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here's a tough situation..can anyone help?
Internal Administrator
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

Hey everyone it's been a while since I have been on. But only because i have had a lot going on. I found out I was pregnant in February. After I found out I was pregnant, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks due to being 4cm dialated and having a thin cervix. I was a high risk pregnancy. I ended up having a beautiful baby girl in April and gave her up for adoption. I did however give her my grandma's name for her middle name in honor of my grandma. What really hurts the most is that she has no idea what I have been through. My grandma has declined and gotten worse over the year. She wound up in the hospital the day after my birthday and she had a really bad infection in her legs. Doctors thought it was gangrene but it ended up not being what they thought it was. She was in the hospital for a couple days and is now in a nursing home for good. How do you tell someone with alzheimers they they have a great granddaughter out there? I wanted to keep my daughter but I have too much going on in my life right now. I couldn't have given her a life that she now has with her new parents. I don't regret the decision that i made for her. What I do regret is not telling my grandma that I was pregnant only because she wouldn't have understood. It's very hard for me to accept though. I love my grandma with all my heart and I always told her everything. She was still living at home during easter. I went over there for dinner in maternity clothes and she still didn't notice. I at least want to show her the pictures even if she still doesn't understand. The thing is, she cries really easily. I don't want her to think that I kept it a secret from her or that it was none of her business because that wasn't the case at all. What I would have wanted had I decided to keep my daughter was to have my grandma teach her the things that my grandma taught me growing up. But at this point she wouldn't have been able to do that. I feel so lost right now and with my gramma getting worse, I feel like I have kept something from her that she should have known. I can't help but feel overcome by guilt and left with wondering what could have been had my grandma not been sick and had I kept her. I can't remember how many times I cried for her when I was in the hospital. I have talked with some friends and asked for their input and one said that even though she does not know that I have a daughter, she knows it in her soul. I believe in afterlife, and I'm sure once she crosses over she will know and she will be glad of the decision that I have made and she will always watch over her. But now thta she is still here, is three any way that I can show her the pictures and tell her?? I don't want to have to hide anything from her. How do I break it to her in a simple uncomplicated way to her that would be easy for her to understand? Now that she is in a home, she has had some mood swings lately. The past couple times I have gone in there, she would look at me for a while and say to me who are you and why are you here? If thjat doesn't hurt more than anything. That just makes me heart bleed. I don't blame her for saying that because i know that it's the disease. There was one time I went in there to see her and all she did was cry. I tried to hold her hand and she pushed me away. It was almost like as if she didn't want us to see her that way. Like it was her fault she doesn't remember us anymore. I do know that she is taking Namenda for the Alzheimers. Is this a good drug and does it result in mood swings? I'm kind of thinking she needs an anti depressant. I feel so lost right now and I feel like I should at least show her some of the pictures. It would at least give me some piece of mind knowing that I showed her the pictures. I really felt like something was missing that entire time I was in the hospital..a lot of my family went in to see me but she didn't. I felt that part of me missing and it hurt. I knew that it would have been hard to get her in there because she would have thought she was going in the hospital and not going there to see someone in the hospital. And I think had she saw me in the hospital with IV's in me and stuff she would have panicked and started to cry and it would have had me crying too. So maybe I should at least be glad she didn't see me in the hospital. I don't know what to think. All that I do think about is what could have been and I think about my daughter a lot these days. I am working now. I am trying to get my life back together. Needless to say, 2006 was not my year. I am only hoping that 2007 is a lot better than this year. But I'm slowly improving. I still have good days and bad days. I go to see my grandma as much as I can. And I am the most happy when I am with her because i can still make her smile and laugh because those are the things that i live for. It does hurt when she doesn't know me or recognize me but it still makes me happy to see her because she is still here and i'm taking advantage of the time that I ahve left with her. But what do I do? How do I explain this to her? Is it possible for me to show her the pictures of my daughter without her getting upset? HELP!!!
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

Bonnie, thank you for the prayers. I didn't get to show my grandma the pictures unfortunately. I accidentally left them at my parents house. I guess my grandpa wants to bring her home for the day on Thanksgiving. I'm not so sure it's a good idea. Granted she doesn't know where she is the majority of the time, but there is always that chance that she may think she is going home for good. Is it really worth taking her home with the risk that she may realize that she is going home and not want to go back to the nursing home? I would think that you would want to save them that level of grief only to take them back to the home and I don't want it to be hard on my grandpa when he takes her back because she's giving him a struggle about going back. What can I do?

