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sexual/social disinhibition
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:18 AM
Originally posted by: SnowyLynne

Ask his dr about a mediacation that can stop the problem.
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:18 AM
Originally posted by: David P.

You mention several concerns with your father's physical behavior towards women; let me try to address those and then we'll tackle your brother's response to your concerns.

It is not uncommon with various forms of dementia, including Alzheimer's disease, for a person to become more sexually or physically aggressive. Betty is correct that PWD will revisit periods of their life that correspond where their current state of memory is functioning; however, this does not mean we shouldn't take precautions as you and the staff at the care facility have done to prevent others from being hurt or intruded upon. And, yes, you are correct that a "cute" hug can- and often does- lead elsewhere.

We censor ourselves in part with our short-term memory and PWD obviously do not have the access to it as they once did. Other less socially accepted behaviors, in addition to those sexually-related,often surface with persons with dementia (PWD). Many people have found using "Please Be Patient" cards to be helpful. These are small cards that essentially have printed on them: "I'm with someone with memory impairment. Please be patient with what may be inappropriate behavior". These cards can be ordered at Geriatric Resources at 1-800-359-0390 or on-line at: Cards are 25 for $2.95.

As for your brother, without knowing much about your relationship or his feelings towards your father, he is sending a message that he doesn't want to hear about the unpleasant, realities involved in your father's care. Rather than you having to bear the brunt of educating him, feel free to give him the Alzheimer Association's 24/7 helpline: 1-800-272-3900. We will gladly answer any questions he has about the disease and potentially help him better understand what your father is experiencing in part, as well as you as a primary caregiver.

Best wishes,
Internal Administrator
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:18 AM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463

Originally posted by: Van

One element of my Dad's dx was "sexual disinhibition". When cleaning out his house when selling it, I ran into SCADS of letters from women (sexually explicit that cost $$$) and also a 2'X2'X3' stack in his bedroom closet of explicit DVDs, VHS and "amateur" homemade ones he has bought over the past few years.

I THINK he's only been touchy as far as putting his arm around women's waist (like a waitress) or hand on shoulder. He bumps into women on purpose so he can make contact with them. When I would get him away from a situation like that saying "People don't like that", he would be annoyed with me "They were smiling, they didn't mind"...I told him they are smiling because if they clobbered him they would lose their job and their kids need shoes.

Dr said to especially watch him with MINOR GIRLS, asked several times if we had any girls in the house (we don't) and allow NO contact with girls. That is a no brainer. :-) Dr approves of my "keep your hands to yourself" method of being around women. I consider any unasked for contact to be "inappropriate behavior" and a huge potential legal issue.

I'm sure some on here have had this be an issue they've had to deal with. Does it start out mild (like a hug) and get worse from there? Is it possible while giving that "cute" hug, his other hand could pop up and grab a b**b??? (sorry if that was offensive to anyone)

Dad is in a care center for now so they know how to handle it, but I have a brother (from TX who has done nothing but armchair Monday AM quarterback) who emailed me this:
"I would appreciate it if you would refrain from commenting on Dad's 'inappropriate behavior'. You see it as inappropriate, but others see him as being 'cute'. I'd rather not hear any more comments about it, if you don't mind. It comes across as being disparaging towards him, and it's really immaterial."

Am I exaggerating the level of concern I should have? Would any of you want a stranger putting his arm around your waist and hugging? I sure wouldn't!

Thanks in advance for any input on this one!
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:18 AM
Originally posted by: Bettyhere

You give us a little background about your Dad & his interest in sex, but AD is a disease of regression and often a man is stuck in his late teens where such behavior was acceptable, or older women will vamp a younger man. In many facilities there is a lot of sexual hanky-panky going on. The staff knows how to handle it, they've seen it all. Sometimes families take a loved one out of a facility, but it will happen in another one anyway. For a while my husband was stuck at a spot where he was interested in dogs & young children--probably when he was first a dad. I watched him carefully when we were out. He never did anything untoward, but I think some moms would have been concerned when he'd stoop down to talk to a little one, and you never know what dogs might do. The doc seems to know this w/his admonition not to let him be w/minor girls. As for your brother, well evidentally you have to deal w/it, he doesn't, so it's just as well you don't discuss it. He seems to have his own ideas. I'd be watchful but not too harsh with him, he may stop this, but his inhibitions are fading on many levels, not just sex, it's part of the disease.
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:18 AM
Originally posted by: Van

Thanks, Betty! I didn't realize they can get "stuck" in a teen stage. I have the same concern about parents and old guys chatting with young kids. I've been very watchful. Of course, Dad then scolds me because "they were smiling". Part of the disease, I know.

Thanks for the advice/permission to just not discuss this issue w/this brother. I think that's the best thing. I appreciate everything that I've hear on here.
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