Archived Message Board
Persons with Memory Loss
here's a tough situation..can anyone help?
quote:Originally posted by Mama's Friend:Dear Sarah, I thought of you and said a few prayers for you this weekend. I hope all went well as you shared your pictures with your grandma. A also whole-heartedly agree with Katerin- you showed courage and love when you chose to have your child and then let her go to a family that longed for herm and was ready for her. Keep your head held high, your determination strong, your heart soft and yielding.
quote:Originally posted by Sarah Simkovitch:I just want to thank everyone for their input on this situation. I am going to my parents house tonight for the weekend. I did a lot of thinking and I have decided tos how her the pictures of Kailee. Whatever happens, I hope I have the courage to make it through her reaction. I can't go through not hiding this or not telling her about this anymore. I will njot tell her the circumstances about what happened, but I will tell ehr that she is a great grandma. Please pray for me so that I make it through this. She will probably forget about the pictures eventually anyway, but it would give me peace of mind knowing that has seen the pictures of Kailee. Like my friend told me, even though she does not know that she has a great granddaughter, she knows it in her soul, and she will know when she leaves this life that she has lived in for too long for anyone to suffer with. I just hope I don't break down and cry if she does too. Please pray for me so that I have the strength to amke it through this. Thank you again for your input. It has helped more than you know.
quote:Originally posted by Deborah U:Sarah,God bless you for having the courage to give your baby the best that you can. I can't imagine a harder decision to have to make and I know it must have tugged at your heart strings. Blessed are the babies who are allowed to come into this world full term, healthy and loved.I admire you so much. Zoey please don't judge others for life decisions they are making. Unless you have walked in her shoes you really do not know her or her most intimate life circumstances. With thousands of babies aborted I am just so proud of her for going the distance and giving her baby a wonderful start in life.
quote:Originally posted by Johanna C:Dear Sarah:First: I have nothing but respect and admiration regarding your decision for your beautiful baby. You did the perfect thing.Second: I can also hear feelings coming through loud and clear. If you have not, please call social services in your local hospital and adoption agency or Google and find a support group of young birth mothers like yourself. This will be invaluable to you in many, many ways.Third: It sounds as though your Grandmother may not have the cognitive processes in place to understand the convolutions in the story regarding your pregnancy and your loving decision. If you follow through with telling your story to Grandmother; and she doesn't grasp it or remember, what you can do in the future is show her the picture of the baby, and just tell her, "Look Grandma. Isn't this a beautiful baby? She has your name too. I hope that when she grows up, she has learned all the things from her grandmother that I learned from you." And then proceed to tell Grandmother what you have learned and valued from her and how you love her.After Grandmother is no longer with you; you can offer up a prayer to your new "angel" and talk to her about the baby from your spirit to hers. It will be lovingly heard. Some day, in the future, you too will have an opportunity to be a loving grandmother and you will take all the beautiful memories and lessons from your Gran and do the same for your grandchildren.Even though things in your life are topsy turvy and not where you want them to be right now; some day they will be. You just may not be able to see that as yet. Leave yourself open, make good decisions, (they may not be the easiest), and make your life once of positive choices.Take good care,
quote:Originally posted by JLN:Dear Sarah,Wow...God is testing you, but He is also there to give you answers...and it seems you are listening.With all you have gone through, and what will be to come is going to be difficult on a good day. That you care for and love your Grandma so very much is so much more than many elderly have, she is already in a good place. I know seeing her crying tears you up, that she cannot remember or even acknowledge the birth of a great grandchild is sad now...but she will know all once she goes to be with God.Know this...she knows you love her and that you are there, even if how she expresses it may not seem so. I believe that late stage dementia is almost like traveling to another dimension, yet still living with the rest of the world in a past dimension.May I suggest some things that might help her to have a little more happiness with the time you have left?* Make a memory box. This is a container in which you can put pictures, like those of her and her husband, siblings, children. Loved ones from all stages of her life, as she may be thinking at times that she is 23 again and just starting a family, or that her husband forgot to take the garbage out. Also try to focus on all the senses. Perfume she wore, or cologne/aftershave her husband wore, handkerchiefs, pipe tobacco (in a container that will emit smell but cannot be opened as she may mistake it for food), items from home that smell and feel like home, music music music!-one of the best reminiscent stimuli for all levels of dementia, favorite foods as a snack, lotion she used in the past for hand/foot massage, stimulating olfactory and touch, nail file and polish, a brush for her hair. A favorite blanket and or pillow from home is also a lovely comfort measure.Notify the activity staff that the memory box is there so when you cannot be there the activity staff or CNAs can use the items to comfort her.* Read to her. Some good things that work well with a short term memory are Chicken Soup For the Soul series, magazine articles (Reminisce mag is excellent, also Reader's Digest), the Bible or the Torah...anything spiritual.*Hold her hand and cuddle, play with her hair, rub her shoulders. This is not effective with everyone, as some folks were never cuddly types.*If she was one to always dote on her appearance...applying light make-up, cleaning her face, general pampering is very nice.*Take this with a grain of salt, as I have no medical background. Know her meds, why they are being used, and do not be afraid to question if what she is taking is appropriate. If the nursing staff only gives "fluff" feedback, don't be afraid to speak with the DON, and if you still get fluff, speak directly with her doctor. I have seen amazing things happen with a simple med change, whether it be discontinuing something or trying something new.I'll repeat what I hope you have heard too many times...take care of yourself....schedule "Sarah time". You can't take care of anyone if you yourself are not taken care of.My prayers are with you.