Sarah
quote:
Originally posted by Mama's Friend:
Dear Sarah,
I thought of you and said a few prayers for you this weekend. I hope all went well as you shared your pictures with your grandma.
A also whole-heartedly agree with Katerin- you showed courage and love when you chose to have your child and then let her go to a family that longed for herm and was ready for her. Keep your head held high, your determination strong, your heart soft and yielding.

Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Mama's Friend

Dear Sarah,
I thought of you and said a few prayers for you this weekend. I hope all went well as you shared your pictures with your grandma.
A also whole-heartedly agree with Katerin- you showed courage and love when you chose to have your child and then let her go to a family that longed for herm and was ready for her. Keep your head held high, your determination strong, your heart soft and yielding.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Katerin

quote:
Originally posted by Sarah Simkovitch:
I just want to thank everyone for their input on this situation. I am going to my parents house tonight for the weekend. I did a lot of thinking and I have decided tos how her the pictures of Kailee. Whatever happens, I hope I have the courage to make it through her reaction. I can't go through not hiding this or not telling her about this anymore. I will njot tell her the circumstances about what happened, but I will tell ehr that she is a great grandma. Please pray for me so that I make it through this. She will probably forget about the pictures eventually anyway, but it would give me peace of mind knowing that has seen the pictures of Kailee. Like my friend told me, even though she does not know that she has a great granddaughter, she knows it in her soul, and she will know when she leaves this life that she has lived in for too long for anyone to suffer with. I just hope I don't break down and cry if she does too. Please pray for me so that I have the strength to amke it through this. Thank you again for your input. It has helped more than you know.

Dear Sarah,
I too applaud your unselfishness and bravery...an act of love you don't need to defend to the few judgemental posters here. You did the right thing for your daughter and you follow your heart in doing what you do for your grandmother. PLease let me know how it went and you have my prayers.oxoxo Katerin
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: JLN

Dear Sarah,

Wow...God is testing you, but He is also there to give you answers...and it seems you are listening.

With all you have gone through, and what will be to come is going to be difficult on a good day. That you care for and love your Grandma so very much is so much more than many elderly have, she is already in a good place. I know seeing her crying tears you up, that she cannot remember or even acknowledge the birth of a great grandchild is sad now...but she will know all once she goes to be with God.

Know this...she knows you love her and that you are there, even if how she expresses it may not seem so. I believe that late stage dementia is almost like traveling to another dimension, yet still living with the rest of the world in a past dimension.

May I suggest some things that might help her to have a little more happiness with the time you have left?

* Make a memory box. This is a container in which you can put pictures, like those of her and her husband, siblings, children. Loved ones from all stages of her life, as she may be thinking at times that she is 23 again and just starting a family, or that her husband forgot to take the garbage out. Also try to focus on all the senses. Perfume she wore, or cologne/aftershave her husband wore, handkerchiefs, pipe tobacco (in a container that will emit smell but cannot be opened as she may mistake it for food), items from home that smell and feel like home, music music music!-one of the best reminiscent stimuli for all levels of dementia, favorite foods as a snack, lotion she used in the past for hand/foot massage, stimulating olfactory and touch, nail file and polish, a brush for her hair. A favorite blanket and or pillow from home is also a lovely comfort measure.

Notify the activity staff that the memory box is there so when you cannot be there the activity staff or CNAs can use the items to comfort her.

* Read to her. Some good things that work well with a short term memory are Chicken Soup For the Soul series, magazine articles (Reminisce mag is excellent, also Reader's Digest), the Bible or the Torah...anything spiritual.

*Hold her hand and cuddle, play with her hair, rub her shoulders. This is not effective with everyone, as some folks were never cuddly types.

*If she was one to always dote on her appearance...applying light make-up, cleaning her face, general pampering is very nice.

