|
|
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463
|
Originally posted by: Fluffy
Don't know if I'm in the right place, first time here.
I'm tired of taking care of husband. Diagnosed in 2002 but know he had it before then. Stubborn and wouldn't go to doctor. He is 93 and I'm 63, been married 38 yrs. But I have reached the end of my rope. He had procedure for enlarged prostate in Dec. and is mostly incontinent. I'm tired of changing sheets, stepping in puddles in the bathroom and othert things. Seems I'm always cleaning up spills, sometime having to pull refrigerator out because he spilled the juice and it went between fridge and cabinets. He will not cooperate in anyway. Actually he never has in our marriage. This morning was it. Woke me up yelling help. Thought he fell again(broke hip in Mar. doing fine) but come to find out he wanted his shoes and socks put on. He dresses himself but can't manage those. Bed was soaked. Water proof pad was soaked and thrown on floor so carpet is wet. Told him he had to change his undies(use overnight briefs all the time). He insisted they were fine and no matter what I said he wouldn't change them. I said fine stay wet all day.
I started caregiving in 1981. Mother had cancer and had complications. Was in hospital 44 days but pulled through. Aunt next door fell broke hip, Mom taking care of her untilk one day didn't feel good. Had to have pacemaker Then Aunt was my job. She fell three more times breaking her pelvis, another hip, and her thigh.
Guess who job it was to take care of her? This was in her late 80's and 90's. They passed away 5 wks. apart in 2001 at ages 94 & 96. Then I start with husband. I'm tired.
When I was 19 had a ratheer bad horseback riding accident, injuring my back. I now have arthritis in my back and spinal stenosis. Shoulders not that good now. Someone hit the back of my car so hard 15 yrs. ago it tore both rotator cuffs and hurt my neck. One knee is bad and my feet are bad. Plantar fascitis and achilles tendon problems. I have gotten to the point I don't want to do anything anymore.
I havw done my good deeds but am running on empty. Get help? Forget it. Did have it awhile back but ended up with broken shower, broken shower door and puddles in the cellar from overflow. No respect for others property. This is my house not my husbands. It was my parents and I have lived in it all my life. So excuse me if I'm particular about it.
Husband keeps asking what he can do. He never could find things on his own. I would always have to come up with things. Well I can't anymore. He is moderate stage qccording to doctor. Up until 2002 I couldn't do anything right. Now I'm the best wife in the world.
Sometimes I wonder if all of it is the Alzheimer's or if he's putting on some so I have to do everything. I get that feeling once in awhile by things he does. Oh, what a terrible wife I am.
Sorry for the long entry. I just had it today.
Think I's starting to loose it. Feel like crying all thr time but manage not to. Where has my life gone?
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
Fluffy, we're so glad you found us and we found you. Your long, descriptive post was very helpful. We see what you have been through and are going through. I tend to agree with you--you have done your good deeds, many, many of them. It's no wonder you are worn out and running on empty.
Please do as Mimi suggests!!! That is the first step to a better life for you. You don't have to continue as you are. And READ, starting with this forum. I think any help anyone would ever need has been covered here, but then, new things spring up all the time.
We welcome you wholeheartedly and look forward to getting to know you. Keep posting.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: jfkoc
Warm welcome. You are in the right place. As of this moment you are not alone, we are walking with you on a really difficult path.
You will get support, advice, technical assistance, legal assistance, medical info. etc.
We encourage you to read..read...read and do not forget to breathe. You are warm out!!! We understand that.
How about telling us a little bit more about your husband...meds, activities, what you need help with today (besides disappearing).
By all means go ahead and cry as long as you want to. It will probably do you good. I would suggest doing it privately. No need to escalate your situation.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Dorinne
I am so sorry for what you have gone through. You have paid you dues.
I would have broke down before now. Bless your heart.
We all vent here on the board at times, it is so hard of a journey.
The help here by the more experienced board members will guide you and give you help and support.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Mimi S.
Hi Fluffy, Please, as soon as you read this, all the 24/7 hot line: 1-800-272-3900.
Has your husband been diagnosed with dementia? What type of dementia and what was the process?
Will he warm warm slip on slippers until you get up?
