|
|
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463
|
Originally posted by: Doug146
OK I know this is a touchy subject but we are all adults so I think it bares some discussion. DW is late moderate and functions quite well. Diag.6 years ago, she is 72. We still both enjoy intimatacy though not as often as we did in our younger years. This is almost always initiated by me and I admit I sometimes feel guilty, you know, like maybe this is somehow wrong! But she is very responsive and, excuse me, the big O is explosive and I notice she seems a bit more uplifted the rest of the day, we are morning people. My opinion is that anything you can to keep all things as near normal as they always were is probably a good thing.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Cathy J. M.
I'm sure I read a study somewhere that good sex benefits cognition. 
Or maybe I didn't....but anyway, I think it's a good idea. I've been waiting till my partner initiates it but sometimes hint a bit.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: LCB
Doug,
I couldn't agree more that anything that seems "normal" is a good thing, and sex at our house is the only thing even approaching "normal."
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: SherylS
Hooray for you both! My DH thinks that it's "nasty" now! Sure a big change around from the other years of our marriage!!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: RevSasha
Amen to both of you. Call it good. 
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: DLMifm
Down memory lane...
When AD uses up the funds what else is left <grin>
DLM
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Dorinne
What's sex??????????lol 
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Doug146
Thanks for the replies folks. Back in the old days if the neighbors didn't see us for three days they would bring over a bucket of cold water to pour on us so we would seperate. It's nice that the spark is still there.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Starling
If you are happy and she is happy, just keep on doing what makes you happy.
There may come a time when you won't want sex with your wife, or there might not. But as long as both of you are happy, why not? You are married after all.
And this from a spouse where the sex ended pretty early and I was glad it was over. But neither of us were happy.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: DLMifm
quote: Originally posted by Dorinne: What's sex??????????lol
Something from the 20th Century, I think ....
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: terromari
quote: Originally posted by Cathy J. M.: I'm sure I read a study somewhere that good sex benefits cognition. Or maybe I didn't....but anyway, I think it's a good idea. I've been waiting till my partner initiates it but sometimes hint a bit.
What I would give to have an opportunity to lay down with my LO and have even just a cuddle. We enjoyed being affectionate. But he is still "in there"and I can spend loving time with him even if there is no sex. Carry on!!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Cathy J. M.
RevSasha, I'm sorry this is such a painful issue for you and your DH, who love each other so much.
It's very difficult, I know. Being rejected sexually is a painful experience emotionally, and of course your DH is now extra sensitive to rejection. And being rejected emotionally yourself because you have no pleasure in sex, is awful for you. I have no solution or suggestions, but much sympathy.
Well -- actually, I can't resist one small suggestion. I believe it's unusual for libido to disappear completely after menopause. Lack of hormone therapy doesn't explain this at all. There must be some other reason for it, and possibly a solution. Of course, this is a very personal matter and may be very low on your list of things to research! Please don't be offended.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lorraine mund
Fortunately, my husband still enjoys intimacy. It is, of course, not the sex of our younger years, but I know he loves my attention and I can feel his love with his caresses. I hope this lasts a long time. We are always closer after.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Doug146
Lot of good ponts LCB. My heart goes out to those who have difficult spouses. I am blessed with a sweetheart who just can't remember things. She is on Namanda and Razdyne.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: RevSasha
Doug146, I still say atta' boy and atta' girl to you and your wife. And today the issue of sex got personal. I have not had any desire...nada, none, zilch...for over 10 years, since menopause. We've rarely had intimacy in that time. I can't even get the slightest bit interested, it is repugnant to me. I've tried hormone treatment, but since that's not covered by insurance, I simply don't have the extra $100 a month. I know that most men do not understand this at all, I simply cannot and do not want sex. I get angry when everybody seems to say you gotta have it! I'm healthy in all other ways and take great care of my loved one in all other ways. I love and respect him with all my heart and we are affectionate with each other all the time. He just wants to take it further. Even if I force myself it's not a pleasant experience. So now this morning he started in on me again, he rarely gets angry, but today he's throwing a real tantrum because I won't have sex with him. He's refusing to come out of the bedroom, refusing his meds, lashing out at the cats, and saying he doesn't want to live anymore. If I say no, he's pissed. If I say maybe, he's pissed. And if I say yes, thinking he will forget, he doesn't and gets pissed. I thought our life was about more than sex. Sorry but sex is not the end all, be all for me.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: cloudspn
You are lucky, I hate sex with a purple passion.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: LCB
Doug,
This is what I meant to say this morning, but he reads over my shoulder, so I had to post quickly and get out.
I was writing about how it was up to me (isn't everything up to the care partner) to switch gears. What I mean is that sometimes he is the most miserable unhappy person, blaming me for all his problems, except when he wants sex. Then he gets sweet and lovey dovey. If I didn't switch from being detached to accepting him as he is, we would never have sex again. That would be silly. So I just go along with him and am usually glad I did.
