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How we got the car away from Mom
Internal Administrator
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: Terry Townsend

Try to figure a way to let it be their idea. In my mother’s case, we first disabled the vehicle so it would not start. If your loved one is mechanically inclined, this method may not work for you, but in my mother’s situation, this was not the case. When she persisted about why we couldn’t get it fixed, we explained that there was a very difficult part to acquire on order for it. Another method is to replace their car key with one that looks similar but won’t start the car. Try what ever works best to buy you some time for them to forget because in most cases they will soon forget. Our tactic bought us enough time for her to get use to not driving it, yet she still knew she had a car that was important to her. During this time, my two sisters and I filled in and did everything for her that she normally used her car for. Eventually she disassociated the need to drive the car for the things she had used it for in the past. At this point it was time to try to get the car completely away from her. Out of sight, out of mind seamed to be the order of the day. Her grand-daughter had been driving an old car back and forth to work that was really unreliable and unsafe, so we explained this situation to mother and coaxed her into coming up with the idea of giving her car to her grand-daughter. The way we handled it, it was actually my mother’s decision, which was very important to her, and she felt good about helping out her granddaughter. So get the car away from them but try to let it be their choice, bearing in mind that the car has to go regardless of how it has to unfold.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: Ttom

quote:
Originally posted by Carol Lemke: My dad (77) has Alzheimer's ... Our main concern now is his driving... the grand daughter was very nervous and scared and said she would never drive with him again... And having my mom convince him to let her drive will also be a major challenge for her... So if anyone has some suggestions to for this transition, we would be very grateful.


Hello Carol, my name is Tom and I want to WELCOME you to this board that is designed for people like you and I! I’m sorry to hear about your problems. I'm a person with AD, happy to say that I'm fairly active but realize that there are those moments that I'm out of control. I have willingly surrendered my drivers lisence to the state when they sent me a letter requesting a meeting. Seems that somebody (probably my Neurologist) had informed them that I had been diagnosed with having Cognitive impairment. I decided that I would not want to hurt somebody elses grand child so I sent it in and was issued a state photo ID. After some investigation I found that we might have been sued if I had an auto accident and lost all of our assets and more.

In June of 2008 (age 5 I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s related dementia. I began visiting this message board in August 2008 and the people have become important to me. I’m sure that you will find a number of supporters here for you. Maybe your parents can find another way to get around.

I will attach a link to a site that will lead you to your local Alzheimer’s Association
Chapter. Those people will be able to assist you with local resources and thoughts to improve your life:

http://www.alz.org/apps/findus.asp

Please call the 24/7 Helpline at
1-800-272-3900 if you have any pressing issues!

For Elder Care:
http://www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare/Public/Home.asp

http://www.eldercarelink.com/p...KMvJgCFQHHGgodEUfpag

I think you would find more support in the Care Givers forum. I hope this information helps you to resolve your issues. Best of luck to you. Please come on back to visit us soon!

Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: Linda in Midlothian, VA

Good ideas above. The Alz Assoc suggested we take the blame out of OUR hands and have the doctor write the Dept. of Motor Vehicles and advise them to suspend her license due to health problems. Then she had that mean old DOCTOR to blame, not us!!!

Please, please, please don't delay on this, whoever is reading this. Your loved one could kill some innocent person, or themselves.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: Stacy4598

I'm trying to find a way to do this with my dad who is 700 miles away but my problem is that my mom (who is the caregiver) does not agree and feels like she will be betraying him by doing this and refuses to hurt him. I'm really struggling. I'm headed home in a couple weeks to try again. I need to get her to drive but she doesn't want too becuase she thinks she is fine with Dad driving. The Dr. seems to agree. I need a new Dr. too.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: Lora Miller

In my mother's home town, there was a Center for Healthy Aging. They helped me to evaluate her mental skills and driving. Although she seemed to be driving ok, she failed many of the tests they gave her. We limited her driving area, but she quickly resumed driving everywhere. I have let my sister "borrow" my mom's car so it is out of sight. Mom says that not having a car is the worst thing about getting older. I think that the decision to take the car away is one of the hardest to face for the elderly and their caregivers. Good luck to all!
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: Twinie

I just took the keys away from my husband. He is 58 with EOAD (3 years). He got lost last week and was 40 miles from home. He called to tell me whaere he was and I got him. I still work everyday teaching. He is not happy with me. But I let him drive when I am with him and now looking for a companion to drive him to his lecture classes and tennis. I still want him active. He was a physician and still OK just not driving by himself. It was the hardest thing since the diagnosis. Sheryl from New Jersey.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: Sandy1954

I just wanted to add that you can contact the DMV yourself and ask that the letter read that an anonymous report was made about the driving.They then need a Dr's report to the state ( Dr. may change their mind when they have to put their name to it) and then they have to pass a driving test.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: tiffany9800

Stacy, i remember when we first took my nanny to the dr and he said she could still drive. I thought he was crazy.... and he was!!! The doctors don't see them on an everyday basis to see what we see. Needless to say, we took the keys from her. She hasn't drove in over 4 years and she still thinks she drives everywhere she goes!! i dont tell her any different. She did try to start her car w/ the wrong key several months ago to go see her sister who died about 5 years ago. Its a scary thought to know what would happen if they did drive!!! Good luck w/ your mother and father!!!
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: Carol Lemke

Our situation is a bit different (at least to us) and we would like some suggestions. My dad (77) has Alzheimer's and seems to be transitioning from early stages. He's had it for almost 10 years and he still has a great sense of humor and does ok when he is alone at home still so we consider ourselves very lucky. Our main concern now is his driving. He had the occasion recently to drive one of his grand daughters (she is 23) with my mom in the car. My mom (76) thinks he does fine driving when she is with him but the grand daughter was very nervous and scared and said she would never drive with him again. My parents have been married 55 years next month and my dad has always done the driving whenever they go anywhere. And I have to say, at 76 and 77 years old, they are still very active seniors. Trying to take the car from Dad will be very difficult. And having my mom convince him to let her drive will also be a major challenge for her. If I’m with them I insist on driving and he will usually let’s me. So if anyone has some suggestions to for this transition, we would be very grateful.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: KellyBarron

In Oregon they'll keep the person's identity secret as long as it doesn't result in a lawsuit. But we also have mandatory reporting of unsafe drivers by medical professionals.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: Pam P

When we had to take away Mom's keys, the Dr came up the the idea to tell her that the Dr did not want her to drive because on the her new meds could cause her to be sleepy. That seemed to work and as hard as it was we got the keys. Or at least we thought we had all the sets of keys. Mom, God Bless her, had 3 sets of keys, so my advice is to make sure before you take the keys away, you know how many sets there are. Yes she was driving until we found out about the third set. She forgot she was not supposed to drive. I also had a friend that was just too old to drive safely anymore and when he had to go and take the driving test because of his age, DMV just took his keys right then and there and told him he could no longer drive. Yes he was really upset but learned how to get around town with other public transportation. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 12:44 AM
Originally posted by: glendalee

When did you make the decision to take the car? My MIl still drives to work (for her son who compensates for her), church, groceries.
Last time she drove to the next town to pay a bill she got lost and we found unexplained scratches on the side.
Her son road with her and said she scared him.
She is not so far gone though that we will not have to take the car, faking it breaking or just removing it will not work, She knows she has a car and loves her freedom.
 
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