And yes, you do need help. So please call the hot line to discuss solutions.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Cathy J. M.
fluffy, you're at the end of your rope....so do call for help as well as letting us know more. Call your state's agency for aging to find out what's available. You should be able to stay in your home, but get a placement for your husband so others take over the day to day care. When all you need to do is visit him and discuss his needs with the staff, I think your life will look a lot better to you.
Just my take on the situation as you've described it. We all have a point where we have to say "enough!"
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: HESpeakes
I am the care giver for my wife, who has AD, and have significant responsibility for taking care of my disabled MIL. I hope I can stand to the task at hand. I know what you are talking about.
For you, dear, if it is time to throw in the towel, DO IT. I have not had half the problems you have had, I don't know how you stand it or put up with it. I have decided I will be here for her, but she is very compliant and was always an excellent mate.
In your shoes, I would start calling lawyers to find an experienced, reasonable price lawyer, to help you protect your assets. Be very sure what he recommends, is something you understand and works in your situation. Then start looking for permanent placement for your aged husband. Forget those who think you are doing something wrong, ask them if they would like a house guest for a month.
Can care giving be hard on your body? Yeah, there is scientific proof.
http://www.jimmunol.org/cgi/content/full/179/6/4249
The scientific research shows it is a trade off, of about 1yr for 1yr.
I feel you, you have to get a handle on this. This is no way to live, and in the long run, placement may be best for him also.
Wish you good luck.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
Fluffy, you've got soooo many things to think about. It sounds as though you are doing a wonderful job of most things.
I am concerned about your financial situation. You need advice from an elder care attorney--not from someone who benefits from the advice you receive, such as your banker. He may be totally honest, and your investment may be just fine--just not accessible. But someone else needs to look into it.
Also, I think you may be heading in the wrong direction to try to spend down to be eligible for Medicaid. Others know more than I do, but I concluded for us that it wasn't necessarily a good thing to do. If you can pay your own way, and it sounds as though you can, then why be subject to government control. It's such a hassle!
Do you have any type of long term care insurance? Ours pays for someone to come in and help as well as care center placement. I figure if I take care of my husband as long as possible, we can probably make it with our retirement, although our policy is only for $50,000.
Your husband is 93 years old! It really sounds as though you can make it also without resorting to drastic measures--I consider Medicaid a drastic measure. Just my opinion, but if you didn't have to think about all of that hassle, you could free your mind for the immediate concerns of caregiving.
Do you have children? What other support do you have? Keep us posted. I guarantee you will get unbelievable information in answer to every question you have from the members of this board. They come from every perspective.
BTW, everyone who reads this: Make sure your children/grandchildren/everyone you know knows everything about the finances in their relationships! Don't get caught like Fluffy. 
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Fluffy
Thank youall for your messages. I'm a little embaressed having read my entry again. I have calmed down. Sorry I wrote so much about myself.
Should have been more about husband.
My husbands health is basically good except for Alzheimer's. Neurologist says he is in moderate stage now. He is on Aricept and Namenda. Also mild strength thyroid med, and Detrol to try to helpo with urinary problems.
Most of last year he had a catheter because prostate enlarged and he couldn't urinate. But he had so many urinary tract infections becausde of it. He got a teriffic one Aug. of last year, was in hospital few days then sent to re-hab to get his strength back. He was there for 2 months. Every time they stopped antibiotics infection came back. They even had to send him back to hospital for IV antibiotics.
It was so hard visiting him. I would have supper with hium but time to go he kept calling me as I walked down the hall asking me to take him with me. Sometimes I'd get in car and cry.
I asked his urologist about surgery and he said no way am I'm operating on a 92 yr. old man. I'm perturbed now saying so you kill him with infections? I can't even remember the number of times he pulled the cath out. The first time I heard him banging around in his bedroom, went in
and there was blood all over.
I knew there was a laser treatment for enlarged prostates,but calling few local doctors was of no help At the time my one cat was having a medicaal problem and I wanted to get more info on that also. So I got my first computer. It's been a klittle over a year and I still don't know a lot about them. Well I Googled prostate laser surgery and where we live and came up with doctor who's office was right next to re-hab hubby was in. I wheeled him out the one driveway and up the other to see doctor. He said he would do procedure and it was scheduled for Dec. I then went back to re-hab and said I'll give you 2 days and I'm taking husband home. He,s been here 2 mos. and enough is enough. He had procedure and is now 93 will be 94 in Jan. So what do some doctors know. But then maybe I wouldn't have so many problems if he still had the cath. I was looking out for him.
