Home Safety Checklist
RSS Feed Print
Can anyone explain to me way??
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: Dorinne

Can anyone explain to me why my husbad seems like he can't do anything 24/7 at home with me, I do everyhing:
car,house,lawn,decisions,medical,presc,etc. Than when he is on the phone with his friend of 60 yrs he acts as though he is fine. At home he has all the symptons of stage 5. Other day milk in where glasses go, yesterday he said my son could be a lifeguard at our rental home 2/1/2 hours away with renters in it. How can this be?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

Their reasoning button is broken. And because we are around them 24/7 we see the decline. Just as they have good day's and bad day's, they have good moments and bad moments so they can pull off that phone call...... I called them moments of glory! His, cause the people who were the witnesses of those moments, thought I had AD because he was fine! Wink

I know it's yet another hard part of this disease. Hang in there, I guess the only thing I can say, be Thankful he can still have moments of glory! Cause at some point those get fewer and farther apart.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: arm

Dorinne

I also find this confusing. My DH will be all over the place with things at home and then we will go to a friends house, and they are like "you would never know". The only thing I have noticed is that after he is "fine" around other people, when we get home he is tired. I think that he tries so hard around them it wears his brain out. They know that we are there for them. They don't have to think about things when we are taking care of them.

I guess that is why I get so angry. But if I think about it no matter what mean things he says to me, he has faith and trust that I am not going to leave and will always be there. That is why he tries less at home.

We had clothes in the refrigerator. Right now we are look for a cross that has turned up missing on his chain. Always a scavenger hunt.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

We play scavenger hunt also.
This disease is so very confusing.
I'm about to lose my mind some days. I lose my patience at times and I feel so bad that I did because I know he can't help it. He can change from hour to hour. His scooter is always broke he says, I go look at it and it is working, their is always something that does not work and in fact it is working fine. OH MY! It was a big deal to take one pill yesterday so I got it for him. I do give him his meds daily but I just sat down and thought he could do it with me watching. poor baby, but I will take care of him forever. Patience, Patience, (Laptop keeps messing up) guess it's time for a new one, darn. Thank you for your help and letting me vent.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: sveti

dear Dorinne,
WE are all in the same boat. My DH tells everyone that he is tired cause he worked around the house all day. All he does is watch television or water the trees in our yard even though they don't need it. When I ask why he is so tired he tells me that he has been on his feet all day. I just look at him and say yes you have haven't you.
I have been everything for a long time, he doesn't know how to start the lawn mower. If I tell him to take his clothes to the laundry room he puts them in the storage room. If I tell him to take the garbage out, he wants to know where to put it. Ah well this is life and we have to deal with it.
quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
Can anyone explain to me why my husbad seems like he can't do anything 24/7 at home with me, I do everyhing:
car,house,lawn,decisions,medical,presc,etc. Than when he is on the phone with his friend of 60 yrs he acts as though he is fine. At home he has all the symptons of stage 5. Other day milk in where glasses go, yesterday he said my son could be a lifeguard at our rental home 2/1/2 hours away with renters in it. How can this be?

Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: arteche

Oh Smileryes there are moments of joy, no truer words have been said but those other moments Confused Confused can be really tough. I sure know how things are becoming all MY job, it's getting very tiring. The best of this how they pull it off the way they do, the worse is how he can sound almost normal when his kids call. Then I have to hear how he's not so bad he just forgets. Karen (SD) stays here for 5 days ands says he's fine. she came so I could go to N.Y.but my neighbor tells me she's at the pool most of the day and then comes back and makes his dinner, she says hes the same as he was when she came in Jan. She tells my friend she doesn't see any change, my F tells her she closing her to it. His kids are annoying the H---l out of me, I'm married 25 yrs and grown to love them SDK was the hardest but we got through it. I don't know whats going to happen when it's time to place my DH in a NH. Don't know how I'm going to handle it...... Roll Eyes Mad So now I vented again!!!!!!!!Deanna...It's such a tough life we're all going through but so much worse for our LO I'm sure we will get through it all!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Cathy J. M.

Just try to enjoy the way they can be with friends and other visitors. Be proud of them.

We all have a natural tendency to rise to an occasion and act better in social situations. Smiler

Once I accepted that all the responsibility for the household stuff and finances is mine, it was easier. I'm still way behind in getting things done, but not so overwhelmed as I was a couple of months ago.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: cloudvacation

Thank you for the thought of these being hubby's moments of glory, and to appreciate them as being accomplishments. Positive interpretations help me, not to be a pollyanna, but to remind me to celebrate the good moments.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: arteche

my friend says she's closing her eyes to the 3 of them are in denial......this clears that sentence
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
quote:
Originally posted by Neoh:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by arm:
We had clothes in the refrigerator. Right now we are look for a cross that has turned up missing on his chain. Always a scavenger hunt.


quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
We play scavenger hunt also. . . The only thing I have noticed is that after he is "fine" around other people, when we get home he is tired. . . Patience, Patience, (Laptop keeps messing up) guess it's time for a new one, darn.