I talked to him about being mean and miserable, and he has really tried to stay sweet afterwards, but he just can't do it. If I thought he could control his misery by harnessing his thoughts, as mentally healthy people can usually do, I'd send him packing. But I know he can't. I now believe a lot of divorces are caused by early AD. He is still able to drive, so he is doing really well on Aricept and Namenda.
We spouses sometimes have to become mental gymnasts so we can protect ourselves when they are mean and respond to them when they are sweet. I would not want to miss out on our special times together. He is 66 and I will be 70 in November. And btw, we're afternoon people.
I had to laugh reading these. I'm glad the spark is still there too.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Dorinne
Ditto...  .......LOL
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: lurk
Too, too funny, Dave (said wryly, as I am with Rev and Cloudspn).
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: DLMifm
quote: Originally posted by lurk:
Too, too funny, Dave (said wryly, as I am with Rev and Cloudspn).
Purple Passion recipe
Shot Glass
alcohol 32%
1 1/4 oz vodka
3/4 oz triple sec
1 splash grape juice
1 splash cranberry juice
==
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: DLMifm
quote: Originally posted by cloudspn:
You are lucky, I hate sex with a purple passion.
Avoid taking the purple passion and see if that helps.
DLM
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: DLMifm
quote: Originally posted by Tiggercat:
Rev, I'm with you too. I'd rather sleep.
How do you know you're not pleasuring yourself in your sleep <grin>
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: RevSasha
Yeah...I've been feeling like the lone ranger out here...everyone says have sex, have sex, if you don't want it there's something wrong with you. If this has not happened to you, I'm sure you wouldn't understand. Don't need it, don't want it. I'm fine, he's not.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Tiggercat
Rev, I'm with you too. I'd rather sleep.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: bamagrace
I remember my DH saying he was filling out a form that had check male or female on sex. He claimed he wrote "not lately". As for me I am trying to remember what sex is and there is nothing wrong with my memory. It's been a long, long time for this ole lady.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: OhNo! It's Dave!
Great topic for the Spouses Chatroom meeting on Sunday October 2 10:00 PM EST...or maybe not
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: cloudspn
Hmmm, Purple Passion receipe looks good!
Back to being serious, I do worry that my lack of desire is making DH have the illusions that I'm entertaining a man in bed.
Wow, how personal can I get?
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: RevSasha
quote: Originally posted by DLMifm: quote: Originally posted by Tiggercat:
Rev, I'm with you too. I'd rather sleep.
How do you know you're not pleasuring yourself in your sleep <grin>
NOT...I don't sleep either.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: DLMifm
quote: Originally posted by RevSasha:
NOT...I don't sleep either.
MyBad forgot to factor in you are a caregiver, sleep is one of those unknowns.
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Cheryle Gardiner
quote: Originally posted by cloudspn:
Hmmm, Purple Passion receipe looks good!
Back to being serious, I do worry that my lack of desire is making DH have the illusions that I'm entertaining a man in bed.
Wow, how personal can I get?
Cloudspn, that would mean he could formulate a cause and effect rationale, which is unlikely - though not impossible. I think accusations of infidelity are fairly common among dementia patients. My Godmother's husband accused her, and she was the least likely person I've ever known to have an affair - she'd been a nun when she was a much younger woman, and never even dated until she met Richard!
Oh, and "getting personal" is the beauty of this board, IMHO!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: M Hofer
I agree with the fact that try to be as normal as possible. We have been going through this for a year now. My DH is not dignosed yet, he will not believe that there is a problem. But he started wanting sex 9 times a week. I like sex as much as anyone, but 9 times is a little much. So we settled on 3 time a week. The trouble is he forgets doing anything. He still wants more. I know that he can't remember, but I can't comply that often. How do I handle this with out him becomming angry. Yesterday was one of these days,so now he is not speaking to me.I am almost 72 and he is 74. We have been married 47 years this month
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Cheryle Gardiner
cloudspn, I thought of you with something I read yesterday about this. Apparently because dementia patients have lost a sense of time, they sometimes think people have been gone much longer than they actually have. The article said that this seems to be one of the things that leads to accusations of infidelity.
I do hope this passes for you soon. (((( hugs ))))
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: DLMifm
quote: Originally posted by M Hofer:
I agree with the fact that try to be as normal as possible. We have been going through this for a year now. My DH is not dignosed yet, he will not believe that there is a problem. But he started wanting sex 9 times a week. I like sex as much as anyone, but 9 times is a little much. So we settled on 3 time a week. The trouble is he forgets doing anything. He still wants more. I know that he can't remember, but I can't comply that often. How do I handle this with out him becomming angry. Yesterday was one of these days,so now he is not speaking to me.I am almost 72 and he is 74. We have been married 47 years this month
Reminds me of a story
Newly married was discussing having sex,
The friend asked how many time a day did they have sex.
Newly married said nine times.
The friend was amazed. and asked how do you count?
Newly married answered: one and a two and a three , some times we reach nine
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: cloudspn
Thanks Cheryl,it's so difficult to let it roll off your back but I am getting used to it in a sense. Sad!
|
|
|
|
Originally posted by: Doug146
GOOD LORD, M Hofer!!!!
|
|
|
|