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I am afraid
Posted: Monday, December 7, 2020 7:42 PM
Joined: 5/24/2020
Posts: 36

My husband who is in his 50's has continued to get worse...more agitated, angry, outbursts....I feel terrorized in my own home.  

He is on Seroquel and Resperidone.  I don't know if I'll be able to get him to take any more pills tonight.

Worst case, what does one do if it gets so bad that I am in danger?  Where would they take him?



Posted: Monday, December 7, 2020 7:51 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1288

They will take him to the hospital for a evaluation. They may have to adjust his meds. You should not feel unsafe in your own home. Keep a phone with you at all times and have a safe place to hide till help arrives. Be Safe.
Posted: Monday, December 7, 2020 7:59 PM
Joined: 5/16/2017
Posts: 747

Call 911 to have him taken to an emergency room.  At that point, you need to tell them that you want him admitted to a GeriPsych unit where he can be evaluated, medicated + stabilized + (usually for a two week+ admission)then possibly admitted to a long term facility.

If the ER says he can return home, refuse.  Tell them he is violent with you + you are fearful he will harm you.  Social services will become involved + hopefully help you find a long term solution.   Do NOT take him home unless he has been evaluated + medicated to control his dangerous behavior.

Posted: Monday, December 7, 2020 8:00 PM
Joined: 8/22/2020
Posts: 914

Zetta is right, if you feel threatened you should call 911 and have him taken to an ER at a hospital with a psychiatric wing. He may need to be admitted. Please be careful.
Posted: Monday, December 7, 2020 10:41 PM
Joined: 11/19/2020
Posts: 103

So sorry you're going through this.  Has your husband been at this stage for long?  Wondering if this was new response out of him or whether he's been acting out in this way for quite a while.  Hopefully an assessment of meds, or maybe eating his diet will help make the situation easier to deal with soon.

I worry how I'll respond when I have to deal with the same type of situations.  Hang in there......just remember you're doing your best.

Posted: Tuesday, December 8, 2020 9:21 AM
Joined: 12/21/2018
Posts: 835

Dear HusbandhasEO - 

After DH was diagnosed, he became aggressive, threatening and verbally abusive on more than one occasion. It was very scary, I was shocked the first time it happened and probably didn't think very clearly. 

This post includes several lessons I learned regarding safety. Please don't wait for a crisis to implement safety practices.

The overall lesson is I cannot care for a man that is a risk to my safety.

  1. Think about safety and be safe. Safety comes first. 
  2. ALWAYS keep your cell phone charged and within reach.
  3. Don't hesitate to leave or call 911 in the event of an aggressive explosion that puts your safety at risk. 
  4. Trust the people who have endured, or are enduring this rugged path. They speak from experience  
  5. When people offer to help, let them. 
  6. Don’t expect the social services agencies or the police to meet your expectations. But do call on them for assistance  
  7. Don’t isolate. Develop and maintain a supportive network.
  8. Sleep when you can. 
  9. Don’t delay in handling the legal matters.  
  10. Decisions should be made based on logic, not emotion. 
  11. Remove, hide or lock-up potential weapons. For example, get the guns and ammo out of the house. Get the hammers and box cutters out of the house. I have minimal knives in the kitchen.
  12. Identify rooms in the house can be secured with a lock. Although both the bedroom and bathroom door in our apartment can be locked, my plan is to leave the apartment. 
  13. I am prepared to leave my home without hesitation and I will stay away from my home for as long as necessary even if it means sleeping in my car.
  14. Consider keeping important documents and a “go bag” in the car or off premises. I keep copies off important documents stored with a loved one out of town.
  15. The phone numbers for the crisis response center and the women's resource center are programmed into my phone. 
  16. I practice gratitude no matter how hopeless. For example, I am grateful for all of you. I am grateful for the places I’ve slept. The various roofs I’ve had over my head, hot coffee, nature, my car, a cell phone charger, toothpaste, a hot bath, clean underwear, my faith in a higher power. 