He doesn't have any hobbies, never did except work. Always had 2 jobs. He couldn't sit still. And he saved, saved, saved. Didn't go out to eat,only on our Anniversary, no going to the movies or any entertainment as such.
As for money, maybe that is what is bothering me a lot. Husband took care of all the finances.It was none of my business. He earned it so it was his. I couldn't even open the mail if it was addressed to both of us. Well about 5 yrs. ago he dumped all these folders of investments in my lap and said you take care of it. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm like duh. I knew C.D.'s, Sav. acct., Money Market but not all this other stuff. Well I went to my bank's financial advidsor and he was doing a good job. He eventually left the bank and there was my mistake. I let him take our account where he went. He would come to our house and trouble. I always told anyone my main objective is preservation of principal. I'm not that interested in making big money. I can comfortably live the rest of my life on what we have. I also told him I need access to funds because of husband. He knew my husbands condition. Even said his grandmother had Alzheimer's. Well talks cheap. Somehow he got over 1/2 our money into this investment. He said once a year we couldn get our money out. It pays good but I called in Sept. to get some money out and was told it is a long term investment and can't get out money until at least 2015, without taking a 40 where's percent key,loss. I don't feel like loosing that. Almost all of the rest he put into an Annuity. I feel so stupid now. We had a lot of faith in him but he apparently changed.
We do not quaalify for anything becsause of our assets. We're not millionaires but do have a nice little nest egg, at least we did. There is only one way out of this invesment. If the owner or the spouse needs to spend down to qualify for Medicaid you can get 95 0/0 of your money. It may be somwhat devious but I'm going to try. But they request statement from Medicaid saying this investment is keeping you from qualifying and Medicare says don't even bother. Be rejected without even looking at it.
If I could get this money I could get the help
for my husband at home. He still knows where he is, once ina great while forgets. I have thought about if I could affoprd it at thistime putting him in a facility but he isn't all that bad. The incontinence gets me. He never thinks he has to change his briefs. He didn't get the bed wet. It was someone else. Of course he never was one to accept resposiblity.
I have called the hotline several times but I really need hands on help. I did send in for their assistance. $1,000 that maybe I can get him to Adult Day Care. Think he needs stimulation and I can't do nit all the time.
He almost always beats me at 500 rummy.
I would be somewhat afraid of slippers. He has dropped feet and is supposed to wear braces. But put them on get busy doing omething and he takes them off. That's why he fell and broke hip. Didn't pick feet up. If I could find a type of slipper that's mmore like a shoe he could slip on. Not a floppy type. I just have
to get out and look.
As far as antidepressants go I kind of wary about them. I'm on medication for seizures. I started having them in 1977. Adjustments in meds and I havn't had any since 1979 knock on wood. Phenobarbital is one med and I believe it considered a sedative. I just don't want to upset what has been working for me.
This is one of the rare nights hubby doesn't want to go to bed. Watching tv. I just go to bed and eventually he goes. I'm getting sleepy.
I do appreciate all your messages. Made me feel better.
I shall sign off for now and let my head hit the pillow.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: SherylS
It's OK to ask your doctor for some anti-depressants for you too!! Take care of yourself too!!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: TonyNZ
Fluffy I hear you and dread the day when my wife gets to the same stage. It is difficult enough when you can't ask a question, or discuss current events with your LO any more without being frustrated by the totally irrelevant answer. To be in a situation like yours is a living hell. Be assured you're not in this alone and hopefully you will be rewarded with a better life when you are free to experience it. I am just thankful I'm not the one suffering this dreadful disease, and hopefully will survive it.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Jim Broede
You have far more than you can handle. He needs to be placed. No ifs, ands or buts about it. --Jim
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: jfkoc
I think placement is based on a situation. In other words your husband not being that bad is not the only reason for him to live elsewhere. You matter too.
By all means you should consult with an elder care attorney. Be careful...some are better than others. Advice from a financial planner with a brokerage house could be another thing to consider. I have found that advisors connected with a bank only suggest investments that the bank benefits from.
