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spouse very condesending
Kevin M
Posted: Thursday, January 13, 2022 12:53 PM
Joined: 12/7/2021
Posts: 3

my spouse is super smart, but does not have one ounce of compassion toward my situation with ALZ . . she gets frustrated that I need to have time to focus on my conversations with out people - she even gets aggravated that I sometimes get confused, she wants immediate action on everything when she wants it - meantime for me about trying to focus and star as astute as possible . . . where does this go from hear?


Posted: Thursday, January 13, 2022 1:54 PM
Joined: 9/10/2021
Posts: 420

Hi Kevin -   Has she read up on anything about ALZ?  Could it be that she is in a type of denial and doesn't want to face it?  Unfortunately, some people don't take the time to learn about it, or don't want to, or just don't have any patience, even if it is someone they love.

Welcome to 'here' - lots of us here who do care. 

Kevin M
Posted: Thursday, January 13, 2022 2:15 PM
Joined: 12/7/2021
Posts: 3

Thanks for the reply - she has logged every Dr's email since 2020, knows the doctor's inside and out - theres no learning curve as she is on top of everything . . . beyond that, it's how I get treated with her, knowingly condescending me and not giving me a chance to engage . . . she will tell me I'm retarded/stupid . . .
Posted: Friday, January 14, 2022 7:01 AM
Joined: 9/10/2021
Posts: 420

We know you are not by any means stupid nor slow just because the brain is taking longer to process than before.   I'm so sorry - she sounds like she just has no patience.
Posted: Friday, January 14, 2022 10:08 AM
Joined: 8/10/2016
Posts: 3840

Kevin I’m so sorry.  Know this has to be so hurtful.  Sure she is stressed too.
mommyandme (m&m)
Posted: Friday, January 14, 2022 3:03 PM
Joined: 2/16/2020
Posts: 758

I’m really sorry…

Has she always been verbally abusive?  Is it possible she also has a cognitive decline? 

I wish you were shown some compassion from your LO! 

Iris L.
Posted: Friday, January 14, 2022 7:36 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18239

Hello Kevin.  It's terrible that your spouse treats you so badly, but this is not unusual.  Many people take advantage of PWDs (persons with dementia).  You have to decide who you trust enough to help you.  Do you have any children or siblings?  You might bring them into your confidence.  It will be hard, because the spouse is the usual caregiver.  Please keep posting. 


Kevin M
Posted: Wednesday, January 19, 2022 9:52 AM
Joined: 12/7/2021
Posts: 3

I will keep posting for sure. I'm working on ways to engage her that is more specific to her needs versus me.  That may be a mistake, but it's worth a shot . . .
Posted: Wednesday, January 19, 2022 11:01 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21020

Your wife, for whatever reason, needs to come to terms with your illness if she is going to be your "care partner". Reading medical information is one thing...understanding the disease is entirely different.

Being a caregiver was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It involves constant adapting, learning and patience. She may not turn out to be very good at it.

Perhaps a serious conversation about the future could help and maybe some counseling with someone who knows the ins and outs of dementia.

Please have her read

You are neither retarded nor stupid. You have an illness that requires attention and you will get pleanty of that here so keep posting. Everyone here either has a form of dementia or is/has been a caregiver.