Gremlins live at our house, and are always swiping things. Maybe they transported our missing laptop, Palm PDA, and yoga mat to your house? That might explain why your laptop keeps messing up - it's really our laptop!

(I'm just glad there was only one chunk of data that was not backed up on the laptop before the gremlins carted it off to your house Razzer ).

As for sleeping all the time - today is our 29th anniversary. After begin "on stage" all day, my spouse came home and crashed and has been sleeping since around 6 pm. I guess we'll celebrate another day...


Neoh: You got me laughing out loud about the laptop, thanks Roll Eyes we start up stairs than down to the garage looking for things.
"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY"
Dorinne (I only said part of the above quote)
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

Somethings going crazy with these posts. I must be doing something wrong or it's this laptop?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

quote:
Originally posted by Neoh:
quote:
Originally posted by arm:
We had clothes in the refrigerator. Right now we are look for a cross that has turned up missing on his chain. Always a scavenger hunt.


quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
We play scavenger hunt also. . . The only thing I have noticed is that after he is "fine" around other people, when we get home he is tired. . . Patience, Patience, (Laptop keeps messing up) guess it's time for a new one, darn.


Gremlins live at our house, and are always swiping things. Maybe they transported our missing laptop, Palm PDA, and yoga mat to your house? That might explain why your laptop keeps messing up - it's really our laptop!

(I'm just glad there was only one chunk of data that was not backed up on the laptop before the gremlins carted it off to your house Razzer ).

As for sleeping all the time - today is our 29th anniversary. After begin "on stage" all day, my spouse came home and crashed and has been sleeping since around 6 pm. I guess we'll celebrate another day...


Neoh: You got me laughing out loud about the laptop, thanks Roll Eyes we start up stairs than down to the garage looking for things.
"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY"
Dorinne
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Starling

At stage 5 they can still hide what is going on, especially on the phone. Even at late stage 5 which is where he sounds like he is. At some point in stage 6 they no longer can do that.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Neoh

quote:
Originally posted by arm:
We had clothes in the refrigerator. Right now we are look for a cross that has turned up missing on his chain. Always a scavenger hunt.


quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
We play scavenger hunt also. . . The only thing I have noticed is that after he is "fine" around other people, when we get home he is tired. . . Patience, Patience, (Laptop keeps messing up) guess it's time for a new one, darn.


Gremlins live at our house, and are always swiping things. Maybe they transported our missing laptop, Palm PDA, and yoga mat to your house? That might explain why your laptop keeps messing up - it's really our laptop!

(I'm just glad there was only one chunk of data that was not backed up on the laptop before the gremlins carted it off to your house Razzer ).

As for sleeping all the time - today is our 29th anniversary. After begin "on stage" all day, my spouse came home and crashed and has been sleeping since around 6 pm. I guess we'll celebrate another day...
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

I did notice that he seems he follow my lead, I wondered why he was copying me, than I figured that he probably thinks that he will NOT make a mistake if he does what I do. (I make enough of my own Red Face) He is embarrased when he makes a mistake and tells me so. He had a very high IQ years ago (not me) and he is still pretty good at game shows. They do remember a lot of the earlier years don't they? poor baby Smiler
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

quote:
Originally posted by arteche:
Red Face Mad I wish I could send some of these postings to my DH children, they think they know all about it probably only read an article when I had a problem in Jan. Deanna



Deanna, just copy and paste them to emails you send them.

Denial (theirs) is a hot button for me. Unfortunately due to the commercial representation or should I say mis-representation of this disease? (Pharmaceutical Company's Tv commercials of grandma being so happy to walk down the beach or prepare a family dinner, after she took their lil pill) This mis-representation is what leaves the everyday person to believe that this disease is a walk in the park to care for! Roll Eyes


As I said before, unfortunately there comes a time that your LO won't be able to hold his own for even a very short time.



I think for me the ones who make me just as crazy as the pharmaceutical company's tv commercials is the Medical professionals (not Nero's, not involved in the dementia areas of medicine) that knowing Dh is in stage 6 will say, Oh he's fine! Then proceed to tell Dh, sure we can do a double shoulder replacement Red Face ! Dh just wants relieve from the pain, so his AD thought is, fix it! So they leave me, yet again to try and explain that no you can't have surgery! I just wish the medical community would slow down and re-think how they approach someone with any type of dementia's other medical issues..... I don't expect them to understand Dh's AD, but I do expect them to at least understand a bit about AD and how their area of expertise is affects them.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: D. A.