It might be helpful for you to make an inventory of the "stuff" on your plate and then do some prioritizing. Having things on paper makes me feel much more in control of my life and therefore much better. Not being alone, thanks to everyone, has saved my sanity.
So keep reading, posting and breathing. A brisk walk is good too.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: SherylS
My hubby never had hobbies either. However, he is responsive to doing a puzzle that I set up on a card table for him. I chose one that had only 300 pcs so they weren't too small. Also, it had cowboy graphics that were fairly easy to see, not something convoluted like a bouquet of flowers.
I also suggested he might like to play Solitaire. I see that he's already dug out a deck and can set that up on the card table since he's already finished the puzzle.
I was able to put the card table in front of where he sits to watch TV so if he wants a rest he doesn't have to even change places.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Starling
fluffy, WHY should it have been more about your husband?
Sure there are a lot of questions you could ask about your husband, but it sounds to me like you need to ask more questions about yourself right now.
Keep reading here, but call the hot line right now. I've had to do that several times and not only do they give great advice, they also start out by letting you talk yourself out if that is the only thing you really need.
And right now, you probably don't need any of us to FIX YOU. What you need is to be told it is OK to vent and to take care of yourself for a change.
You sound burnt out. If you need to place your husband that can be done pretty easily and pretty quickly. If you can't do this anymore and survive you need to place him so you can survive. You count too.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
You have so many issues. My husband had surgery for his spinal stenosis. It was quick and easy. He was laid up for a couple of weeks, but the pain was instantly gone.
I say get that attorney, get your husband placed and get the surgery if you are a candidate for it. One day my DH just couldn't move any more. What would you do it that were to happen?
We're pulling for you. You've worked hard. You need to work smart now.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: SherylS
I'm concerned about your finances too. I'm confused as to why an annuity would be set up that doesn't start paying out until 2015 if your husband is in his 90s? Perhaps that is one for you and not him? Something your hubby had planned ahead so that you'd be taken care of?
Click on FIND at the top of this page and type in Eldercare Attorney to see other posts that have been made in other discussions that would give additional information.
Since you have a nice nest egg, You shouldn't have to spend it down and virtually go on charity via Medicaid. That would be to qualify to put him into a home.
Regular Medicare will pay for Dr. visits and pharmacy as well as up to 3 mo in a rehab facility. The only real cost to you would be if you put him into a facility. Alz facilities are the most expensive but there are also private homes that are set up as care facilities that are cheaper.
Find yourself a local Caregiver Support Group that might direct you in your geographic area.
Most important, get yourself that attorney!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: jfkoc
I too was thrown into the deep end of the pool and did not know how to swim. It sounds like you are at least treading water. Good for you.
Thank you to all here who take the time to explain this stuff to us!!!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Fluffy
Hello everyone. Nice to hear from you.
One thing that can get on my nerves although not as much as it did is my husbands constant talking. Even when he's in bed. I think a lot of it is due to boredom. Just the 2 of us and
it's the same day in and day out. We don't have any children but he has 3 by previous marriage. But you would never know it. His 2 daughters are older than me and son is slightly younger.
The oldest daughter does call once in a great while but not the others. Son accuses me of complaining when I did tell him things about his Father and youngest daughter accused me of thinking more of my cat who was sick at the tim
and spending as she said $800 of her Faather's money on a computer.And did I really love her
Father. I guess they don't care for me anymore since I more or less told them off. They were always saying why don't you do this or that, blah, blah,blah. None of them has taken care opf someone with Alzheimer,s. Well I have. My Aunt. Besides her broker hips, pelveis and thigh she developed Alzheimer's. So I told them I've been there done that and unless your here 24/7 then I would appreciate keeping your oipinions to yourself. I said it in nice manner but firm enough for them to get the hint. Well you just don't talk to them like that. They get offended. Well too darn bad.
Now to finances. Boy, I'm turning into Aunt Blabby.
About 3 yrs. ago almost everything was put into my name. House already was because it was my parents. An elder care lawyer wrote up my will and other documents. I also have a long term care poilicy for myself that will pay a certain amount to me wherever I am whem=n the need arises. My husband has a will and that.s it.
Guess he figured what he saved would take care of him.
