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never thought it would end so soon
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:32 PM
Originally posted by: SusanGS

dear friend, i am sorry you are in so much pain and there are really no words that will help right now....except I LOVE YOU! get out of the house when you can and be with someone you love and trust and just talk.i promise some day soon,you will smile again
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:32 PM
Originally posted by: karencie

So sorry for your loss..
I understand the pain you are feeling. My mom passed on June 5th and for the last month she seemed to go downhill so fast. And the last 2 days were just awful, I also can remember the look on her face the last few hours and her mouth staying open, especially the look in her eyes, just a blank stare Frowner I miss her so much, I can't believe she is gone...
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:32 PM
Originally posted by: captain.joan

The looks, the sounds, the memories, will never go away. But they will dampen with time. It's only been a month &1/2 since my mom passed and already I can say some days actually feel, if not good, less miserable.

Words are inadaquet to express the pain we are suffering. Only those of us who know, really know. I wish you peace.
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:32 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463

Originally posted by: applescruff

I've been caring for my Mom these last few years and she had a stroke on June 13, 2011. They kept her in the hospital until July 7th then she came home with Hospice care and died July 11, 2011. I'm so thankful she was home and died surrounded by me and her grandchildren. But I continue to be haunted about the whole situation, why did I have her in hospital for a month fighting a feeding tube? It was horrible, then when she returned home the tube was removed and she still continued to fight it until the meds were on board, after that she slept until the end. My Mother and I were sooo close especially since my sister died 27 years ago, the three of us were terribly close and my Mother was my ROCK. She had vascular dementia and before the big stroke still had some quality of life. She enjoyed walking around her house arranging things, loved her dog, etc. I had her in ALF for a year because I had to get her moved and house sold plus I felt my Job was important , etc. The house didn't sell until later so resources for the expensive care where running out so I moved her back into her older-too-large-home that I was renting out to someone. I'm not sure she knew she was at home but seemed happy, I feel badly about decisions I made, the destruction this illness caused between my out of state brother and my relationship, moving her so much. I had just found a live in that was highly recommended and she had the stroke the first time I left her alone with the new live in help. I'm getting over the guilt, it's the pain and the void that I'm dealing with. Again, the last 3 days and last month of her precious life haunt me. There is no such thing as a beautiful gone with the wind kind of death scene in a physical sense although someone out there please reiterate to me she was at peace. This week has been hard, we buried her a week and one day ago. Most of the family left except my unemployed son, I have her loyal golden lab and I'm still here in her house. I have a month to make decisions on what to do, there is also another rental house that is free and clear. Too much is going through my mind, I have to let myself grieve but I'm lost, I wake up every morning and don't know what to do, there are notes to write, business maters to care for but all I do is cry and wonder around this big dark house. I'm depressed. Yes, I see a therapist and have been for awhile, I'm on medication but it's not enough. When will things become somewhat normal? I want to give myself the rest of the summer, maybe go on a vacation before I start working again. I'm sad, afraid and yes guilty but working on it. O.K. I'm going to try and live in the present, today is all we have, I'm still not dressed but i did eat breakfast. I'm going to survive today, friends are helping through e mail but miss my nephews and younger son, house seems so empty, not much family and I'm divorced but have good relationship with ex. WHEN WILL THE STABBING PAIN GO AWAY???? And when will I stop hearing those breathing sounds she was making at the end, the look on her face, the high fever she started running and when LVN was not here I had to administer meds and it was HORRIBLE having to give her suppositories, she didn't seem to even be alive, the way we had to turn her and how limp and pale her body was, then it took awhile for the funeral home to get here and she turned gray, I kept trying to close her mouth. I can't stop thinking about it.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:32 PM
Originally posted by: Dearie

The angels came for my mom early Resurrection Morning. She had a bad Saturday and she knew those angels were on their way. I called my son in NY and told him the Angels were coming, and he
spoke with his grandmother telling her how exciting it was that the angels were soon coming to take her to the presence of God. Mom was so happy talking with him (the only conversation she had that last day of her life).

2:30am i tried to give her liquid medicine and
she could not swallow. I took it out and settled in beside her to go to sleep, she was still able to say if she was hot or cold. We prayed and I told her those fantastic, shining
giant angels were on their way for her!!! and in less than 15 minutes, as I was drifting off to sleep, I realized she was no longer breathing. I jumped up and threw on the light and sure enough, they had come and taken her to the perfect presence of God. Ahhh her journey in this world was over and she was SAFE, I kissed her and tucked her in and went to the other bedroom and went to sleep, knowing she was SAFE at last.

This is life, as we know it. PERIOD. We did not come into this world to stay, we are all just passing thru.

My mom also went to the Lord far sooner than I imagined. Now I am picking up the pieces of my life and tho not easy, I am getting on with my life.

While mom was alive, I made sure we laughed as often as possible, now with her gone, I cry, but also remember to laugh and enjoy all the simple moments of life, and will continue to do so until God sends His angels for me!!

Applescruff, it is done, you did your best,
be pleased with your job well done!

Please know I struggle with paperwork, and everyday stuff. But I am being kinder to myself and just doing the best I can. Try it and let the happy memories fill your mind.

Many, many hugs,
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