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I'm depressed
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: Snorky

I only complain when I come here and don't have any inspiring things to add, but the last couple days have been so depressing for me. DH has done some new things, like doesn't understand about telling time, didn't know what the Kleenex little package was for, was very outspoken to someone at church board meeting(said to him, "I don't like you and shut up", which all understand DH's situation, but it just adds to all the rest. Then at the church picnic last night he patted our lady minister on the butt!! Red Face She loves him and no problem but all these things just take their toll. There's more but I can't remember Big Grin. I wasn't going to let myself get so down but it takes its toll. I am able to get out without him still and did play golf yesterday, which was great but I can't throw this off and I hate it. I know I have to understand it's not his fault and all that but it just has got me really down. He's not mean, in fact had the covers turned down when it was bedtime and he does nice things. It's just depressing and I just needed to write it down.

RKG how are we going to talk personally about meeting in Leadville.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Jim Broede

There is a consolation in all of this, Snorky. Some day you'll laugh at the very things that depress you now. --Jim
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: ssalt6

I feel so so sad for you. Hang in there. It's no fun. I am glad you can get out sometimes. I feel you are doing what you can, so keep up the good work and stay in close touch with this support and it's awesome if you can meet up with Rkg. She sounds like fun.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

It always makes me feel better to read what others say. I agree RKG, it does sound funny and it is, most of the time. Then other times it just hits wrong, like yesterday. Most of the time I can share some of the things he does and make lite of them with friends as they do get funny. I am feeling more back to normal and especially after reading your posts, all of them. Good point of depression only hurting myself. You know when you're feeling "normal" you know these things, then when you have a bad day it's all about "poor me" and the pity party begins!

RKG, I'll watch for you e mail and then we'll talk more about our trip.

It's funny about DH patting our minister on the butt as that is so opposite of his "other" personality. She is just great and he "loves" her which is really special. And yes, the guy he told to shut up is a "baby" and complains a lot about things or how he was treated. So I guess the honesty is coming out of DH.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Awwwww, Snorky I feel so bad for you. My Dh has been slipping like a falling rock so I know how you feel. It's so hard not to get down, but I have to believe that letting it get to us only hurts us......... I guess that the only thing that has saved me from getting depressed is I know it will only hurt me, and I have been hurt enough.


I am sorry to laugh, but him patting your minister on the butt is funny! I am sure you almost died, but it is funny! Of all people to pat....... Eeker

Did your DH at one time like the guy he told to shut up? If not, then maybe the guy needed to be told shut up and no one else had the nerve to do it. Big Grin


I am sorry to make "lite" of the issues, but if we don't laugh we would all break into sob's.
I understand some people can't see it from my point of view (I think you know where I am trying to come from Wink} So I will try and be of service with a suggestion other than looking for the bright side of the issues.

In the past when Dh has done something I feel is inappropriate I have talked to him about it and told him that I didn't think it was cute, funny, cleaver at all and he shouldn't do it again. He hasn't! So if you feel that speaking to him about his behavior would work maybe you should give it a try. I know it's after the fact but if he were to bring it up or do it again, I would certainly take a cue and tell him patting any one on the rear is not exceptable. Ok, now that I have been serious, I will go back to looking for the brite side of this dammmmmmmmmmm disease.



As for getting in touch, let me set up a temp email account then post it here for you to contact me and I will give you my real email and phone number. Watch for it on this post. When are you guys coming?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

quote:
Originally posted by Snorky:
And yes, the guy he told to shut up is a "baby" and complains a lot about things or how he was treated. So I guess the honesty is coming out of DH.



LOL........ I had a feeling! Some other members may be patting your DH on the back for saying it! Big Grin

Snorky are you on facebook?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: D. A.

The forum is a great place to vent. I feel so much better since I've been reading and writing here. I work at not being embarrassed by DH's comments or behaviors. It is difficult. He would be so embarrassed if he were aware. I'm going to take someone's advice and make up cards that say, "My husband has Alzheimer's Disease. Thank you for understanding." I can use them in settings where people don't know him. Good luck to you, Snorky, and keep on writing.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

yes a I am on Facebook under Linda Pennington

You all just say the right things all the time!!! Thanks! Sometimes I feel bad about posting because there are so many other sadder problems than mine, but then they are still real to me and I may be in the same situation down the road.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

I know how you feel Snorky, Honestly Rod is really easy to deal with, but then something comes up and I think Oh I shouldn't complain cause so many have a much harder journey than mine that I will sound like a crazy person for stressing out on such a lil thing. But honestly that is why we are all here to support each other through the good and the bad. Some more good than bad and others, well they have my heartfelt understanding. I am just hoping not to go there as they have had to. Hang in there, a little love, a little support, and a lot of laughs will get us threw it.


I will send you a friend request on fb. With a note explaining who I am............
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Cathy J. M.

I have to admit that I laughed out loud at your DH patting the minister on the butt. I bet the minister laughed about it later too. Let's face it: without a sense of humor we're gonna sink! And being around someone with Alzheimer's is GOOD for everyone because we all need to loosen up a bit.