*Take this with a grain of salt, as I have no medical background. Know her meds, why they are being used, and do not be afraid to question if what she is taking is appropriate. If the nursing staff only gives "fluff" feedback, don't be afraid to speak with the DON, and if you still get fluff, speak directly with her doctor. I have seen amazing things happen with a simple med change, whether it be discontinuing something or trying something new.

I'll repeat what I hope you have heard too many times...take care of yourself....schedule "Sarah time". You can't take care of anyone if you yourself are not taken care of.

My prayers are with you.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

Deborah,

Yes, it has been the hardest decision to make to give up my daughter not knowing if I'll ever see her again. But, I will leave this situation is God's hands and in my daughters hands as well. The pictures that I have gotten from her parents have given me the ease of mind knowing that she is doing great and she is healthy and with a family that loves her. I do not regret the decision that I have made and I am getting by okay. Granted this holiday season is very hard, I know in the end I will be okay. Thanks for the post, I appreciate the words of wisdom and the fact that you have stuck up for me.

Sarah
quote:
Originally posted by Deborah U:
Sarah,
God bless you for having the courage to give your baby the best that you can. I can't imagine a harder decision to have to make and I know it must have tugged at your heart strings. Blessed are the babies who are allowed to come into this world full term, healthy and loved.
I admire you so much.
Zoey please don't judge others for life decisions they are making. Unless you have walked in her shoes you really do not know her or her most intimate life circumstances. With thousands of babies aborted I am just so proud of her for going the distance and giving her baby a wonderful start in life.

Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Twice Blessed

GO to the top of whatever forum you wish to post in and click on the red tab to the left that says "Start a new discussion or poll" then choose discussion or poll.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Johanna C

Dear Sarah:

First: I have nothing but respect and admiration regarding your decision for your beautiful baby. You did the perfect thing.

Second: I can also hear feelings coming through loud and clear. If you have not, please call social services in your local hospital and adoption agency or Google and find a support group of young birth mothers like yourself. This will be invaluable to you in many, many ways.

Third: It sounds as though your Grandmother may not have the cognitive processes in place to understand the convolutions in the story regarding your pregnancy and your loving decision. If you follow through with telling your story to Grandmother; and she doesn't grasp it or remember, what you can do in the future is show her the picture of the baby, and just tell her, "Look Grandma. Isn't this a beautiful baby? She has your name too. I hope that when she grows up, she has learned all the things from her grandmother that I learned from you." And then proceed to tell Grandmother what you have learned and valued from her and how you love her.

After Grandmother is no longer with you; you can offer up a prayer to your new "angel" and talk to her about the baby from your spirit to hers. It will be lovingly heard. Some day, in the future, you too will have an opportunity to be a loving grandmother and you will take all the beautiful memories and lessons from your Gran and do the same for your grandchildren.

Even though things in your life are topsy turvy and not where you want them to be right now; some day they will be. You just may not be able to see that as yet. Leave yourself open, make good decisions, (they may not be the easiest), and make your life once of positive choices.

Take good care,
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: heavensentgoji

Hi!! I am new to this board and to this problem. Can anyone guide me in how to post on the board as I do not see an icon to click on.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

I just want to thank everyone for their input on this situation. I am going to my parents house tonight for the weekend. I did a lot of thinking and I have decided tos how her the pictures of Kailee. Whatever happens, I hope I have the courage to make it through her reaction. I can't go through not hiding this or not telling her about this anymore. I will njot tell her the circumstances about what happened, but I will tell ehr that she is a great grandma. Please pray for me so that I make it through this. She will probably forget about the pictures eventually anyway, but it would give me peace of mind knowing that has seen the pictures of Kailee. Like my friend told me, even though she does not know that she has a great granddaughter, she knows it in her soul, and she will know when she leaves this life that she has lived in for too long for anyone to suffer with. I just hope I don't break down and cry if she does too. Please pray for me so that I have the strength to amke it through this. Thank you again for your input. It has helped more than you know.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: ZOEY M

I admire you too, Dearest Sarah..........for your decision to go thru birth, that alone must have been tough.....although I don't know. I just told one of my students 2 wks ago......Amanda, Im so happy you did NOT consider the the termination of that little one in your belly, she is a 9th grader and gets hasseled, but I'm proud of her and I hate to even say the word...(abortion)....Hi 5's Sarah......You sound like a mature, lovely lady.....bye friend.........ZOEY M
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Mama's Friend

I so agree with Nutty... you are to be commended for loving your baby enough to let her go....

