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Question about moving my 88 yrs old mother
Internal Administrator
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: HOrtiz

My 88 yr odl mother lives in her house in Puerto Rico and I'm thinking of bringing her to
live with me in Connecticut. My own sense is that she in the alzheimer stage 5 going into 6 and I was wondering what negative effect the change of environment, increasing her confusion and other difficulties she having. At this time her care at home is not going well and I am very concerned about worst things to happen. Please any experience and advise in this area will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: babaster

Debbie0143, I also live in the Milwaukee area and am researching options for my father. What assisted living facility is your mother in?

Thank you for the info.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: Carolina Songbird

Hello, babaster, and welcome to the message boards. I'm glad you found us.

The poster you asked the question of, Debbie, has not been on the message boards in over a year. You are looking at a post that is over two years old. Don't worry about it -- you probably have your personal preferences set so that the complete date is not shown. (You can reset those under My Profile.)

I would suggest visiting the Caregivers forum and posting your questions there. That area gets a lot more traffic and I know you will receive a warm welcome and good advice.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: colie

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sandy J.:
I have similar concerns about moving my mom out of her own house.

Sandy, I was faced with moving my husband back to my hometown which meant a road trip from CT to CA. He was agitated on the trip but quickly settled in once we arrived. We lived with my parents until we found our own home. Another concern since he was going to face learning a new routine. He did better then I thought. I think being with family is a positive factor with this disease. It is taxing and hard work but I do not regret moving back to be with family.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: Johanna C.

Dear AZRiverRat: Welcome to the Caregiver's Forum. You will meet many very terrific people here.

What a story! Your challenges are many, but it appears you are doing a tremendous job of meeting them as they arise.

You are correct; simplicity is by far best and a scheduled approach to sameness seems to be pretty comforting to them.

She is more than blessed to you her loving and compassionate caregivers, and I think you deserve very big kudos for the wonderful way in which you have approached all of this.

We are glad you are amongst us and are looking forward to "talking" with you more in the future.

Johanna C.
Peer Volunteer
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: Angel10

I know there are concerns of moving a loved-one with dementia/alzheimer. My Dad moved from his home of 56 years and moved in with me after the death of my Mother. I felt horrible moving him, but the early summer Mom died, Mom and Dad were scheduled to move in with me in late summer, so my siblings advised that we keep with the same plan and have Dad move in with me. I had one sibling who resisted this path, but Dad was aware enough at that point to make his own decision and he chose to live with me. Had he not been able to make that decision, I would have moved him in with me anyway, b/c I knew in my heart and so did the majority of siblings, that Dad could not survive on his own, as his memory was going, he was grieving his lifelong friend and spouse, he couldn't drive anymore, etc. So, I would say, although you are hesitant to move your Mom b/c of drastic change, I think the important thing is LOVE. You love her. You will make her feel welcome. You will help her get acclamated to her new surroundings. You will definitely be making lifestyle changes as well. But your heart is your guide and you love your Mom, you want to keep her safe and so you do what you must do in order to accomplish those goals. My Dad has been with me 3 years almost, and it is just now, at about the 2 year and 3/4 mark, that I have just put alarms on the main entry doors to the house and safety covers on the doorknobs so he can't open them, and have put a lock on the basement door. This came about as a result of Dad finding his way to the basement at 3 in the morning, which really freaked me out. Why am I telling you this? You may need to make some minor adjustments to keep your Mom safe, and in my case, from the one incident making it down to the basement and my Dad being really confused about where he was at the time, I felt it was time to take some precautions and add the door alarms and doorknob safety things so they can't be turned easily. Anyway, I say go for it, get your Mom with you, get her in a spot where she'll be comfortable with you and safe.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: Sandy J.

I have similar concerns about moving my mom out of her own house. She would be moving next to my sister, which would be really good. However, I am very worried about her symptoms increasing. Does anybody have any experiences to share about how long their LO was upset, agitated, nervous or felt less comfortable after such a move? And did these effects go away and did they return to prevoius level or stay at the increase in symptoms level that they went to because of the move. This is a choice the family is making and I have been opposing the move, because she is very content, an calm at her house and she has not had any significant problems ie. getting lost or injured... I am worried that the move will cause her to deteriate sooner than nesssesary. All my other siblings are for the move. I need to know if I should continue to hold them off or go ahead and let it happen. Are my fears unfounded?
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: debbie0413

I had the same dilemma when both my mom and dad (both with Alzheimer's) lived in an assisted living facility in Washington state and my home was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin (2000 miles away). I was very hesitant to move them, thinking that the change would start a decline in them. As a compromise, I traveled to see them every 2-3 months between 2001 and 2006 (my dad passed away in Dec. of 2003 at age 90).

Well, the decision was made for me when the facility in Washington more or less kicked my mom out in the summer of 2006 (their reasons weren't totally valid, but that is a story for another day). Well, I finally had a new facility set up by early Sept., 2006 and I flew with my mom on one plane to Chicago and ended up staying with her 2 nights in hotels before we got her to the new facility. The move was probably harder on me than on her!

Since the move, my mom has been doing terrific! The care facility I have her in now is far superior to the other one in Washington, and the place is only about 30-40 minutes from my house. My mom stays in very good physical health at 92. Although her speech is declining now, the staff knows her so well that they usually know what my mom wants to say, so she is not too stressed by the speech problems.

I would say that the key to your decision is if you can find a really excellent assisted living or skilled nursing facility for you mom near where you live. For the move, you could try to enlist the support of one or two relatives/friends who can physically help you transport her to the facility. Often you can do things like try to set up the furniture in the new room in a pattern your mom would find familiar, as well as put familiar items (pictures, knick-knacks, etc.) into the new room. These are strategies that really helped my mom adjust.

