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Seems like I was just with mom a few weeks ago!
Posted: Monday, November 8, 2021 12:58 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5213

My sweet, precious mom died 2 years ago but I swear it feels like I was just with her and she just left us a few weeks ago! I think of my mom that often, still with a lot of sadness and loss. I haven't asked my siblings how they feel now, but they didn't take care of her. They didn't experience the hardship, the horror, the fear, the indignities to both of us, nor the pain. I know they were sad and felt the loss of losing our mom little by little, but I don't think they will ever understand my experience, which combined both joy of  being her chosen one and the sadness of being that chosen one. You have to have lived it, but I wouldn't want it any other way. That's why I feel drawn to come on here from time to time because I know you all understand. 

Posted: Monday, November 8, 2021 1:38 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1836

((((Tess))))  Thank You for sharing and yes we do understand. My DH has been gone for 3 years and I still feel his presence in our home. You were a very loving caregiver to your Mom and she will be with you forever. Hugs Zetta
Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, November 9, 2021 1:05 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13593

Hello dear Tess, I recall much of your long journey with your dear mother; she was deeply blessed by your loving excellent care.  I understand the depth of your loss.  You were very close and good with your mother; I saw you in my mind's eye as her Guardian Angel on earth.

No matter how long it has been for me, and perhaps for you as you share in your writing, the loss of Mother continues as an ache in the very heart.  For me, as it is  for you, our mothers will continue to be deeply missed. 

My mother has been gone for several years; I often cannot believe it has been that long.  I was the person who was her carer, and it was a difficult road as she had FTD.   We had a long journey with many ups and downs and many ever evolving needs.  I miss her very much; I often talk to her and let her know I am thinking of her.   I tell her how much I appreciated having her for my mother and thank her for all she did over the years and that I love and miss her.  I realize this may sound "out there," but it is what my heart feels and where it goes.

It is always so good to see your name and "hear" your voice, Tess.  With warmest of thoughts being sent to you from one daughter to another,


Posted: Wednesday, November 10, 2021 8:32 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 898

TessC wrote:
My sweet, precious mom died 2 years ago but I swear it feels like I was just with her and she just left us a few weeks ago!  

IMO, her spirit/soul/energy is still with you.  When you feel like you do, she's letting you know she's there.

I'm learning to live like this with Sandy and her little signs...It's also been two years now for me.

Posted: Thursday, November 11, 2021 9:12 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2012

Hi, Tess, I could always count on you for practical down-to-earth advice. I also miss my mom and dad even though now it's been three years and five years for them both. I think the closeness over the past years is the reason sibs and others don't "get" or truly understand the heartache and also the joy of tending to those minute by minute decisions and choices, "letting love lead the way" and that's why I come here too sometimes, sometimes hitting the exit button too soon because the raw feelings shared on the caregiver side are still too triggering, the overwhelmed ness of the "new job" that some caregivers are experiencing, the worried nights, the episodes. In a way, we bonded over the littlest of things, and just knowing there was someone else out there experiencing similar things, and willing to support and commiserate, was helpful. Anyway, sending peaceful and soothing vibes your way. I like that JoC often uses the expression "from one daughter to another." It's a bridge we have between us that is unshakeable and we will always know we did our best and we tried our hardest. Hugs.
Jo C.
Posted: Thursday, November 11, 2021 10:06 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13593

Nadine, it is truly a treat to see you.   What an amazing carer you were with both your mother and father and at the same time. 

Have to share that I so deeply respect and was inspirationally as well as practically moved by both your and Tess's caregiving, care philosophies, and so much more, that I sometimes copied and kept Posts that were written as they were so helpful in various ways.

I truly do miss the both of you who were so much a part of this family of caregivers; you both have so much experiential wisdom.

Do know that both you, our Sunshine Nadine and Tess gave much of yourselves and though you may never know how much you helped other Members or those who were Lurking and reading, you certainly have done so.  Sometimes I do not think of this, but every once in awhile someone will Post after their LO passes away and shares a thank you for Posts that there was no inkling that it meant anything, but it did..   

Take good care Nadine and may the days ahead ease the ongoing heartache and bring the warm and good bits that life has to offer.




Posted: Thursday, November 18, 2021 1:04 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5213

Thank you to everyone who reached out to me on this message. It means a lot to know my mother is not forgotten, nor the time and effort I gave to keep her content and safe. Even now my friends tell me I should write a book, but there are many books out there and so the best advice I can given anyone is to read them all and take what works for you and your loved one and incorporate it into their care. If anything, I think being a mentor, or a supporter, or a navigator is the best way to help. I wish AA had such a program. Caregivers can feel alone in this oftentimes thankless job.

Many good wishes to you all and hope the upcoming holiday season will be happy for you, even as you celebrate it without your very special loved ones who are no longer in your sight. However, I truly believe they are in your presence whenever you wish them to be.  Take care!


Posted: Thursday, December 9, 2021 9:01 PM
Joined: 6/18/2015
Posts: 75

Hi Tess, MPSUNSHINE, and Jo C.

I have not been on this site in so long. (My mom has been

gone 4 years and miss her every minute. ) If it had not been for you three and many other people who helped with information and following up with information; it gave me the breather/break that I needed at that time.

I hope you all know our mothers are with us all the time, especially in our ❤

From one daughter to another...

Take Care,


Jo C.
Posted: Thursday, December 9, 2021 11:01 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13593

Hello Sue; I remember you from the days when you were active on the Board.  It is good to hear from you and I so hope that you are doing well.  May this season be a gentle one for all of you; Sue, Tess, Nadine Zetta and Vet.  This time of the year I especially hear the echoes of years gone by and certainly do miss those times when all was good in the years "before," but also realize how blessed I have been in having those good years and times in my life which give such sweet memories and I am thankful.

You are all very special,