I think I may have not made my position clear: I keep nothing from Mom that might bring her joy. And everything that might bring her anguish. In your place, I would share the pictures so she can be proud, but not the circumstances.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

Johanna,
Your post left me in tears....thank you for the advice. I did show my grandma the pictures of my daughter and she cried of course but she thought the baby was beautiful. Maybe I shouldn't have shown her the pictures but it was bothering me and even though it would have saved her some grief, I feel that she would have been happy with the decision I made. The fact that she saw a picture of a baby made her cheer up....she thought she was beautiful..really cute. The way I approached it was I pulled out the picture from my pocket and I asked her what she thought of the picture and she said it was really cute and beautiful and that was when i broke the news to her that the baby in the picture is my daughter. She looked at me and I told her that the baby in the picture is her great granddaughter and she wept. I think she was shocked at first but she was just caught off guard of you ask me. I think even for a breif minute or two she understood and she kept saying that she missed a lot. I told her that it was okay that that kailee is doing really well. She was even able to say kailee's name without having a hard time saying it because now she has a hard time saying things and she seems to be tripping over her words more and more often.

If anything I'm glad that she saw the pictures. I feel better because I don't feel like I am hiding anyhting anymore. She knows now, and even thought she probably forgot about the pictures by now, she saw those pictures and I feel better.

Thank you soo much for the info and the advice. It meant a lot to hear those words and yes I plan on looking into a group for birthmothers. Ironically, someone else I know told me to look into that so I will be doing that very soon...just when I get the time. Take care and I hope that things are going well in your worls than they have been in mine.
quote:
Originally posted by Johanna C:
Dear Sarah:

First: I have nothing but respect and admiration regarding your decision for your beautiful baby. You did the perfect thing.

Second: I can also hear feelings coming through loud and clear. If you have not, please call social services in your local hospital and adoption agency or Google and find a support group of young birth mothers like yourself. This will be invaluable to you in many, many ways.

Third: It sounds as though your Grandmother may not have the cognitive processes in place to understand the convolutions in the story regarding your pregnancy and your loving decision. If you follow through with telling your story to Grandmother; and she doesn't grasp it or remember, what you can do in the future is show her the picture of the baby, and just tell her, "Look Grandma. Isn't this a beautiful baby? She has your name too. I hope that when she grows up, she has learned all the things from her grandmother that I learned from you." And then proceed to tell Grandmother what you have learned and valued from her and how you love her.

After Grandmother is no longer with you; you can offer up a prayer to your new "angel" and talk to her about the baby from your spirit to hers. It will be lovingly heard. Some day, in the future, you too will have an opportunity to be a loving grandmother and you will take all the beautiful memories and lessons from your Gran and do the same for your grandchildren.

Even though things in your life are topsy turvy and not where you want them to be right now; some day they will be. You just may not be able to see that as yet. Leave yourself open, make good decisions, (they may not be the easiest), and make your life once of positive choices.

Take good care,

Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

Jen,
Thank you so much for the tips and the advice. I will certainly start a memory box. What a great idea. I usually make sure that she is being well taken care of, and I alwyas make time for me. Granted I don't get to spend as much time with my grandma as I would like to, but I know that the time I do spend with her, I am the most happy because she is still here. Things are difficult after what I ahve been through, but through it all, I ahve kept my head high and I haven't given up. If anything my grandma has always taught me to be strong at heart. I have introduced pet therapy to her. I took my dog in over the weekend to visit with her for a bit and needless to say she was exstatic. Granted she probably doesn't remember the dog anymore, it still made her feel a lot better and she was able to smile again. I lived for that moment more than anything. Thank you for the advice, and I will get started on that memory box when I get the time. Like they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
quote:
Originally posted by JLN:
Dear Sarah,

Wow...God is testing you, but He is also there to give you answers...and it seems you are listening.

