Archived Message Board
Spouse/Partner Caregiver Forum
we aren't married
quote:Originally posted by loveiswhatlasts:I hear how it makes sense to leave especially when he won't marry me. He won't even tell his kids that we have a lifetime commitment because he's still seeing other women and doesn't want to get in trouble. But how do you just leave someone you really love, who needs you? I can't do it even when I make the argument to myself that if he won't marry me, and he won't, I'm making a big mistake by staying, and if I'm going to leave I'd better do it now so he has time to fill the hole I'd leave. Even though he's being a jerk right now and taking me for granted, it would devastate him. Meanwhile, I'm fairly devastated myself.
quote:Originally posted by biccoastal:Absolutely. No judgment. For what it is worth, our first diagnosis was delivered by a team of physician and social worker. The social worker assumed without asking that I would divorce my husband. We'd been together 10 years then. In her experience, she said, it was rare for a relationship to withstand the challenges of dementia unless - pre-diagnosis - the couple had a history of a long and happy marriage and a deep network of friends and family. She also said it was a service to the patient and the patient's family for the younger newer spouse to leave as soon as practical so the patient could move and adjust while still competent.
quote:Let me get this straight.You have a man who cheats on you, won't tell his family about you, won't marry you, but thinks it's okay for you to be his nurse maid for free for his long term terminal illness.How special is that?!?!Don't walk, RUN to a therapist immediately and figure out why in the world you would even consider an offer like this for 2 seconds before you ran screaming for the hills.
quote:Originally posted by loveiswhatlasts:I spent last night crying uncontrollably. the MCI diagnosis was from the best Alzheimer's doctor at Emory. He had an MRI that showed shrinkage of the hippocampus (I think that's what it was), the part of the brain that deals with short-term memory. we are going to Mayo to do some brain imaging that's currently in clinical trials, but they put some sort of dye in the brain and they can tell how much plaque is in it. They asked him if he wanted to know whether he was going to get AD, and he reluctantly said yes. They said they will know with a large degree of certainty because really, if he has the plaque, he already has AD.