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3+ Years After You're Gone the First Signs of Hope
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:33 PM
Originally posted by: AlphaLeah

Your father was robbed of his life.

You, my friend, were robbed of the best of your father.

We all have so much guilt. It seems to come with surviving this horrible disease.

You have taken a powerful step in posting this to release yourself from it.

I wish you the best for healing and release.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:33 PM
Originally posted by: Mimi S.

Hi Daniel's Son,
Thanks you so much for writing.
I'm glad you did.

I'd also like to read through this link ... a very different perspective. I'm reading them back to back.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:33 PM
Originally posted by: brightwings

Being so young when your father was diagnosed, your first life task was to save yourself... to find yourself, to build a self. It's what your dad--what any dad--would have wanted for you.

If there was no one to guide you or help you or listen to you or teach you--there is no way you could have understood this horrifying disease.

Have you read

Although sadly we cannot redo our past, by reading the article, by seeing all that you could have been taught or told, you can share this knowledge with others.
You will see a woman at an airport needing someone to take her husband safely to the bathroom...and they will not be invisible to you... and you will take him and help him (and your father will kvell with pleasure, "see, I know my boy.")
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:33 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463

Originally posted by: Daniel's Son

My dear father Daniel Robert Goodman was robbed of his life by Alzheimer's on January 5, 2007 after an 11 year battle with the disease. I was 16 when he was diagnosed and it has affected my life in ways that I can't even begin to comprehend. A therapist once told me that I had a lot of crying left to do. A recent experience has finally allowed me to get some of it out and to deal with some of my guilt and try move on and forgive myself.

I came upon this forum by accident, or by destiny, after an ad for played before a video. I've been on the site many times before, but was never able to get through more than a few pages without leaving. This time I found myself drawn towards these forums. I have literally spent the last 30+ minutes reading your stories and crying. It has been a liberating feeling, to just let myself go.

What is this guilt? It's time to air it publicly. Dad, I'm sorry for...

-Walking in circles while waiting for the elevator knowing that you would follow me because it made me so angry.

-Coming home from college when you were still at home and rather than spending time with you in the living room going into my bedroom, closing the door and watching tv/playing video games.

-Getting so frustrated with you when you would ask me questions that didn't make sense to me.

-I'm sorry for times like when I had graduated college and you tried to tell me how important it was for me to study and get good grades and I just got annoyed and snapped telling you that I had graduated. You were just trying to be my dad in whatever way you still understood how to.

-I'm sorry I could never bring myself to change you or take you to the bathroom or see you naked and vulnerable in that way.

-Not being there for you every single day you were sick and not taking advantage of every single precious second we had to be together.

-For staying in DC and not moving back home.

-For every single time I ever got annoyed or frustrated with you for any reason at all. It wasn't your fault and I'm sorry. I just never knew how to deal with it. I still kinda don't, but this is a start.

Every day I look up and hope and believe you are looking down on me, proud of the man I've become. I love you dad. I love you and miss you more than words can ever say. I would give anything for a time machine to spend just one more day together. I want to remember the good, but never forget the bad.

You are still my father and you are with me every moment of my life.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:33 PM
Originally posted by: brightwings

pastry girl--
So much wisdom in your words.. so beautifully and honestly expressed.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:33 PM
Originally posted by: Lisa 428

Daniel's son,

Thank you so much for your writing and expressing your feelings. It's sometimes harder to do with men.

You were a teenager than a young adult unequipped to deal with the monster called Alzheimer's disease. It robs patients and families of many things. Time is one of them.

Sometimes it feels like they have been sick for 100 years and then all of a sudden their gone!

This disease makes us all regret some of the acts and decisions we made. Let the alzheimers die with your Dad. He is at peace. Please, try to find your own.

Please, forgive yourself. You will carry your Dad in your heart always. And believe me, he knows it.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:33 PM
Originally posted by: pastrygirl

Daniel's son,
I lost mom to the terrorist AD in September of 2010. I am 50 years old and have a list not that different from yours.

No matter where we are in life, this hideous disease tries it's best to ransack our fond memories and replace them with masochistic reminders of what we did not do for our loved ones.

You, at sixteen, could not be expected to know how to handle such a devastating illness. Even those of us who are well into our "mature" years fall victim to unkind human behaviors and impatient responses because dementia sucks the life from everything in it's path.

I am not a woman of great faith any more but I do still hold the belief that once our loved ones have moved on, they can see the truth of all things. I know mom finally realizes how much she was loved and that all those little things I did or didn't do were not meant to hurt her.

Trust that your father knows how very much you love him and try to let go of the guilt.
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