With all you have gone through, and what will be to come is going to be difficult on a good day. That you care for and love your Grandma so very much is so much more than many elderly have, she is already in a good place. I know seeing her crying tears you up, that she cannot remember or even acknowledge the birth of a great grandchild is sad now...but she will know all once she goes to be with God.

Know this...she knows you love her and that you are there, even if how she expresses it may not seem so. I believe that late stage dementia is almost like traveling to another dimension, yet still living with the rest of the world in a past dimension.

May I suggest some things that might help her to have a little more happiness with the time you have left?

* Make a memory box. This is a container in which you can put pictures, like those of her and her husband, siblings, children. Loved ones from all stages of her life, as she may be thinking at times that she is 23 again and just starting a family, or that her husband forgot to take the garbage out. Also try to focus on all the senses. Perfume she wore, or cologne/aftershave her husband wore, handkerchiefs, pipe tobacco (in a container that will emit smell but cannot be opened as she may mistake it for food), items from home that smell and feel like home, music music music!-one of the best reminiscent stimuli for all levels of dementia, favorite foods as a snack, lotion she used in the past for hand/foot massage, stimulating olfactory and touch, nail file and polish, a brush for her hair. A favorite blanket and or pillow from home is also a lovely comfort measure.

Notify the activity staff that the memory box is there so when you cannot be there the activity staff or CNAs can use the items to comfort her.

* Read to her. Some good things that work well with a short term memory are Chicken Soup For the Soul series, magazine articles (Reminisce mag is excellent, also Reader's Digest), the Bible or the Torah...anything spiritual.

*Hold her hand and cuddle, play with her hair, rub her shoulders. This is not effective with everyone, as some folks were never cuddly types.

*If she was one to always dote on her appearance...applying light make-up, cleaning her face, general pampering is very nice.

*Take this with a grain of salt, as I have no medical background. Know her meds, why they are being used, and do not be afraid to question if what she is taking is appropriate. If the nursing staff only gives "fluff" feedback, don't be afraid to speak with the DON, and if you still get fluff, speak directly with her doctor. I have seen amazing things happen with a simple med change, whether it be discontinuing something or trying something new.

I'll repeat what I hope you have heard too many times...take care of yourself....schedule "Sarah time". You can't take care of anyone if you yourself are not taken care of.

My prayers are with you.

Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

NC,
I did mention it to her and I did show her the pictures, and I think for a brief minute or two she understood. Granted she got upset, she was happy to see a picture of a baby. I told her that my daughter is doing very well and after I said that she was able to calm down.

I am at peace with the decision I have made for my daughter and I too hope that she looks for me. I have no regrets and I am doing okay. My only challenge now is getting through Christmas without being a scrooge which I believe is too late. I have already cried I can't tell you how many times and it just seems hard anymore to get into the christmas spirit. I hate hearing christmas music and I'm just not happy. I don't know what to do to get into the "spirit" but if anything I hope I'm not like this all of this month. I hate being bitter but darn it, I'm just not liking this season anymore. I guess I hate Christmas until I'm happy again. Well I hope things look up for me in the end because right now, it's hard to keep my chin up when my life is so up and down. Any advice would help in this situation.
quote:
Originally posted by NC:
Sarah,
It is not an easy thing to give up a child and about the hardest thing in your life to do . I hope that you will get to see her one day . One day again soon it will be the right time to have another child .

May I only suggest that you do not say anything to your grandmother with Alz she will not understand . YOu are correct in saying , knowone know your situation until they have walked in your shoes.

Can I say this to you Sarah you did what was best for you baby girl and for you now. So go in peace and know that she is in a good home and love you grandmother for me .

Take care,
NC

Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: ZOEY M

OH MY GOSH.....I have never been blessed with children, but as much as I want to sympathize with you, I cannot understand why someone would give up their beautiful bundle of joy, at least you didn't get an abortion, for that you should be honored.....sorry, thought I could be more help, but never having the blessing of a child......At least now I know why I don't have children, my Mom...is who I devote all my life to, because she gave me life, she instilled in me the sense of compassion, love and belonging.....

