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Where to start?(1)
Posted: Friday, February 11, 2022 6:57 AM
Joined: 2/11/2022
Posts: 1

Hello everyone, 

I am new to this association and new to having a loved one with this disease. Long story short, we (the family) weren’t aware of my father’s condition until very recent following his third stroke in October 2021. It appears dementia sped up a bit more since then. 

I am reaching out for help where to start. 

I am the oldest of my siblings (31 y.o) and in a better place than everyone financially. Currently living with my fiancé and cats, though we’re planning to start a family later this year. 

I am originally from NYC which is where my family all lives. The plan was originally to wait for my dad’s benefits to kick in so he can move on his own in NYC with assisted living. Currently he’s staying with his brother whom I just learned has been stealing money from my father. Whole other story. The more I think of it the more it makes sense to me for him to move south near me. I’d still like to get him his own place, with assisted living. Because I’m the oldest of my siblings, a lot of the “domestic” things doesn’t bug me. And so cooking, cleaning, and running errands for or with my dad would be fun for me honestly. 

He visited me once this past Christmas and stayed for a couple weeks until end of December, and he hated it. He doesn’t like the suburban life, thought it was too quiet, and missed the city. Even though I told him “he doesn’t do anything in NYC anyways , all he does is watch tv” lol.

But anyways, I’d like to convince him to move here very soon. Is it bad to take him from a city he loves? Will this hurt and progress the disease even more? Also, what resources would you recommend I review as someone new to this that could help us sort of prepare for what’s to come. My father seems to be in an early stage around stage 4. He can no longer read including numbers, has a difficult time putting two and two together, confuses words all the time etc. Also, does it help to correct them? Or, will this disease progress no matter how hard we try to guide him and help him remember? 

Iris L.
Posted: Friday, February 11, 2022 7:52 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18689

Welcome, 2cats.  I am a native New Yorker and I understand your dad's complaints about surburbia.  Nevertheless I suggest you move him close to you.  Involve him in an adult day care or some activity with other people.  If you can't find such, look for a male companion to do activities with him.  But never tell him that he is declining and this is why you are doing whatever it is you are doing.  Most PWDs have anosognosia, which is inability to see their cognitive limitations.  You will have to learn work-arounds which you will learn from the members.  Don't try to correct him.  Learn about validation, a technique of communication.  Dementia is progressive.  Make sure that dementia mimics have been excluded by his neurologist.  Keep his blood pressure under control.  Try to avoid more strokes.  Read about fall prevention in seniors.   If you post on the Caregivers board, you will get more responses.  It doesn't matter about the age.  BTW, I have 5 cats.

Iris L.