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advice on day care
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: Fluffy

Husband started day care 3 weeks ago, 2 days a week. Seems to me every time he comes home he is more agitated or confused.Unless the disease has progressed. I adsk him if he enjoyed his day and he says he did. But when I nask him what he did hen says nothing. Just twiddle my thumbs. I know they have things to do and are giving him PT. He never liked being with a lot of people but thought it might get him out and be stimulating for him. Plus give me a break.
He has become so dependant on me an d if I'm not around even in another room he wonders where I am. But when his children come around twice a year hen acts almost perfectly normal which drives me nuts because they don't think he's that bad. But then when a couple friends of mine ome to visit he's pretty good also. Caries on a conversation an seems to have a good time.
Maybe there's too many people for him at Day Care. After he was home for awhile today he wanted to know where all thr people went. Thought they had been here. At supper asked if he knew who I was and he said my name. Asked him what I ws to him andf he said my wife. But 10 min. later he had to go home, he didn't live here andf I wasn't his wife. Then I was his wife agai but he had to go home which has bren going on for almost 2 yrs. Then he had to go to work on Mon., that he's on vacation now. Wonder if he's picking dsomethinng up at Day Care anfd ikt's getting him confused. Then e thought our house was where he worked. He hasn't worked for 20 yrs. He's 94.
Now I'm wondering about sending him back to Day Care. He would go again Thurs.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to push him into something that upsets him.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: brightwings

Fluffy
It doesn't sound terrible at all to be worn out after 10 years of caregiving...

Sounds completely normal...

Enjoy that he's participating in daycare and have him go as many days/week as you can afford...
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: brightwings

He's not going to remember what he did at daycare so there's not much point in asking...

You can call the staff to see how he did during the day (in some places you can visit and watch him through a doorway). He may be having a great time..Since he asked where all the people were and that he thinks he's back at work suggests that, for him, things feel more normal and familiar.

or even just being safe and cared for while you get a break is sufficient for daycare to be worthwhile.

If he does well with his children and others around, he probably is enjoying the stimulus of the daycare...

Are you missing him when he's not there? Are you able to take advantage of the free time?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: Cathy J. M.

[quote]Seems to me every time he comes home he is more agitated or confused.[/quote]

Maybe on those days he gets extra tired? That can make someone more agitated and confused.

Is he less agitated and confused by the next day?

If he's getting more and more agitated and confused even on the days he doesn't go to day care, it would be worth checking for a UTI. And of course, let his brain specialist know what's happening. It may well be the disease progressing.

Some people with AD just don't do well at a day center -- even a very good one. Another option might be to try picking him up early -- though that cuts into your time off. If he usually takes a nap after lunch, then staying later at the day center may be exhausting for him.

If the day center doesn't work out, an in-home caregiver probably will -- and you'll still get the time off that you need and certainly deserve.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: Fluffy

Hello brightwings,
No I do not miss him when he's not here. May sound terrible but 10 yrs. of this diseaser has me worn out. Besides even beofre the Alz. he was thre type of person that couln't find activities to do on his own. I always had to be involved. He was always like a baby when it came to that.
I just ask him to have something to say. I have called and they say he is participating in activities but I'm not going to bother to go and look.
His childred came over at Christmas before he started daycare. I wish they would take him but thery can't be bothered and would only put him in nursing home and forget him. He ws not a very doting Father so I guess they drifted away.
They expected him to reign down ther presentsw on his grandchildren and he isn't the type. Was his upbringing.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: Claudia R

If you have another facility that offers daycare, you might try it. The second one I tried was a better fit, although I loved the staff at the first one. Hubby still complains and gets tired, but if he is at home he might complain and get tired.

It sounds as though your morning aide gets a lot done with the bathing, etc. I vote to keep that one as those chores are physical and you need to get yourself going in the morning.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: Fluffy

Hello Cathy,

I was thinking along the same lines. Having a HHA to come in for a few hours a day or 2 0r 3 days a week. I already have someone coming in the morning to get him up and ready for day care pick-up. By the time I get myself going with my bad back, knees and feet, then try to get him ready we are late.

He also sleeps quite a bit during the day at home and maybe that is the problem. He gets tired out. Maybe I could do away with morning aide and get one to come in later when I could get some things done. The way it is now I'm almost paying double to send him to day care.

He also never did like crowds. Even to go over to his son's in previous years when he had a big party I had to push hubby to go. But once he got there he was ok. But he knew the people there.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: jfkoc

Every time you post I think it is me!!!

I would certainly give the day care some more time. He may be tired out. Try some of the suggestions already given.

Enjoy your time...you need it!!!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: brightwings

My mother--then in her late 80's--used to take a nap in the nurse's office at the day care in an easy chair for an hour or two mid-day.

Sometimes she just needed some quiet time in the middle of the busiest... If she felt agitated, they knew to let her rest a bit...

Tell the daycare staff what you're seeing and see if they can adjust his schedule there at all.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: Starling

One of the day cares I tried my husband at had a place for the "sleepers". They ones that needed to sleep most of the day had their own chairs, but they could put anyone down for a nap. That day care was set up to keep people in the later stages including one man who I met who was exit seeking and who was perfectly safe pacing in his own "ring".

Find out if your husband can take a nap at day care.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: Claudia R

Haha JF! You're crazy too?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: Von

The day care is a good options for both of you, finding a good one and finding something to keep them busy is always good. I had to go through several before I found one that was a match, my husband didn't want to do any of the things there so we tried everyday of the week. But on Monday's is music which he loves and that seems to work, they sing, dance, march and he loves it.
The doctor also said he should go and gave him a mild seditive to help adjust. I feel so refreshed and ready to move on again.
Hang in there this is a long hard journey
Von
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:19 PM
Originally posted by: jfkoc

as a Loon....
 
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