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letter to the DMV
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: RHW

The letter to the DMV has now been turned in and I expect notification soon that his license has been removed. The Doctor also turned in his evaluation so I do not think there is going to be a hold up. The Doctor told DH at our visit last Monday that this was going to happen. He does not accept it at all and behaves like it was never said. He continues to try to beat me to the drive side of the car and is angry EVERYTIME that we go anywhere because he is not driving. When I remind him of what the Dr. said he just says he does not care what the Dr. says and that she is crazy. At least this last step gives me the backbone and support to NOT ALLOW HIM TO DRIVE!

I also got fake keys to replace the real ones on his key chain. He wants those keys in his pocket! I can now go to town for a short time and not have to figure out how to get the keys away from him before I go. My fear is that he is going to beat me to the car when we are out and try to use the key to open the door or start the car. When he does that and the key does not work then I get in and drive with my keys..... how am I going to explain that. There are moments that I can tell him anything and he will be distracted and other moments that honestly he acts like nothing is wrong.

He told me last night while on the way home from choir practice that he was going to get in his truck and just leave. At least without the correct keys I know he can not do that. He resents so badly not being able to drive. It hurts so much to see him Hurt this way.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: RHW

This post could be written by me! Were you ever able to go anywhere without the anger? I actually avoid leaving the house because I know what is going to happen yet I also know that getting out and doing things is so important for him!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: meeko11

RHW as my husband fell deeper into the disease our world grew smaller and smaller. I never know what would set him off. We did frequent one restaurant where one waitress understood what was going on and handled the situation beautifully. You don't want to know how many business establishments we were thrown out of. Our struggle is now over but my heart aches for all of you still trying to cope.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: meeko11

RHW reems have been written about the driving issue. After my husband's doc sent the forms into the DMV the state sent additional forms to our house. Husband opened the envelope and filled out the forms to his liking. He would not accept the fact that his license had been revoked and continued to drive. Hiding his keys resulted in rage. With the help of a friend we "spirited" both cars to a dealership and I bought a new car unfamiliar to DH. He tried everything he could think of to get to the keys or have a need to drive in an emergency. I hid the second key so well I forgot where I put it. My key was in my pocket at all times. He never accepted the fact that he could not drive until the time that I had to place him. Even then he continued to look in the parking lot for his car. It was one of the saddest times of my life.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: sf

RHW, I wish I had some good advice to offer but for me the driving issue comes and goes and never seems to end. It sounds as though you're doing all you can, just don't lose sight of the keys. When we're out if Barry insists on driving by rushing to the driver's side door and blocking me I just stand back and let him run out of steam and then eventually we proceed. At least that happens less and less often.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: Cathy J. M.

quote:
Originally posted by RHW:
he is stuck in this stage where everything is wrong and I can do nothing right.


Naomi Feil's books might be of use to you.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: Carolina Songbird

quote:
Originally posted by RHW:
I really do not want the police coming to he house to remove the license but then again if that is what it takes....
One more hard decision to make!


I would be surprised if they physically come and take the license. In Dad's case, he got a letter saying his license had been revoked. IF he drives and he is stopped, they will run his license and discover it is invalid. Then he will be charged and not allowed to drive -- they will try to reach someone to come get him, and if not, he will go to jail until someone is located.

I was surprised they did not ask him to surrender the physical license by mailing it in or taking it to local DMV, though.

I removed the car from his possession within 48 hours of getting the letter, since he started remembering it differently -- he claimed it said he could drive as long as someone else was with him. He was angry for a week but got over it.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: RHW

Thank you for your words, I am so sorry for your loss. I have cards that say "My husband has dementia. Thank you for your understanding and patience." I give or show them to people when he gets upset or I see it starting to happen. I have been very touched by the kindness that most people have shown once they see the card.

His Doctor told me this week that she is very surprised at how slowly his disease is progressing. That is wonderful in most respects but it also means that he is stuck in this stage where everything is wrong and I can do nothing right. They believe that it is slow because of his intelligence. They said that some people with high IQ's seem to move more slowly through the stages.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: RHW

The letter came from the DMV telling him to report for testing. He is asked to fill out a paper with his medication and bring it with him. It clearly states that if he does not show up his license will be revoked. I don't know what to do. He has not seen the letter! Do I just ignore the letter and let them go that route to remove the license or should I show him the letter and go for the testing. I am so afraid that he will pass the test if it is just the driving part. I have no idea what qualifications the testing person will have to realize the problems. I feel guilty just ignoring the letter but then again that is what I really need to happen. Maybe I should call the number on the letter and try to talk to someone. I really do not want the police coming to he house to remove the license but then again if that is what it takes....
One more hard decision to make!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: Snorky

I think I would call them and see what it involves and explain to them. My DH still gets angry about not driving but hasn't driven for 3 years altho he still has his license and I don't know what I'll do when it comes up for renewal which is in Sept. Just let it go I guess. Even this a.m. when we got up he says,"well what are we going to do today, I can't drive so you're the know it all". This isn't said in a nice tone either. What I did, and our kids, was impress upon him we could lose everything if we were to get in an accident and he was driving, which is very true. We just can't chance that. He seemed to understand that. We had 2 cars and sold the big one(to pull the trailer)and we have quit camping. I bought a new car then and a couple months ago I took the key off his ring(which he wonders about and I don't answer)and hid it. This is such a biggggggg thing to men it seems. They just can't accept that and I know it is a male ego thing, but there comes a time!!He sleeps the whole time I'm driving anyway which he'd rather do so I think he just wants to complain about it and remind me.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: jfkoc

In OK the form filled out by the Dr asks if the patient is or is not able to drive.

I am surprised that you received a letter to come in for testing if the Dr did not think your husband should be driving. I would think their letter would be one revoking the license.

Pleas keep us posted.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: RHW

I found out yesterday that the letter he got was in response to the form I filled out and sent in. The Doctor would have sent her information to the office in Tallahassee and that would not have had time to process yet. Together the lady and I decided that we would ignore the letter and not report. I will not show or tell DH about it. When I can get a moment of privacy I will call the other number and see if they have received the information from the Dr. That should take care of it. He sould then receive a letter removing the license. Not looking forward to his reaction even though I have been telling him that it is already gone! I just keep saying that the Doctor has removed your license and he does not seem to understand that she would not have that authority. Of-course none of this prevents him from throwing a fit to drive. Today we make a trip to Tampa for lunch with friends. It will in interesting.. Pray for us!
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: lurk

I would call them. I would show him the letter. I'm certain the test involves more than just driving. Do you think he could pass the written test?

I'm sure my DH couldn't. He can barely read. And he certainly wouldn't know by the shape of a sign that it was a "caution or danger" or a "regulatory" sign or even a "slow moving vehicle".

I don't think we will make it to DH's birthday in December of this year. If it gets to be a problem, I will alert the DLV and have them send him such a letter, and it will be over except for the screaming. Please let us know--so many of us are glued to our seats waiting to hear about the ongoing saga(s). Smiler
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: meeko11

RHW I also live in Florida and it took forever for the DMV to take action. They actually said his license would be valid until the next renewal.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: meeko11

Remember me-welcome to the group. Somehow it fells better knowing that others are experiencing the same events.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM
Originally posted by: Remember Me

Hello, everyone. I am new to these discussions, although I have been following them for several weeks now. My DH was diagnosed with AD 3 months ago.

I think I may have my car painted a very girlie shade of pink. DH is such a manly man, he would never allow himself to be seen driving it. Smiler
 
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