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Wondering why I'm still here
Posted: Saturday, April 2, 2022 7:59 AM
Joined: 4/2/2019
Posts: 25

I lost my DH on December 5, 2021.  I did fairly well in the beginning but now I find myself spiraling downward and don't .have the energy to get up.  I lay in bed in the morning later and later feeling as if I have no reason to get up. I question why am I still here.  I feel so guilty about doing anything because he should be here with me to enjoy  these things with me.  I feel so cheated I don't want to feel like this.

I found out two weeks ago that I am going to be a grandmother for the first time.  I was on cloud nine.  But then I awoke one morning filled with fear and panic that something would go wrong and I would lose yet another dream.  I know these things are out of my control but how do I stop these thoughts?  He should be here to enjoy these things with me.  Why is life so unfair.  Everyone says time will help heal but does it? Will the void in my heart ever be filled?  Am I losing my mind or is this all a normal part of grieving? 

Posted: Monday, April 4, 2022 12:53 PM
Joined: 9/10/2021
Posts: 565

Hi Jamaicabound - 

so sorry all of this has gone on and for your loss...  Have you thought about a counsellor?  Yes, part of it sounds like grief, but it also sounds like you could use some help to get a lift from out of these blues.

I had one point that I was just so overwhelmed and everything was just too much.  Sooooo much had happened within just one week, and on top of which my beloved grandfather died.  i just had to get calmed down some. A counsellor really helped.

and myself and I know those who are here, care... ((hugs))

Posted: Wednesday, April 6, 2022 1:55 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5213

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I cannot speak from experience as I did not lose a husband, which I know would devastate me as well, but time does truly lessen the pain, but not the loss. Nothing can replace the loss, but the addition of new family members, new friends, new adventures, new activities or hobbies can fill the time and space voids that are left open when we lose someone. 

Each of us grieve in our own ways and for 6 months I actually did not want to have fun of any kind, and I accepted that as part of my grieving. But after years of care giving, I made a point after 6 months to start seeing friends and family I had to neglect while mom was alive. I see now that it helped me to keep busy.

But as one person said, there are wonderful grief therapists who can help those of us who need an extra hand or lift and I hope you will consider going to one to see if they can help you over these blue times. And you can also come on here and tell us how you are feeling or what you are doing because we do care and will lift you up if we can. Good luck and take good care!

Posted: Wednesday, April 13, 2022 1:11 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21305

I firmly believe that in our lifetimes we experiance periods that have us down at the bottom of the barrel. Surely the loss of a spouse can bring us at least close to that bottom. I now it was the hardest thing for me,
Now would be  good time to seek support from your Dr, some grief therapy and here. We do understand, we care and will do our best to support you through a vey difficult time.[

Posted: Thursday, April 14, 2022 10:26 AM
Joined: 1/24/2019
Posts: 319

Hi Jamaicabound,

I lost my DH, Nov 28,21 so I know what you are feeling! I just spent a couple days with my grandkids, son and daughterinlaw and it did help relieve some pain.  The kids really brought me joy for a few days.  Drove home this morning, 1hr 15 minutes and I am feeling drained.   I know these emotions are coming and going and I just need to embrace the good times.  

Have you thought about joining a Griefshare group?  I have met 3 special women in that group and they have helped me weekly as we have been going out for dinner and talking.

I am hoping you have a good day.   One day at a time.

Don't worry about waking up later every day, your body is adjusting to the stress we have!

Congratulations about being a new Grandma soon- it truly is the best feeling!

Posted: Friday, April 15, 2022 4:27 PM
Joined: 12/21/2018
Posts: 1442

My husband died 4/5/2022. I also question why am I still here.

I am so lost and empty without DH. I did not want him to suffer another minute with Alzheimer's. But the loss I feel now is nearly unbearable.

I attended a grief support meeting for the first time this week. It was helpful.

I will engage a counselor in the near future. I have suffered from depression since my 30's (I am now 57). My depression can easily incapacitate me if I don't take my meds and if I don't make healthy choices. My DH would want me to try to have the best life possible. 

The days seem so long and so empty now. I miss him so much.