the cardiologists for the heart stent. 

I also have to set up daddy to see his neurologists for his dementia and his PCP for routine check up and past due flu shot. Just took him last week for eye exam (needs new prescription) and tomorrow will pick out his frames and have his glasses made, get him a haircut and pick up medicine at pharmacy and if he's not too tired, stop by two banks. Thursday I need to go to DMV to have my sister's and my mother's cars put in my name so I can have them put on my insurance.

My car and my mother's car both need to be serviced and dogs need their annual shots (my niece is taking dogs tomorrow). Buying Christmas online this year and need to ship off two packages to get to their destination within 10 days.

Grieving? Who has time?

Ok. Getting off my pity pot now. I'll make sure to flush!


Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2019 10:10 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2329

Thanks for sharing your story Mobile AL. That would be too much for me to handle. Lately I feel like I need to take it easy more angry outbursts. I’m getting kinda tired and slow....
Anyway, it looks like there are a few of us down here at musings getting worried lately about our LOs outliving us ....and I can’t rely on my sisters. They both freak out easily...useless women.