The investment we have is a corporate real estate fund. This financial guy did good for us while he was at the bank. But he went to a firm and we stayed with him. Big mistake. I had never heard of a Reit before and he made it sound like it was as good as a C.D. Mind you I didn't know that much about investing at the time. Said e could get our money out once anyear when they have open enrollment. We started in 2005. Over time he kept puttingn more of our money in there. I called the
Reit in Sept. to get money out and now they don't have open enrollment. It's privatey held and they can change the rules. Now about almost 3/4 of our money is in there. I'm meeting with a lawyer soon to see about suing the firm he's with. I was originally listed as cpaital preservation, low risk but somehow he got it changed to growth and income, moderate risk. I just found this out after going through a bunch of papers last month.
He came around in Sept. and talked me into an Annuity. I don't know much about them but he said it was a good way to protect the rest of my money. Husband was in re-hab at the time and I jusst wasn't thinking. In hindsight I should have told him to get lost. But having dealt with him for quite a few years felt we could trust him. Guess he changed. Now everything is commissions. The Reit does pay a fairly good quarterly dividend but it wouldn't cover one month in a nursing home. In 2015 They start selling off the properties and what you get depends on what they get. Now the scary part. There is info on their website nthat they may stop or cut down on their dividends. Someone who had worked for them put on a website that they are having financial trouble and could fold up. While money isn't the most important thing in life you can see why I'm worried. If I do want to cash the Reit in they will pay me 60 cents on the dollar. I don't want to loose that. There is one out however. If the owner or their spouse needs to spend down to be eligible for Medicaid they will pay you at 95 percent. I know it really isn't honest but I want my money. Then I will be able to have someone come in a few hours a day to take care of hubby.
Only thing is they want a letter from Medicaid saying because of the money in the Reit we don't qualify. Medicaid says don't even bother applying when they hear wha we have. I'm just waiting for the forms to see what's what, and can discuss it with lawyer when I see him. I don't actually want to apply for Medicaid.
The Annuity is in my name. Stupid, stupid me.
thenthis guy comes back again in Dec. and want me to put the rest of my money into the Annuity. I told him I have to have something to work with in husband needs something or I do. He got mad and I told him to get lost. I finally woke up.
I went to 4 other investment advisors for
consutation to see what they had to say. They all said we shouldn't be in these type of
investments. He knew he had someone that didn't know much and took advantage. I feel so stupid.
So that's how things stand for now. I'm just thankkful we do have something because there are those out there that are worse off than we are. Have to be thankful for what you do have.
My best to all.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
I'm back again tonight, and I say, GET THAT ATTORNEY! I'm an accountant, but it's just too complex unless you have the papers in front of you and are reading all the fine print. The problem with brokers is when they get a commission for every transaction. Then they use up all of your money buying and selling.
Same with the annuity. Maybe it's okay, but in our specific circumstances it is imperative that we have the right financial arrangements. I can see why you are confused; I am confused. You seem to have become educated fast, but not educated enough for this mess. You need a good attorney!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Fluffy
Hi Lurk,
The lawyer that drew up my will was an elder care attorney specializing in will, estates and trust. He is supposed to be very good. But he said to me that since everything is in my name why worry. That didn't sit very well with me. I am looking for another one but in our area there aren't too many in that field.
I'm meeting with a lawyer about this broker to see if I have any recourse about what he got us into. Maybe he can refer me to a lawyer that would help with estate planning.
It may be silly thinking on my part with this Reit. I can get 95 o/o of money back if they get letter from Medicid stating that because of this investment I don't qualify. But I have been told by Medicaid don't even bother have too much. I don't want to go on Medicaid just looking for way to get money back.
Should have just put money in C.D.'s although now there not paying much but money would have been safe. At least we hope so.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
Well, I am relieved that you have more than one lawyer involved. I woke up this morning worried that after my last post, you would find an unscrupulous lawyer who would do even more damage.
I still think you should write off Medicaid, but the elder care attorney can explain it better. I think you do have just "too much". I really don't understand Medicaid as I wrote it off already, but if things are in your name and have been for more than five years, the look back period, they don't count that as I understand. So that seems not to be an issue.
Hope I'm not just confusing you. I'm glad you keep checking back. There are some wonderful past threads explaining Medicaid on this board. So much information. Best of luck to you.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: jfkoc
Some investment thoughts to mull.