TIME IS
TOO SLOW FOR THOSE WHO WAIT
TOO SWIFT FOR THOSE WHO FEAR
TOO LONG FOR THOSE WHO GRIEVE
TOO SHORT FOR THOSE WHO REJOICE
BUT FOR THOSE WHO LOVE - -
TIME IS ETRERNITY
ZOEY
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: angelgirl

Sarah - I just want to say don't get overwhelmed with the situation right now - it can be very discouraging at times - take it one step at a time - it will all be o.k. As far as you giving up your daughter for adoption - if it weren't for someone in your similar situation 16 years ago - I would not have my beautiful daughter - Rebecca - that I adopted. Giving your child up for adoption when you know you are not in a position to raise that child is one of the most unselfish things a person can do in my book. As far as your Grandmother - if you show her the pictures and she understands them - I believe it was meant to be. You can sit right by her and explain the whole situation - she loves you - you can tell her the story of a woman who went through many years of trying to conceive a child and many tests, ETC, ETC., and could not have any children and it broke her heart. She then came upon someone who already had a 2 year old and in her teens who was pregnant again and new she could not raise another child at that point - therefore - she let me adopt her beautiful daughter - whom I thank God for every day - she gave me the gift of life - my little treasure - my angelgirl.

Good luck honey - I hope this helped you a little - please keep me posted
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

Kat,
Surprisingly, I found out that she did very well when they took her back. However I wouldn't have minded jumping in bed with her and waiting until she fell asleep. She used to do that with me when I was younger. I would do anything that I can to be there with her ven though I have my own busy schedule and life to attend to, I know that even though I can't be there with her, my heart is always by her side.

As far as the sedative or the sleeping pill, she doesn't like taking pills that well and the fact that she did well going back was good enough. I don't think she even realized that she was at her own home. I guess that was just the blessing in disguise for us. Thanks for the advice though.
quote:
Originally posted by Kat Burns:
Sarah, I admire your courage and unselfish-ness, both in choosing the best possible life for your daughter and in wanting what's best for your grandmother.

I hope all goes well with the visit home. Your instincts are probably right with this one, it's likely to be difficult to take her back to the nursing home after she's been home. Maybe she can be taken back at night with a light sedative or sleeping pill and someone could climb into bed with her until she's asleep.

Kat

Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Kat Burns

Sarah, I admire your courage and unselfish-ness, both in choosing the best possible life for your daughter and in wanting what's best for your grandmother.

I hope all goes well with the visit home. Your instincts are probably right with this one, it's likely to be difficult to take her back to the nursing home after she's been home. Maybe she can be taken back at night with a light sedative or sleeping pill and someone could climb into bed with her until she's asleep.

Kat
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Twice Blessed

Sarah, I happen to have one of those sweet babys that a birth mother could not care for. She is a very true blessing in my life and I know someday she will also understand what a blessing she also received when she was placed in my arms the day she was born. She is loved so much.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Jena

Sarah ,
I am glad that showing to the pictures to your grandmother worked out for you. Yes, this will be had had Christmas to get through , but if you could go to counsling that would help or talk with a close friend . Life is not easy and , but time will help . Just take one day at a time .

You did what was best for you and that is all that is needed . You have to do the right thing in life . Now you must move on and tomorrow is another day . You are not alone .
We are here for you . What is the saying from the bible and don't mean to preach , but for who is without sin let them cast the first stone .

I guess I will here on this quote .

Take care ,

NC
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Jena

Sarah,
It is not an easy thing to give up a child and about the hardest thing in your life to do . I hope that you will get to see her one day . One day again soon it will be the right time to have another child .

May I only suggest that you do not say anything to your grandmother with Alz she will not understand . YOu are correct in saying , knowone know your situation until they have walked in your shoes.

Can I say this to you Sarah you did what was best for you baby girl and for you now. So go in peace and know that she is in a good home and love you grandmother for me .