I wish you well in this challenging situation!

- Debbie
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: Maral51

My dad came from Texas to California in his later stage of Alzheimers. He actually did well on the trip over here. He just advanced very quickly in a year we lost him but got to enjoy all the time we had with him. I wrote anecdotes of his life that he could recall (past experiences, where he worked etc. ) Very uplifting now that he is gone.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: kbc

We also experienced this dilemma with my 75 yr old mother. Our parents lived about an hour away from my sister and I. My dad died about 2 years ago but mom was still able to stay at home. We would take turns going down to stay the night and eventually got a companion in during the days but the commute was very stressful and when we weren't there the phone calls from mom were constant wanting to know when we were coming (sometimes on the ride home after just leaving). We made the decision to move her up near us and I would move in with her (I was going thru divorce). We have been "settling" in for about 6 weeks now. I have to say there was definitely confusion and its hard to say how much of a decline based on the move but after 6 weeks mom has finally (at least 99% of the time) stopped packing daily to go home, stopped making phone calls for someone to take her home (even though it was to her childhood home and not the one she shared with dad). The agitation has pretty much subsided too but its probably a temporary reprive but I'll take it. She is safer, sees her grandchildren more frequently, is getting her meds on schedule and eating better because of it. The rest we just deal with.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: Taybird

We had to move my 87 year old aunt who has AD in with us last spring when she came out of a convalescent home after being knocked down by a dog and having a hip replacement. When we first brought her home, she was incontinent and nonambulatory due to the lack of real nursing support; after about 6 weeks, we had her up and walking with her walker and comfortably using the toilet.

She now asks to go home several times a week (she's been here almost 8 months!) and offers to pay someone to drive her there. She is frequently confused as to time and place and can't remember different relationships. She asked me a few weeks ago how long Paul and I had been together; he's my son!

Some days she asks if I spent the night thinking that she is in her own home. Other times she can't remember in which direction her bedroom or bathroom lies. She very much enjoys the three dogs that like to lay on the couch next to her and who allow her to pet them incessantly!

My 85 yr old alcoholic dad, who also lives with us and has progressive dementia, has the bedroom next to her. Together they sit and remember their childhood days skating and going to school. While this has been an ongoing journey for all of us, there is something to be said for having the brother and sister together entertaining themselves with repetitive, yet always new, stories!

It definitely has helped hearing how others are managing and reminding ourselves that we are not the only ones living with this chaos. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories!
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: sewold

My experience may not help anyone else but I have to feel that God was in control! I posted some time ago about my dilemma about moving to a smaller home, easier to care for, etc. My husband, (the affected one!) was so against moving I just didn't know how to handle the inevitable.
We came home from an outing the week before Easter to find the furnace wouldn't come on. It was still cold then in Ohio. Checking the basement, we found about 10 inches of water. We've lived there 30 years and never had water in the basement! So I told him "We have another house with a furnace. We're moving." Didn't say anything about it being permanent. He could see the immediate necessity and that's all he needed at the time. Immediate is all he can understand. It hasn't been easy. He still wants to go back to the "old" place. But he is gradually making new routines - finding his shaving "stuff", finding his lunch, finding his coat, finding the light switches, etc. As long as he is fed and has a couch to nap on, I feel comfortable about the move! We (I) have continued to move things a few at a time. I'm blessed with not having to rush to get out of the other house. It's only a few miles away.
I think the key was moving those things he's familiar with - his chest of drawers with his clothes in the familiar places, for example. I did feel a little slide in his condition but it may have come anyhow. He still gets confused, but would have done that anyhow. Don't beat yourself up. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your LO.
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: Sandy J.

Thanks, that helps alot.

Sandy
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, January 6, 2012 2:09 PM
Originally posted by: AZRiverRat

We recently moved my SO 87 yo mother into our home. She had been living alone for over 20 years and had gotten to the point where she would pack her suitcases and wait on the curb for "her son/daughter" to come pick her up. She was also wandering and knocking on the neighbors doors at her condo complex, asking them to call her son. We would rush over to her house, and she would say that he wasnt her son.....she had never seen this man before in her life, even though we were taking her to do her food shopping every week and going to check on her several times during the week.

After much conversation, we thought she had accepted the fact that she no longer could live alone.

We arrived to bring her home, and she planted herself in the doorway and refused to leave! We were ready to call APS because she HAD to leave NOW, and was getting physically violent. It took us about 2 hours, but FINALLY she was in the car. Once at our house she was agitated, confused and VERY angry. None of us slept that night,and I finally nodded off about 5 am the next morning. I went to check on her and she was GONE! Thank god our property is fenced, because I found her outside walking around with her favorite stuffed animal. This was during October, and I shudder to think of what would have happened to her if we lived in a cold climate. Even in AZ, the temps were in the low 50's that morning.
The next day wasnt any better. She couldnt sleep AGAIN that night. After being up almost 48 hours, she could no longer fight it. She was at the kitchen sink, and leaned down to straighten the rug. She fell asleep with her forhead on the counter, and luckily her son was right there to catch her as her legs went out from under her.

The first few weeks were a nightmare, and I had serious doubts about my ability to cope.

I took her to the doctor, and he prescribed Restoril(sp) to help with the agitation and sundowners. She had been taking Namenda for several months, but only sporadically so we started giving her meds and within about 3 weeks her behavior had improved quite a bit. Now she is pretty consistant.....There are still bad days, but nothing like before.
I have learned that routine is VERY important, an simplicity works best.
I use the same techniques as I did when my children were toddlers. Calm clear consistant communication. Patience, humor, and understanding.....and a canine companion (once our dog) whom she now calls her own.
 
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