Ah, yes the scavenger hunts: lost wallet, lost keys, lost credit card, lost address book, lost, lost, lost! He always, "I left it right here". I keep calm but it's not easy. I say, "Don't worry. It will turn up", and it usually does. Recently, he had a phone conversation where he couldn't recall words or even his birthday, which was only a week past. He recalled that we had a party but when? That is a first as he usually at stage 5 can carry on a phone conversation. Many of his facts, times, dates, etc. are wrong and he states them so surely, people will say to me later, "He said..." I do tell them that his often confuses facts but since he seems okay and and tells his stories with such conviction, they believe. I don't bother correcting him as it just makes him defensive...that is the way he remembers it so to him it is real. I don't think most of his five kids think he is at the point he is...when they visit he can converse very well with them. I send weekly updates and other info about the disease to them...my efforts at educating them. Can you tell I used to be a teacher? Isn't life interesting? We really have so little control.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: arteche

Red Face Mad I wish I could send some of these postings to my DH children, they think they know all about it probably only read an article when I had a problem in Jan. They're telling me that they can't change personality with different people and sound fine on the phone,except that if forgets things Mad Mad. There was inicident in Jan. about paying the bills,my SC said I provoked him, which wasn't true. They live in N.Y., so when anyone visits for 5 days and spend hours at the pool and say to me he's not that bad, I want to scream !!!!!! Mad Mad Deanna
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

Arteche, Yes, it is so hard when family does not see what we see. I guess the best thing to do is not worry what others think, we who live with them know and we can't change what they think. (even if they are family.) My daughter does not understand so I stand alone most of the time. I am glad all of us are here for each other. My sister and her husband try to help, we moved back here last year to be closer to them when I could see I needed help, she has been a blessing.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
Somethings going crazy with these posts. I must be doing something wrong or it's this laptop?


It's just that we are making the gremlins angry!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Neoh

quote:
Originally posted by Snorky:
We also have Norwegian trolls at our house and they smile all the time about stuff they have gotten away with. But you have to be nice to them or else!!!!


We literally have one of those at our house - cute little thing about 8" high with very soft grey hair, a triple chin, and a walking stick (from our trip to Norway years ago). Maybe we shouldn't have brought her home with us...
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

quote:
Originally posted by Neoh:
quote:
Originally posted by arm:
We had clothes in the refrigerator. Right now we are look for a cross that has turned up missing on his chain. Always a scavenger hunt.


quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
We play scavenger hunt also. . . The only thing I have noticed is that after he is "fine" around other people, when we get home he is tired. . . Patience, Patience, (Laptop keeps messing up) guess it's time for a new one, darn.


Gremlins live at our house, and are always swiping things. Maybe they transported our missing laptop, Palm PDA, and yoga mat to your house? That might explain why your laptop keeps messing up - it's really our laptop!


(I'm just glad there was only one chunk of data that was not backed up on the laptop before the gremlins carted it off to your house Razzer ).

As for sleeping all the time - today is our 29th anniversary. After begin "on stage" all day, my spouse came home and crashed and has been sleeping since around 6 pm. I guess we'll celebrate another day...


Oh Neoh, I'm so glad to hear you talk of the gremlins because DH"s mom used to talk about them how bad and sneaky they were and now they have moved to our house!! I figured they stuck with relatives!! We also have Norwegian trolls at our house and they smile all the time about stuff they have gotten away with. But you have to be nice to them or else!!!!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: arteche

Rkg.....I've never done that cut and paste,is that what you do when you bring forward a post ? I'll have to ask my GD when she comes next week or is it something you can explain in a post ? Don't know where I would be without this forum, we have so many caring friends !!! DA
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

quote:
Originally posted by arteche:
Rkg.....I've never done that cut and paste,is that what you do when you bring forward a post ? I'll have to ask my GD when she comes next week or is it something you can explain in a post ? Don't know where I would be without this forum, we have so many caring friends !!! DA


You just highlight what you want and right click, then hit copy. Bring up where you want to paste it, i.e. e mail and activate your cursor, right click and hit paste. Wallaaaa, it should be there.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

Snorky, You make me chuckle "de gremlins are coming", look out!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: SherylS

quote:
Originally posted by arm:
Dorinne

I also find this confusing. My DH will be all over the place with things at home and then we will go to a friends house, and they are like "you would never know". The only thing I have noticed is that after he is "fine" around other people, when we get home he is tired. I think that he tries so hard around them it wears his brain out. They know that we are there for them. They don't have to think about things when we are taking care of them.

I guess that is why I get so angry. But if I think about it no matter what mean things he says to me, he has faith and trust that I am not going to leave and will always be there. That is why he tries less at home.

We had clothes in the refrigerator. Right now we are look for a cross that has turned up missing on his chain. Always a scavenger hunt.