The blunt "no holds barred" talk that comes out of Alzheimer's patients can be shocking, but -- sometimes it's a good balance for a group of folks that have been holding back.

Hang in there -- remember that all over the planet these same things are happening -- it's like rain or snow, it just happens. No one's fault. I'm sorry it gets embarrassing at times (remembering the phase where my partner kept telling people I beat her up all the time) -- but love conquers all.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Snorky as of yet I haven't gotten a friend request. But it may be slow. Did you go to your account, upper right hand corner, click, scroll down to Edit Friends, click then a whole new page pops up. About half way down there is a box that say's search, type in my Name then click search. Hopefully only a few Robin's come up with my last name. Then just search for the Robin with the (Phillips)........... Hope this works..... If not I will just post my email.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

I tried Facebook but not sure I got the right one. So see if you get a message from me. I've never done that before so I may not have done it right. I don't use it unless someone sends me a message.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Snorky, Oh geezzzzzz, there are 174 of you. LOL......


Do you have your high school info in there or are you on any special group that I might be able to find you through?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: invstr55

This has got to be the #1 pitfall of being a caregiver. We never know what our LO is going to do next, last week my wife was flirting with the doctors assistant. I mentioned to him that although my wife thought he was cute that he was too tall for her, he made a joke about always missing out on the good ones and we all had a great laugh. Smiler
These unexpected events are just part of the day with AZ and if we have accepted that none of it is personal or a true reflection of who our LO was then it is easier to just jump into the insanity of it all and try to make everyone as comfortable as possible.
I do this 24/7 with no help so it is really bad on the days when I allow the depression take over, I try to stay as busy as I can and try to keep her laughing and smiling even if I have to act like a fool sometimes to make that happen.
I wish you the best on your worst days, Knowing that they will come seems to make them better.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Better yet, Search for my Name there is probably fewer of me's........... Big Grin LOL.

Robin K Gochenour (Phillips)Send me a friend request and we can exchange contact info...... Wink
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

I think it has to do with settings. I changed one of them to everyone, try now.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Ok, I will search for a couple and a cake...........
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

No couple with a cake............ LOL.

You didn't find me? When I typed in my name I was the first one to come up, Red head (fake) with a lime green sweater. hmmmmmmmmmmm I will keep searching.


I tried putting in your home town and state but that didn't work either.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: SnowyLynne

There's only 1 facebook that I know of.....
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

I agree it's important to keep busy and most days that works out except for the days of depression, then it's hard to get motivated. He likes to go so that is good.

Ten years ago he would have "died" if he knew what he was doing today Wink.

RKG, I could only find one of you & that is in VA. Try me, we are both pictured holding a cake.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: ipoe

quote:
Originally posted by Snorky:
I only complain when I come here and don't have any inspiring things to add, but the last couple days have been so depressing for me. DH has done some new things, like doesn't understand about telling time, didn't know what the Kleenex little package was for, was very outspoken to someone at church board meeting(said to him, "I don't like you and shut up", which all understand DH's situation, but it just adds to all the rest. Then at the church picnic last night he patted our lady minister on the butt!! Red Face She loves him and no problem but all these things just take their toll. There's more but I can't remember Big Grin. I wasn't going to let myself get so down but it takes its toll. I am able to get out without him still and did play golf yesterday, which was great but I can't throw this off and I hate it. I know I have to understand it's not his fault and all that but it just has got me really down. He's not mean, in fact had the covers turned down when it was bedtime and he does nice things. It's just depressing and I just needed to write it down.

RKG how are we going to talk personally about meeting in Leadville.



Snorky..

This sounds so familiar to me..Dh is having trouble telling time..doesn't know where familiar items are even tho if you ask him what is this and this, he can tell you..
DH whacked my Sister on the butt once, but she stays with us when they visit and so she just laughed it off..that is the only time that i know of..calls me Mam sometimes because he doesnt' know who i am..then in the next instant he calls me by my name..but i know what you mean when you say others have it so much worse..He also does nice things like turning down the bed when he can remember how to do it..somtimes he does and other times he doesn't..
I am glad you are able to still get out once in a while..i never can..he wants to go, go, go..trying to find home..sometimes i can put him off and sometimes he gets real insistent..but he is never mean to me..I am thankful for that..but who knows what is down the road..He has lived in this area all his life and it is a small community so i know where he lived as a young child, but when i take him there, he says that is not it..
I hate this disease..and even now i still am in a sort of denial, i guess. because sometimes he seems lucid..i guess we will make it ...
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Gadd's! No couple with a cake.

