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The after-life
Posted: Wednesday, September 23, 2020 3:14 PM
Joined: 2/3/2016
Posts: 278

I am writing to say that I am a survivor. And you will be too.

Twenty years ago, my dad was diagnosed with ALZ. He was a stubborn and opinionated guy so you can imagine that when the best of him was gone, the worst of him was a challenge.

During that time my husband began to show signs of dementia. But I was preoccupied keeping my dad going and my mother calm.

Five years ago, my dad died. At his funeral, my husband could not figure out how to turn on the headlights for the motorcade to the cemetery. Another heartbreaking 3 years and my husband was gone. 

It took me a good year and then some to restore my sanity. Gradually the trauma fades and the memories of the good times return.

Here is my advice: Everyone's situation is different, so listen to others but find your own way and know that you are doing your best in a really, really difficult stage of your life. There will be times (many) when you are exhausted and emotionally spent. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't think you have failed when things are crazy out of control. 

You will survive. You will mend. And you will have the highest respect for the caregivers of the world. 

Bless you all. 



Posted: Wednesday, September 23, 2020 5:24 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 4311

I'm sorry you have been through so much. Nobody should have to do that. Thank you for the  post.
Joe C.
Posted: Wednesday, September 23, 2020 5:44 PM
Joined: 10/13/2019
Posts: 653

Thank you for your post, it is comforting to know there is a possibility for an afterlife.
Posted: Wednesday, September 23, 2020 7:03 PM
Joined: 12/21/2018
Posts: 1043

Thank you. Bless you too.
Posted: Thursday, September 24, 2020 3:41 AM
Joined: 8/7/2020
Posts: 15

Your message is much appreciated, thank you.
Posted: Thursday, September 24, 2020 5:37 AM
Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 6549

My mother had vascular dementia for 10 years and died 26 days after my wife was diagnosed with MCI.  That was 10 years ago.  Art Buchwald summed it up for me a long time ago after 9/11

We'll Never Be Young Again


When President Kennedy was killed, my friend Mary McGrory said to Pat Moynihan, "We'll never laugh again."   And Moynihan, who later became a U.S. senator, replied, "Mary, we'll laugh again, but we'll never be young again."



Posted: Thursday, September 24, 2020 7:06 AM
Joined: 5/26/2020
Posts: 57

Thank you for your comforting thoughts.
Posted: Thursday, September 24, 2020 7:22 AM
Joined: 1/12/2018
Posts: 402

Thank you. Comforting to know there can be life after this dreaded disease.

Posted: Thursday, September 24, 2020 9:01 PM
Joined: 10/26/2019
Posts: 285

Bless you for providing a ray of hope.
Posted: Friday, September 25, 2020 5:35 AM
Joined: 2/24/2020
Posts: 160

After a very bad day and a worse night. Just cleaned up pee  

I wanted to thank you for this post. 

I am questioning if this is all I am anymore or be anything else. I hate this disease. It has taken the person I loved so much and turned her into something that I don't like so much and the worst part I can't help her - Alzheimer's will kill her - there is no cure, no magic drug anywhere on the horizon to even improve her condition.

There are "pills" to alleviate certain symptoms and they work "sometimes", but the person today was not who DW was. It is the "new" her now that I deal with and it gets harder and will get harder even more - I trudge on knowing I can't help her get well and I think that hurts now more than ever as she is no longer the person I fell in love with. 

I have to accept who she is now, but I tell you I am really hating some of what I become when I have no sleep again. I seem to struggle more and more on why can't she just do this, understand that. I know its her brain deteriorating, after 6 years + on this terrible disease track. But not sleeping, going again in her pajamas -  I just am so tired of this disease.

I looked into placing DW in a respite place last week, and I am torn up about it because I worry about her. Will she be OK. We have been married for 20 years and it has been me and her together always. I took care of her and its like I can't let go, but I am not handling things well lately. Between working 40-50 hours at my job, caregiving all day and night lately I am beyond tired.

Venting late at night.

Posted: Friday, September 25, 2020 3:11 PM
Joined: 2/3/2016
Posts: 278

Oh, Crushed. That Moynihan quote. You nailed it.
Posted: Friday, September 25, 2020 10:14 PM
Joined: 4/23/2019
Posts: 416

Thank you for posting.  I needed to read that today.
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 4:03 AM
Joined: 9/5/2017
Posts: 819

I am looking forward to the afterlife.
David J
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 11:37 AM
Joined: 2/15/2020
Posts: 350

Dear 2nd-Time-Around-

Thank you so much for your post. We all need something to look forward to, even though we know it will come with great loss. Everyone here is losing their present as their LO loses the past. We have only the future to dream about, and we fear it also. We will all come to the day that we are truly alone, at whatever age, having lost not only our LO, but also years of our lives that we can’t get back. It’s good to hear that life can be good again.