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Feeling empty after Mom's passing
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: kim001

My Mom passed away on Jan.19, 2009. She had Alzheimers, Lung & Brain Cancer. The cancers were discovered 7 weeks ago- we were told then that she had 6 months. Two weeks ago she developed 3 blood clots in her leg and it was inoperable. It happened so fast that I was numb, cried alot and now feel very empty inside. At times I'm feeling guilty that I had to lie to her so much - the doctors and I felt it was best not to tell her that her illness was terminal. They tried telling her at first and she never understood the severity. She was asking my husband to buy ice hockey tickets for her 2 days before her passing. As her only caregiver for the past three years I feel guilty that I spent so much time taking care of her (finances, running errands, setting appts., etc.) that I don't remember telling her how special I thought she was. I have a 5 year old and had to divide my time between my family and my Mom. There were times that I took a 2 day break from my Mom because I just needed a break. She was best girlfriend and am feeling lost. We talked about everything and I miss her. Thank you for reading this- this message board helped me through her Alzheimers. I didn't post very much but, somehow I always felt that people cared on this board.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: KML

kim001:

I can tell you with certainty that your mom definitely knew how special she was to you...she felt and saw your love with every thing you did for her to take care of her and keep her comfortable. You know the phrase, actions speak louder than words. Your actions spoke volumes of love, she knew. When you take care of someone for a long time, that whole process becomes such an integral part of your life and when it's over, it's very natural to feel lost and out of balance. You will begin to slowly enter back into your life, you will look at yourself and feel very satisfied knowing that you did the very best for your mom, and you will be able to think of happier times with your mom. Grieving takes a very long time, so be patient with yourself and be good to yourself, don't beat yourself up with guilt even though we all do that for a spell, bottom line is you did the best anyone could do in the circumstances, you took care of your mom, loved her, and she knew it. I wish you peace in your heart.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: Lisa 428

Dear Kim001,
I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mom. I think it is pretty normal feeling lost after spending so much time with her and after all, she was YOUR MOM. Please, don't feel guilty about anything. You were a wonderful daughter and caregiver to you Mom. She was luck to have a wonderful, caring daughter. We're all human and not perfect. Taking breaks from caregiving is a necessity. That's what keeps us sane.
Please, call the AD helpline @ 800-272-3900. There are professionals there to help and guide you. Perhaps it's time to join and AD support group?
Please, come here often and let us know how you are doing.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: Lori1955

Sweetie, feeling lost is perfectly normal. Not only have you lost someone you loved but you have also lost a part of yourself. Your days were so full of caregiving that it became a part of you. That part just doesn't know what to do now. This will take time, don't try to rush it. We will be here for you to help if we can.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: momsbestfriend

I too just lost my mother...on January 19 as well. I feel numb and very empty. She was my best friend and I too have young children at home. Very hard and agonizing splitting your time between them. I understand and I am so sorry for your loss.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: ChrisR3

My dad passes this past Sunday and about 3 posts up is where someone said--the varegiving side of me that was there all the time doesn't know what to do now..Thats how I feel that there is a big part of me running around behind in my brain that won't stop. I know thats what it is . I just hope it finds something else to settle in on .After this weekend I'll go home and spend time with my 10yr old daughter who I havn't really seen but a handful of times in the last 4 months.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: quarterlady

I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept prayers for your peace and well being. love, marion
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: Sarahsdaughter

Remember that you are not alone. Even though we are all miles away from each other, there are many more that are going through what you are now. I lost my mom in 2007, and each day I miss her as much as the days before.
The only advice I can give you is to live each day for yourself and for those that are still alive. Be grateful for what you have done; it is common to look at the what if's and what could have done better's that you'll waste your life away. You were there when it was important. Your entire life shared with your mom is a testament of love. She knows it now as she always did. Trust and believe. She was lucky to have you.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: Lammie

Watching my mom die was the hardest thing I ever did, yet I am glad I was there. Just waves of anguish crashing down as I stayed by her side the last 28 hours of her life. It's hard, losing a loved one. You are very special person for caring for your mother. You did the best you could and I know she appreciated it.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: lunchmeat

I feel a little comforted reading your posts. I have 4 kids ranging in age from 9 years to 9 months. My mom lived with us and died here on Jan. 20. I feel that emptiness, darkness, and it is hitting hard today especially. I have tried getting up but have no patience with the kids today, which of course, only makes me feel worse. I want to get out but I don't know where. I just want to stay by the computer and this message board where at least I don't feel so alone.
 
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