DH was angry for months & months and I was his verbal punching bag. Every loss and every problem was my fault. He said the ugliest things to me. He threw me out of the house. He told several doctors that he was divorcing me which made arranging care especially difficult.

After one particularly horrible incident, DH ended up in the psych hospital. Thank goodness. The 72 hours that he was inpatient provided much need respite for me.

As a result of the hospital stay, DH connected with a geri-psychiatrist that is phenomenal. She prescribed anti-anxiety meds and emphasized to him that the meds would not work if he drank. He didn't stop drinking at that point. After several more horrible incidents, and additional meds, and follow-up visits with the geri-psych doctor, husband is now abstaining from alcohol. THAT has made a huge difference. I have quite a few alcoholics in my life, so I know what an anomaly DH's sobriety is. I credit the meds, the doctor and the grace of God.

The verbal insults still come and are still painful. I try to be my own cheerleader because DH doesn't appreciate the depth of my commitment to his well being and care.

My life was often chaotic, miserable, unpredictable and a lonely place to be. Friends and family did not understand what I was going through. But the people on this forum did. They understood and cared. The caregiver heroes here provided applicable and actionable suggestions. 

I also learned to discuss what happened (my husband's aggressive outbursts) with a trusted friend or professional. Thanks goodness I was able to vent on this forum. I received excellent, NONJUDGMENTAL advice and suggestions from the caregiver heroes here.

Later, my counselor helped me process what happened. Once I shared my experience with someone I trusted, the fear and the shame had less power over me.

Please be safe. You matter. I care.

Links to the original posts follow:

Posted: Tuesday, December 8, 2020 10:30 AM
Joined: 4/12/2019
Posts: 283

LadyTexan, what GREAT advice.  Thanks.


Lynne D
Posted: Tuesday, December 8, 2020 12:05 PM
Joined: 7/21/2020
Posts: 36

Thanks for sharing your experience and advice!
Posted: Tuesday, December 8, 2020 1:23 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1288

((LadyT))))      That was a lot of beautiful helpful advice. This will help a lot of readers. Hugs Zetta
Posted: Thursday, December 10, 2020 12:12 PM
Joined: 5/24/2020
Posts: 36

Thank you all so much for the thoughtful advice.  Lady Texan, you are so right, in that no one can really understand what is going on except for the people here.

The doctor has called an increase in one of his anti-psychotics.  I have also shifted the timing of some of his meds from some advice I found here.  

My husband had an outburst last night that was frightening.  It breaks my heart to have to call 911 and send him to a hospital as I know that will be frightening for him. Smart or not, I told him I would have to do that if he couldn't control himself.  I don't know if that helped. 

He wants to "go home"...and is furious that I am keeping him from home.  Of course, we are at home.

It is strange that he may not be able to remember something that was just said, but he can remember that I didn't help him "go home" last woke up still angry at me.

I also know, I have to protect myself.  

I thought I was prepared for this road with him...but I did not see this coming.

Thanks for listening.

Posted: Thursday, December 10, 2020 12:47 PM
Joined: 8/10/2016
Posts: 2853

Glad you saw this post Lady Texan.  Was hoping you would.
Posted: Thursday, December 10, 2020 2:37 PM
Joined: 10/21/2016
Posts: 2654

HusbandHasEO wrote:

He is on Seroquel and Resperidone.  


If he's taking both of these medications, the first thing I would do is find a new doctor.  They are both atypical anti-psychotics, and aren't intended to be taken together.  There are many other medications that can be combined with Seroquel OR Resperidone to help with behavior problems.  Depakote is one that a good neuropsychiatrist or neurologist would consider.  Good luck.

Posted: Thursday, December 10, 2020 9:10 PM
Joined: 7/12/2017
Posts: 1774

Have them check for a UTI< it can make everything matter
Posted: Monday, December 14, 2020 4:10 PM
Joined: 12/12/2020
Posts: 8

I had such a neighbor. I often helped him with household chores. But at one point he became too angry, sometimes he didn`t understand that this could harm me. On I read about herbal medicines for sedation. I decided to try, he agreed to accept them. After a while he really got better, now he is as cheerful and interesting as before. We continue to communicate well