1. CDs will rarely make you any money. They usually do not keep up with the rate of inflation. The stock market is the big Casino but I am totally comfortable with it and I am squeaky tight with money. It is imparitive to have a deversified portfolio!!! 2. Brokers can not buy/sell (churn) if you do not allow it.
3. It is important to document all instructions
4. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR INVESTMENTS. It is more than confusing to learn to manage money but it is ultimately up to the person whose money it is to determine what is done with it.
My son is also my broker at Oppenheimer and is allowed to trade w/o my express approval on each and every action. His children (skip generation revocable trust) are the beneficiaries and it is a way to throw some business his way. It has worked but I still let him know that I am involved by asking question frequently.
5. Investments must be reviewed before made and on a regular basis. I am truly not interested in doing this and it is NOT SO EASY WITH EVERYTHING ELSE WE DO!!!!
Please let us know how you fare. Your course of action could help all of us.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
Okay, I went back and reread all the posts on this thread as there are so many issues. First, I don't think you need an anti-depressant; you seem to be one feisty lady. Second, what would you spend down all of that money on???
More to the point is your REIT investments. We all know what housing is like now, but I wouldn't even attempt to make a suggestion. If the company was solvent and trustworthy, then waiting would be the answer--if you can wait. But that's a big IF! I lost $15,000 in a situation where the company was not trustworthy.
And you may already have encountered this. When they start selling off the real estate, you are hit with capital gains taxes. Who prepares your tax returns? Don't get a big surprise. Check it out.
Okay, that's all the good news I can think of at this time. But in the end I think you'll be okay just because of your savvy (newly acquired) and your strength. Keep getting educated.
PS: Jfkoc posted while I was typing, and that information is pertinent and correct. How lucky we are to have knowledgeable people on the board.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
Okay, community property state. Changes everything. Take it easy on the messenger. 
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Fluffy
Hello everyone, thank you for your messages.
Each state has their ow rules for Medicaid. I was told by a social worker who works very closely with Medicaid that even things are in my name they will always be counted as assets.
Even my house. As long as husband and I married 10 or more years it's considered community property. We've been married 38 yrs. My Aunt
(Mother's older sister) lived next door to us.
Was my grandparents house. They never had children and were quite well off. She passed away in 2001 leaving her estate to my Mother and me, I was the exutrix of her estate. I was debating wether to remain in our house or move to her house when 5 wks. to the day my Mother passed away. What a shock. But they had good lives. They were 96 & 94. I'm still in my parents house. Coouldn't move.At same time I'm realizing husband's forgetfulness. But he was stubborn and wouldn't help me cleaning out my Aunt;s house. Did it all myself. Had an estate sale for contents and then sold the house. But I'd rather have my Mother back. Sorry, I got off track.
Social Worker said it doesn't matter 5yrs. or more as long as there are assets including my inheritance. And if necessary a lien would be placed on my house so if it was ever sold they could collect their meoney. You should have heard me with that poor social worker. This isn't my husband's house. He didn't pay for it, etc. She even said with the Reit I could cash it in when it's allowed once a year but I would take a 40 percent loss. Just like that. I told her to leave. I know some say when your gone what do you care about the house. But I do care.
That's why I'm trying to cash in the Reit on the basis that it keeps us from qualifying for Medicaid. They have that provision. Then I can get 95 percent of it back. But Medicaid says don't even bother. We wouldn't look at it/.
Besides I have provision in my will that husband can remain in house if somethingn happens to me. Money set aside for his care. What wouold happen to him in that case? Forgot to ask that question. So this is where I am.
That's why I can get keyed up at times. I want to go scream at these people but wouldn't do any good. I'm just plugging along.
Meaning no offense to men but came across a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt a few weeks ago.
"Women are like tea bags. You never know how strong they will be until they are put in hot water". I jusst hope my strength continues.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Carolina Songbird
I would guess Medicaid is saying "don't even bother" because they know they would deny you.
But that denial letter is what you need to liquidate the REIT -- so why wouldn't you apply to get that letter?
We did not totally understand the Medicaid rules -- we kept getting different stories, so we applied, figuring we would get denied but the denial would more clearly tell us what we needed to do TO qualify. Mom was denied in November, we reapplied in March (which was when we thought we needed to per their denial), and she qualified as of the previous January.
