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Mom has been gone 6 months
Posted: Wednesday, April 15, 2020 11:50 AM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5192

It's hard to believe it has been 6 months since my mom passed away. I think of her many times a day-keeping fresh flower by her ashes -kind of a memorial to her. I say good morning and good night to her every day-like I always did. I don't ever want to forget our time together and that  means I relive a lot of the bad (and good) days we shared and sometime cry, but I don't dwell in regret or sadness or anything negative.

I changed her rooms, new carpet, new paint, although I kept the same color as it was beautiful and she loved it so much. All new furniture except for some paintings and other Japanese things. DH built the addition when mom moved in with us 16 years ago, so the rooms have always been hers, but  I have taken over the rooms and feel very much at home in them.

The Japanese cherry trees around town have been splendid! I have never seen them blossom so fully and feel in my heart that my mom had a hand in that, lol! Our neighbors gifted us with a gift certificate from a tree nursery to buy something in memory of mom, so DH and I chose a Kwanzan Japanese cherry tree and had it planted a few weeks ago. It is blooming now with pretty double, cotton candy pink blossoms. Next year I'll be able to preserve them and use them in cookies and drinks.

We have a stay at home mandate from the governor so that has put a big crimp on our plans for travel, so just like before, we are stuck at home! But it is much easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel this time. I hope all of you will remain safe and healthy and that your lives without your PWD will continue to advance in peace and joy.

PS I hope I can visit her grave on Mother's Day!

Posted: Wednesday, April 15, 2020 1:47 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1315

Dear Tess,

That is a very sweet and caring thought you are sharing about your Mother. I also believe she had a lot to do with the pretty blossoms on the Japanese Cherry Trees, Its her way of telling you how much she loved you and appreciated all the loving care you gave her. 

My DH passed away 2 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. He is still part of my life and your Mother will be there for you for the rest of your life. Hugs Zetta

Posted: Thursday, April 23, 2020 9:03 AM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 516

Wow … has it really been 6 months? I am pretty sure I remember you posting about your mother's death. I'm glad that you have found some measure of peace, even in her former space, as I just lost Mom last week.

This whole hold on the world is wild, isn't it? I'm sure you can go to her grave. Funeral providers are considered essential services, so cemeteries are part and parcel.

Mom raised me to be strong and independent and being an only child, I've always been OK with my own company. I also like my solitude. It's kind of nice even, having been relieved of my caregiver detail. But, at the one time in my life I probably most need to be surrounded by people, I can't be. Irony, yes?

Posted: Thursday, April 23, 2020 9:36 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 962

Hi Tess,

You and I seem to be reacting similarly to our LOs passing. I think this a is a good thing, from the sound of your post.

April marks seven months for me now.

Like you, I find myself focusing on good memories more and pushing out memories of Sandy's illness. I've started changing to the house a bit to keep her presence alive but make it more comfortable for me at the same time.

I also thank my wife daily by addressing her portrait. 

Thanks to this quarantine, I wasn't able to put flowers at her grave last month or this month as the cemetery is closed to visitors.


Jo C.
Posted: Thursday, April 23, 2020 11:32 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11599

Hello Dear Tess, it is hard to believe that six months have already gone by.   It is good to hear your voice. I too talk to my mother; she will always be with me in loving memory.  As with most of us, I too have recall of the good and not so good moments; but if I begin to feel bad about a time, I remember the good times I rose to the occasion well and forgive myself.

The cherry trees blossoming sound beautiful; I have never seen one in bloom.  The redo of the rooms sounds lovely and peaceful, so glad it has turned out well. 

We too are in isolation and just doing one day at a time.  Gosh; the situation seems so surreal; I feel as though I got caught in a bad sci-fi movie written by a teenager. 

I send warmest of thoughts and best wishes your way,



Posted: Saturday, May 2, 2020 10:05 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2007

Hi, Tess, The Japanese Cherry Blossoms sound very pretty from your description. I'm so grateful for your advice over the years. I'm glad you got the chance to make your mom's room into a kind of sanctuary for you. Now that I'm teaching from home, I'm doing the same with my mom's and dad's old room. It's now full of stuffed animals and children's books so when I'm teaching online it's my classroom. Yet, there are still plenty of knick knacks from my parents' life with us to remind me that they lived there and spent so much time there. Since we're stuck at home, I'm finding enjoyment in the spring. It seems especially beautiful this year, since there's far more time to appreciate it. I'm so glad your mom continues to live on in your heart and at all the beautiful things you are doing in her memory. I also hope to visit my parents' grave on Mother's Day, and plant fresh flowers, but I'm not sure because of the stay at home order. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Take good care, Tess. Stay safe. Soon, this too will pass.
Posted: Saturday, May 9, 2020 12:19 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5192

Hi MPSunshine,

It looks to be cold and wet tomorrow (Mother's Day) so I have decided to go on a weekday -when it's sunny. As you may recall, mom's funeral was during a cold, windy and rainy day. It rained buckets, so I want to avoid another day like that. Plus a weekday will have less people and less chances of coming in close contact with others visiting graves. The cemetery my parents are at is a gorgeous place, the largest in the state and very old. It'll be nice to visit during a sunny day. Let me know if you get to to visit your dear mother tomorrow.

Your "new office" sounds wonderful. We are lucky to have the option to remodel and reuse our parent's rooms in such a fashion. I will hate to move away and leave behind my mom's rooms and our pets buried in the back yard. One thing I have learned taking care of mom, nothing is permanent and all things change.  Until then, enjoy life!