What color shirt do you have on in your profile pic, maybe that will help me find you among the 174 Linda P's......... LOL
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

RKG
Geez, I changed my settings to allow friends. We have dark(navy or black with Aspen on my shirt). Must be something else I'm doing wrong. Try again or I may just give you an e mail address.♠
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

It feels good to come here and let loose of feelings some days. I get to feeling like I'm griping too but each time I come here I end up feeling much better after reading what people who understand write. Our children have been very good in giving advise but not too much. They don't have to live with it day in and out like we do but I think they have insight too. I usually try to listen to what they say and take suggestions but then they live 3 hours away. Keep saying what you feel as it does help and it's nice here to talk with people who understand.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: JEMM

Snorky,
Even though my AH isn't as progressed as your's, I know what the depression is like. My AH started, I think, with the sundowning last night. Today, he has been ok. I don't know what he will do tonight. Sometimes I think he is worse than I think and is disguising it somehow. I just got off the phone with our daughter who keeps trying to tell me how to deal with him. What does she know. She isn't helping me. She is just adding to my stress with wanting me to watch her kids every day. I just wish she would just leave me alone and let me deal with this disease the best I can. Yes, I know I am griping too much, but boy did that feel good. I haven't been able to share that with anyone. That is what makes this forum so unique
Thanks, I needed that.
JEMM
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Whoooooooo Hooooooooooo I found you Snorky! LOL I sent you a friend request. Whew, clicking open every couple finally paid off. I sweet yellow cake finally.......... (Happy Dance)
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Iris L.

I was going to suggest that you go to the spouse chat room at the same time and transfer emails that way. But FB came through.

Iris L.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: A.ALLEN

JEMM,as the caregiver 24/7-you need to express how you are feeling with your daughter! Unfortunatley,it is the caregiver's who decline quicker mentally and physically taking care of our loved ones and trying to DO IT ALL!!!! LET her know watching your grandbabies is a JOY-but more than you can handle with her father and on a regular basis! SPEAK UP NOW_or regret it when you have gotton ill or too exhausted to continue with your husband's care! The "MOM CAN HANDLE ANYTHING"attitude needs to be "WHAT CAN WE DO"/(or she do, depending on how many children you two have) TO HELP MOM NOW!" Blessings-and keep coming here to get support!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: JEMM

A.Allen
Thanks for your support. The strange thing about my daughter is she is a Mental Health Therapist with a degree in Social Work. You would think she would know how not to aggitate people. As far as my health, this whole thing is effecting me. My BP is up and I wake up feeling like my throat is closing up. I know this is panic. My Dr. has me on Clonidine, but it just makes me drowsy. I hate the way it makes me feel. I probably need a good anti-depressant. With watching the kids, I can't even find the opportunity to go to the Dr. I am going to talk to her today and, since she is planning how my summer should go, ask her when she has my Dr. visits scheduled. I am also going to suggest finding a summer program I can take the kids to. Thanks again for listening.
JEMM
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

quote:
Originally posted by Rkg:
Whoooooooo Hooooooooooo I found you Snorky! LOL I sent you a friend request. Whew, clicking open every couple finally paid off. I sweet yellow cake finally.......... (Happy Dance)


Did you get my e mail?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

No, No email. I did get your FB friend accept and sent you a private message which I am sure you got if you have my email. But no email from you. I did check my spam in-case it went in there, but didn't find anything there. You can just use the private FB message. Only you and I can see it as long as it's a private one. I will keep checking.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: arteche

Jimm....I have his daughters to put up with...they live accross the country come here for a week and they tell me he isn't so bad and do this and this and its all stuff I do. They don't beleive what I tell them is going on but when they come he seems to be on his best behaveiour(oops not sure about that),I try to tell them this can happen but they think all of a sudden they know all about alz. They probably starting reading when thier father was beating me with my bag,which is a weapon LOL, which is a long story and not sure if the rest is needed. They came here to be with him because I left my house, (too much of a long story)and this is when they in 1 or 2 days started reading up an the alz which I've been reading for years. I HATE THIS DECEASE !!!!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Oh great idea Iris! Geeeeez I didn't think of that. Next time.............
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

Yes, my is the same way and most people understand, those who know us, especially. I keep thinking I need to make up some cards to hand out, right now I have pointed to the head when he's not looking. I do get depressed just by every day comments that he makes about not being able to drive(my fault)and I know more than he does(digs)so I should do it(whatever that might be). Most of the time I just ignore the remarks but there are days when it gets to me like two days this week.
I certainly do know about never going anywhere alone. He loves to go!! It's hard for me, except he knows Tues. & Thurs is my golf day, to leave him out when I go but he doesn't. So be it, as you said it could be worse.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:12 PM
Originally posted by: ipoe

Isn't it funny when your DH says something that makes complete sense or he "catches" a joke or even makes a joke that you wouldn't have dreamed he would have thought of saying? those are the times that i think, oh, well that was a smart, or funny, thing to say! maybe he is getting better..that is my denial, i guess. I am just tickled to death, when he remembers something, no matter how small it is..I really don't feel depressed a lot, or if i do, it passes away, so i don't think i really need any "help" even tho the Dr has offered to give me a prescription..It seems like i can pull out of it by myself..I read all these posts and i know that i could have it so much worse..maybe that will come later and maybe it won't..however, i know that i need to get away from time to time, but he wants to go with me everywhere and feels left out if i leave him behind, which is SELDOM..
 
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