If you applied repeatedly with no change in your status, I can understand why the Medicaid people would be upset. But if you explain you need an official denial to liquidate other assets, I don't think anyone is going to blink at that. Depending on the amount of assets, you may never have to really apply for Medicaid.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Fluffy
To jfkoc: Hello. I do understand that ultimately it's our responsibility. Almost everything we do is. And I am so mad at myself for not seeing the change in this investment advisor. Of course he always seemed to be the same.
We dealt with him for a number of years and had faith in him. He did good for us. But he went to this new firm and apparently commissions
meant more to him than his clients best interest. The Reit we have is corporate office buildings with tenants like IBM, AT&T,Pepsi Cola, etc. But I have been told that they are facing a downturn like the housing market.
I won't go into detail would be to long. But some of the things that were done are suspicious. I've only had computer a year and really didn't know a lot about it, other than looking up info on husband.Played solitaire a lot. Didn't get into all these websites until recently. FINRA website gives you list of things advisor should and ahouldn't do. And some things fall into the shouldn't do. He knew he had someone that didn't know all that much and took advantage.
But boy am I learning. Don't trust anyone when it comes to money. And getprospectuses before you invest. Wish I had known this before. That's what happens when your suddenly thrust into something you know nothing about. Best advice-don't do anything until you do, fully.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: JAB
quote: I was told by a social worker who works very closely with Medicaid that even things are in my name they will always be counted as assets.
Even my house.
Yes ... and no.
If the house is in his name or held jointly, it is protected as long as you are living there, although Medicaid may recover what they've paid out for you and your husband from its sale once both of you are gone.
If the house is in your name, however, then it's protected, period.
Certain types of assets are not "countable", and, depending on where you live, there may be ways to move some of your "countable" assets into the "noncountable" column.
Talk with a qualified elder law attorney, NOT a social worker.
Lurk, it doesn't matter whether you live in a community property state. As far as Medicaid is concerned, all assets are joint assets -- even premarital assets, and even if there was a premarital agreement. However, not all assets are "countable" assets. For example, in some states, some assets can be protected by placing them in a special type of annuity. Medicaid will not consider a 401(k) or a pension as a countable asset unless they are in accounts that could be liquidated. If they are drawing an income stream that cannot be changed, then they won't be taken.
It is my understanding that "stuff" is not considered to be an asset. So if you had, say, a valuable stamp collection, it would not be counted as an asset at the time the "benchmark" is calculated, but could be sold after your spouse was approved for Medicaid and used as you see fit. If sold before he was approved, then the money would be a joint asset.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
Fluffy, that thinking "that was last night, this is this morning" made me laugh, but almost made sense to me--because I'm used to that reasoning. 
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Fluffy
Hello to all. I want to thank all of you for taking the time to respond of my messgaes. I know some were rather long. But since I have been able to get some thins out I am feeling better and not so upset. You see , I don't have anyone to talk to. It's it's just hubby and me. Used to have a lot of relatives Aunt's, Uncle's, cousins in our block. But they have all passed away.My Mother was from here and my Father from York, Pa. No one left on his side either except for distant cousins. I'm in N.J. What they call the Jersey shore. About 5 blocks from the ocean. The new owners of most of the houses are from the city and meaning no offense , but not that socialble. The younger generation. I just wish I had someone I could talk to when needed just to get things off my chest. I believe I have found it here. May not br in person but it is helping. Support group in our area meets a 6:00 which isn't conveneint for me.I can leave husband alone for couple hours during the day to go grocery shopping but don't like to leave him alone when it gets dark. He seems to get a little more cofused if I'm not around. Maybe a little of the
sundowner.
Oh, by the way. I complained about him with his shoes and socks. Yelling help, to get them on. Well last night sitting watching tv he took them off. About ½ hour later he put them back onI asked him why he couldn't do it this morning and he said I don't know. But I can do it. This morning sais he couldn't do it. I said you did it last night. His reply-that was last night this is the morning. Think he's become to dependent on me.
Again, thank you all for your support. I have found new friends.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: jfkoc
fluffy, amen... now throw me the life preserver!!!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
Thanks JAB. At one time I clicked on the Medicaid information for my state and skimmed it. But when I decided that I would pay as I go, I didn't bother to remember anything.
|
|
|
|