I understand your anger. I feel it too. For the first 26 yr of our married lives my DH was an undiagnosed bipolar. I always told the kids that 'Dad's having a bad day". That's what we thought then. We didn't know. To everyone else, however, he was Mr. Charisma. (He'd blowup about every 6 weeks, often about something very trivial). People would say to me "you are so lucky to be married to him". The kids would just look at me and roll their eyes. On the occasions that I tried to explain to close friends about his verbally abusive outbursts, their response were universally "but he's always so nice to meeee". Yep.

He once told me that I always knew he was sorry because he was so nice to me afterward. Nope. I wasn't a mind reader. But it hardened my heart. It was a form of self-preservation.

They seem to think they can let their guard down with us, the spouse. Yes, they try harder with others. Human nature. But it still makes us angry.

We've had the bipolar under control for the past 16 years. The kids are grown and married. It's just the 2 of us alone now....and here comes Mr. Alzheimer.....it's going to be just like the beginning of our marriage, except with DEPENDS. Yes, I'm angry too!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

quote:
Originally posted by Neoh:
quote:
Originally posted by Snorky:
We also have Norwegian trolls at our house and they smile all the time about stuff they have gotten away with. But you have to be nice to them or else!!!!


We literally have one of those at our house - cute little thing about 8" high with very soft grey hair, a triple chin, and a walking stick (from our trip to Norway years ago). Maybe we shouldn't have brought her home with us...


Being Norwegian, the trolls are usually very good if you're nice to them. I have 4, one with a lady bug on his nose that I bought in Norway, the others bought in Duluth, MN. where I'm from. I do love them, but remember to be nice as they can be very cunning and sneaky!!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

quote:
We have to remember to laugh...otherwise, we cry.

Oh! how true.
Dorinne
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: jfkoc

Wish I were like the others who are grateful to give back all the care they received. It's been one way around here for a looooooong time.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
Snorky, You make me chuckle "de gremlins are coming", look out!


I forgot to say that gremlins are bad but trolls are good, if you're nice to them. I have more gremlins than trolls at this point.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

Maybe someone can help me.
My husband stage 5 I think, used to get the mail,newspaper,make coffee,empty kitchen garbage, easy things, but he does not think of them now. My question is should I remind him?than he would do it, OR should I just keep doing it as I have started,(sometimes it's easier to just do them yourself as you all know) I don't mind I just don't know what's best for him. He is able to, I think he sets in front of the TV way to much and needs some excercise/movement he has other limitations but he can do these (slowly).
Dorinne
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: SherylS

quote:
Originally posted by jfkoc:
Wish I were like the others who are grateful to give back all the care they received. It's been one way around here for a looooooong time.


I feel your pain.

A well-intentioned cousin of my husbands sent me condolences and a link to a site that talked about being all warm and cuddly and answering to their every need and loving up on him to make him feel special. Then she asked me what I thought of it. I told her it sounded like a Fairy Tale.

A marriage that's been one sided way too long, doesn't suddenly turn around in the end. They reap what they sow. Yes, I'll do my best but when he starts swearing and hitting and biting....I'm going to start looking for a care facility. I have to save myself. It's not always all about them.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

Oh Sheryl,(about the biting & hitting)
I hope that never happens, think positive, if it ever got anywear near that he should be on the proper meds and in a NH . I'm no professional but take the night or day off, go have some fun. My sister and I go out shopping, dinner, etc. occasionaly gives me a chance to laugh, girl talk & a break.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: Rkg

quote:
Originally posted by arteche:
Rkg.....I've never done that cut and paste,is that what you do when you bring forward a post ? I'll have to ask my GD when she comes next week or is it something you can explain in a post ? Don't know where I would be without this forum, we have so many caring friends !!! DA


It's easy, as Snorky said, highlite what you want to copy and paste. (you high lite by clicking the left side of your mouse, drag your mouse over everything you want to copy, you will see that it all highlites blue. Right click, scroll down to copy, click on copy and then go to your email and compose a new email to whomever you want to send the info. Click the area where you would write your text a box will come up and scroll down to paste, click on paste and you just copied and pasted. Good Luck!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:23 PM
Originally posted by: SherylS

quote:
Originally posted by Dorinne:
I did notice that he seems he follow my lead, I wondered why he was copying me, than I figured that he probably thinks that he will NOT make a mistake if he does what I do. (I make enough of my own Red Face) He is embarrased when he makes a mistake and tells me so. He had a very high IQ years ago (not me) and he is still pretty good at game shows. They do remember a lot of the earlier years don't they? poor baby Smiler


I believe I've read that it's in stage 4 that they start saying "I'll have what she's having" at a restaurant as it's too difficult for them to verbalize easily without feeling embarrassed.
Finally, my chance to make him try some things I like! Smiler
 
× Close Menu