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Silver linings
Posted: Monday, March 28, 2022 6:23 AM
Joined: 12/29/2021
Posts: 20

Through this incredibly hard journey, I try to look for the silver linings.  My relationship with my ES LO has not been good for many many years.  She has not liked me very much....something that goes back to our youth.  With this awful disease, she has forgotten why she doesn't like me.  Our relationship, even though it is not what I had originally wanted for so many years, is now on a such better path.  She likes me. I daresay she even loves me like a sister!  When I talk to her on the phone, she recognizes my voice (I live far away) and we can connect easily on so many things.  I never wished for her to have this disease, but I am grateful for the silver lining; our relationship.  

thanks for listening.

Posted: Monday, March 28, 2022 1:38 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1322

It would take an incredibly selfish person to wish this disease on anyone, but I also think it takes a person who always has the vested interests of others to see that sometimes invisible silver lining you spoke of.

I certainly did not see it when my Barbara was first diagnosed. I absolutely did not see it as her condition began to spiral downhill so that my own precious time was being intruded upon. It took a few years to finally accept that Barbara had no doing in this awful condition that was ravaging her. It took a lot of introspection to see that the bad guy was the disease. It took some humbling experiences as her caregiver to realize how blessed I was to be able to care for this woman I loved . 

Now I am able to look back and see that I am the lucky one. Not in the respect that I am alive, but in knowing that I was allowed 38 years to have this wonderful person as my wife and friend.

Her passing was largely painless for her ( I think, ) and only somewhat painful for me, as she had lived long enough for me to prepare myself for that inevitable day when I would wake up alone.

Come back and muse anytime, Judide65.  You will be most welcome !