Take care,
NC
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: aunties friend

sarah, soooo sorry that yoy have to go through this! it takes much courage and wanting the best for your child to have done giving her away.my very own heart aches for you. just know you have done the right thing. in years to come you will wonder about her but you must remember she is in a home where they love her and she gets every thing she needs.just look for the blessings in this. grandma needs you to. no matter how grandma recieves you you must be the lovind granddaughter its not her it is this horrible disease that has her. if you want to tell her, pick a time you and she are having a good day and do this hold her hand and tell her you love her and just be there she may remember may not,just love her thre this and always.i will keep you in my heart and prayers let me know how you are doing, i'll keep cheching her for your post. hang in there just when you think it can't get any worse it gets better.your grandma did not teach you all those things for nothing!!!
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: NuttyChris

Sarah,

I commend you for your courage to go through with a difficult pregnancy and then to give your beautiful daughter to a family who so longed to be parents. There is much to be said about loving enough to let go. Bless you.

As for your grandmother knowing or not knowing the grandchild...my MIL and our family all live together. My 19 mo baby eats in the high chair right next to her when we all sit together. Some days she picks up that he is a grandson. Sometimes he is just "them" (ie: the other people in the "hospital" in her mind) Some days she realizes I am her daughter in law...but regardless of whether or not she "knows" the relationships in her life, she knows she is loved. THAT is what matters.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Katrina

Sarah,

I commend you for your maturity and courage. I have an adopted son and my sister has an adopted son. both of our lives are greatly blessed by these two children. I became pregant with my daughter AFTER I adopted my son by the grace of God. No doctor can still explain why that happened. It takes great love to give up a child. I believe that God's plan was for my Derek to be with us. That's why I got pregnant after the adoption and 10+ years of praying and attempting all medicine had to offer. There is a family out there that was meant to have Kailee! She will be thier blessing! I would show her the pictures. Give your Grandma a picture to have and let God take it from there. I will keep you in my prayers. Please know there was no greater gift you could have given to Kailee and her adpotive parents.

Katrina
quote:
Originally posted by Sarah Simkovitch:
Hey everyone it's been a while since I have been on. But only because i have had a lot going on. I found out I was pregnant in February. After I found out I was pregnant, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks due to being 4cm dialated and having a thin cervix. I was a high risk pregnancy. I ended up having a beautiful baby girl in April and gave her up for adoption. I did however give her my grandma's name for her middle name in honor of my grandma. What really hurts the most is that she has no idea what I have been through. My grandma has declined and gotten worse over the year. She wound up in the hospital the day after my birthday and she had a really bad infection in her legs. Doctors thought it was gangrene but it ended up not being what they thought it was. She was in the hospital for a couple days and is now in a nursing home for good. How do you tell someone with alzheimers they they have a great granddaughter out there? I wanted to keep my daughter but I have too much going on in my life right now. I couldn't have given her a life that she now has with her new parents. I don't regret the decision that i made for her. What I do regret is not telling my grandma that I was pregnant only because she wouldn't have understood. It's very hard for me to accept though. I love my grandma with all my heart and I always told her everything. She was still living at home during easter. I went over there for dinner in maternity clothes and she still didn't notice. I at least want to show her the pictures even if she still doesn't understand. The thing is, she cries really easily. I don't want her to think that I kept it a secret from her or that it was none of her business because that wasn't the case at all. What I would have wanted had I decided to keep my daughter was to have my grandma teach her the things that my grandma taught me growing up. But at this point she wouldn't have been able to do that. I feel so lost right now and with my gramma getting worse, I feel like I have kept something from her that she should have known. I can't help but feel overcome by guilt and left with wondering what could have been had my grandma not been sick and had I kept her. I can't remember how many times I cried for her when I was in the hospital. I have talked with some friends and asked for their input and one said that even though she does not know that I have a daughter, she knows it in her soul. I believe in afterlife, and I'm sure once she crosses over she will know and she will be glad of the decision that I have made and she will always watch over her. But now thta she is still here, is three any way that I can show her the pictures and tell her?? I don't want to have to hide anything from her. How do I break it to her in a simple uncomplicated way to her that would be easy for her to understand? Now that she is in a home, she has had some mood swings lately. The past couple times I have gone in there, she would look at me for a while and say to me who are you and why are you here? If thjat doesn't hurt more than anything. That just makes me heart bleed. I don't blame her for saying that because i know that it's the disease. There was one time I went in there to see her and all she did was cry. I tried to hold her hand and she pushed me away. It was almost like as if she didn't want us to see her that way. Like it was her fault she doesn't remember us anymore. I do know that she is taking Namenda for the Alzheimers. Is this a good drug and does it result in mood swings? I'm kind of thinking she needs an anti depressant. I feel so lost right now and I feel like I should at least show her some of the pictures. It would at least give me some piece of mind knowing that I showed her the pictures. I really felt like something was missing that entire time I was in the hospital..a lot of my family went in to see me but she didn't. I felt that part of me missing and it hurt. I knew that it would have been hard to get her in there because she would have thought she was going in the hospital and not going there to see someone in the hospital. And I think had she saw me in the hospital with IV's in me and stuff she would have panicked and started to cry and it would have had me crying too. So maybe I should at least be glad she didn't see me in the hospital. I don't know what to think. All that I do think about is what could have been and I think about my daughter a lot these days. I am working now. I am trying to get my life back together. Needless to say, 2006 was not my year. I am only hoping that 2007 is a lot better than this year. But I'm slowly improving. I still have good days and bad days. I go to see my grandma as much as I can. And I am the most happy when I am with her because i can still make her smile and laugh because those are the things that i live for. It does hurt when she doesn't know me or recognize me but it still makes me happy to see her because she is still here and i'm taking advantage of the time that I ahve left with her. But what do I do? How do I explain this to her? Is it possible for me to show her the pictures of my daughter without her getting upset? HELP!!!

Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Sarah Simkovitch

Zoey,
I gave up my daughter up because I knew that I can't give her a life that she so deserves right now. I am not stable enough to take care of a child. I wouldn't be able to give her everything she wants and I can't give her everything she needs. PLus, the father denies her and me. I want my daughter to have a constant father figure in her life. Now just isn't the time for me to have kids when I can't afford to raise them knowing that I still want to live a life and have fun with my friends. With a child, I wouldn't have ben able to do that. If it's hard for you to sympathize, why did you even leave a message. That message you left me kind of hurt in a way. And until you have walked a mile in my shoes, then you'll understand. I know that I did the best thing I could have ever done for my daughter and I don't regret what I did. I gave a family a life that they never thought they could have. That is what gives me peace of mind. I have a daughter that I will meet in 18 years, and if she has questions for me that she wants answers to, which I have no doubt in my mind that she will, I will answer them, because I have nothing to hide. It's hard to raise a daughter onj your own, especially without the father around. I hope you understanhd my situation now. If it is still hard to sympathize, then please don't bother to tell me, because it still hurts enough even though it's been over 6 months since I had Kailee. Spare my feelings because I am way too sensitive anymore.
quote:
Originally posted by ZOEY M:
OH MY GOSH.....I have never been blessed with children, but as much as I want to sympathize with you, I cannot understand why someone would give up their beautiful bundle of joy, at least you didn't get an abortion, for that you should be honored.....sorry, thought I could be more help, but never having the blessing of a child......At least now I know why I don't have children, my Mom...is who I devote all my life to, because she gave me life, she instilled in me the sense of compassion, love and belonging.....

TIME IS
TOO SLOW FOR THOSE WHO WAIT
TOO SWIFT FOR THOSE WHO FEAR
TOO LONG FOR THOSE WHO GRIEVE
TOO SHORT FOR THOSE WHO REJOICE
BUT FOR THOSE WHO LOVE - -
TIME IS ETRERNITY
ZOEY

Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:46 AM
Originally posted by: Mama's Friend

Thank you for giving your precious daughter the gift of life.
Thank you for loving her enough to share her with a family that longed for a child

I believe you should show your grandma the pictures and let her know she is a great grandma. Depending on what stage of AD she is, she may not even ask where she is. My mom loved looking at pictures of her great grandaughter but even when we did take her by, she did not remember her 5 minutes later. I made losts of copies of the pictures because she would carry them around and get them dirty and sometimes tear them up. She sure did love having them nearby though.

Honestly, my opinion (and it's worth what you are paying for it) is that Grandma does not need to know anymore. I would keep as much anquish from her as possible.
 
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