quote:Originally posted by NC:Sarah, It is not an easy thing to give up a child and about the hardest thing in your life to do . I hope that you will get to see her one day . One day again soon it will be the right time to have another child . May I only suggest that you do not say anything to your grandmother with Alz she will not understand . YOu are correct in saying , knowone know your situation until they have walked in your shoes. Can I say this to you Sarah you did what was best for you baby girl and for you now. So go in peace and know that she is in a good home and love you grandmother for me . Take care, NC
quote:Originally posted by Kat Burns:Sarah, I admire your courage and unselfish-ness, both in choosing the best possible life for your daughter and in wanting what's best for your grandmother. I hope all goes well with the visit home. Your instincts are probably right with this one, it's likely to be difficult to take her back to the nursing home after she's been home. Maybe she can be taken back at night with a light sedative or sleeping pill and someone could climb into bed with her until she's asleep. Kat
quote:Originally posted by Sarah Simkovitch:Hey everyone it's been a while since I have been on. But only because i have had a lot going on. I found out I was pregnant in February. After I found out I was pregnant, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks due to being 4cm dialated and having a thin cervix. I was a high risk pregnancy. I ended up having a beautiful baby girl in April and gave her up for adoption. I did however give her my grandma's name for her middle name in honor of my grandma. What really hurts the most is that she has no idea what I have been through. My grandma has declined and gotten worse over the year. She wound up in the hospital the day after my birthday and she had a really bad infection in her legs. Doctors thought it was gangrene but it ended up not being what they thought it was. She was in the hospital for a couple days and is now in a nursing home for good. How do you tell someone with alzheimers they they have a great granddaughter out there? I wanted to keep my daughter but I have too much going on in my life right now. I couldn't have given her a life that she now has with her new parents. I don't regret the decision that i made for her. What I do regret is not telling my grandma that I was pregnant only because she wouldn't have understood. It's very hard for me to accept though. I love my grandma with all my heart and I always told her everything. She was still living at home during easter. I went over there for dinner in maternity clothes and she still didn't notice. I at least want to show her the pictures even if she still doesn't understand. The thing is, she cries really easily. I don't want her to think that I kept it a secret from her or that it was none of her business because that wasn't the case at all. What I would have wanted had I decided to keep my daughter was to have my grandma teach her the things that my grandma taught me growing up. But at this point she wouldn't have been able to do that. I feel so lost right now and with my gramma getting worse, I feel like I have kept something from her that she should have known. I can't help but feel overcome by guilt and left with wondering what could have been had my grandma not been sick and had I kept her. I can't remember how many times I cried for her when I was in the hospital. I have talked with some friends and asked for their input and one said that even though she does not know that I have a daughter, she knows it in her soul. I believe in afterlife, and I'm sure once she crosses over she will know and she will be glad of the decision that I have made and she will always watch over her. But now thta she is still here, is three any way that I can show her the pictures and tell her?? I don't want to have to hide anything from her. How do I break it to her in a simple uncomplicated way to her that would be easy for her to understand? Now that she is in a home, she has had some mood swings lately. The past couple times I have gone in there, she would look at me for a while and say to me who are you and why are you here? If thjat doesn't hurt more than anything. That just makes me heart bleed. I don't blame her for saying that because i know that it's the disease. There was one time I went in there to see her and all she did was cry. I tried to hold her hand and she pushed me away. It was almost like as if she didn't want us to see her that way. Like it was her fault she doesn't remember us anymore. I do know that she is taking Namenda for the Alzheimers. Is this a good drug and does it result in mood swings? I'm kind of thinking she needs an anti depressant. I feel so lost right now and I feel like I should at least show her some of the pictures. It would at least give me some piece of mind knowing that I showed her the pictures. I really felt like something was missing that entire time I was in the hospital..a lot of my family went in to see me but she didn't. I felt that part of me missing and it hurt. I knew that it would have been hard to get her in there because she would have thought she was going in the hospital and not going there to see someone in the hospital. And I think had she saw me in the hospital with IV's in me and stuff she would have panicked and started to cry and it would have had me crying too. So maybe I should at least be glad she didn't see me in the hospital. I don't know what to think. All that I do think about is what could have been and I think about my daughter a lot these days. I am working now. I am trying to get my life back together. Needless to say, 2006 was not my year. I am only hoping that 2007 is a lot better than this year. But I'm slowly improving. I still have good days and bad days. I go to see my grandma as much as I can. And I am the most happy when I am with her because i can still make her smile and laugh because those are the things that i live for. It does hurt when she doesn't know me or recognize me but it still makes me happy to see her because she is still here and i'm taking advantage of the time that I ahve left with her. But what do I do? How do I explain this to her? Is it possible for me to show her the pictures of my daughter without her getting upset? HELP!!!
quote:Originally posted by ZOEY M:OH MY GOSH.....I have never been blessed with children, but as much as I want to sympathize with you, I cannot understand why someone would give up their beautiful bundle of joy, at least you didn't get an abortion, for that you should be honored.....sorry, thought I could be more help, but never having the blessing of a child......At least now I know why I don't have children, my Mom...is who I devote all my life to, because she gave me life, she instilled in me the sense of compassion, love and belonging..... TIME IS TOO SLOW FOR THOSE WHO WAIT TOO SWIFT FOR THOSE WHO FEAR TOO LONG FOR THOSE WHO GRIEVE TOO SHORT FOR THOSE WHO REJOICE BUT FOR THOSE WHO LOVE - - TIME IS ETRERNITY ZOEY