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When is enough, enough?
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: captain.joan

My mom died June 11, 2011 after a 6 year battle with AD. She is finally at rest and peace, and is free of this awful disease. I thought I was doing pretty well. So well if fact that I asked my therapist for a list of the signs of depression for my husband. Because if I was getting depressed again, I wouldn't know it. And I asked my Dr. to lower my anti-depressents. How can I grieve if I'm always doped up.

Good in theory. But Saturday 4;30am my husband wakes me up in intense pain. He had been vomitting and heaving half the night and finally decided it was time to get help. He was so sick that he didn't even notice when I went through 3 red lights!

It turns out he has many large gall stones. He thinks he is a healthy man but his diet is terrible, he lives a very sedentry lifestyle. He has never had general anesthesia before and he's no spring chicken.

They are due to operate this morning but no one has told me when. I'm a bundle of nerves and just want to have my mom comfort me, but, sigh, she's not here anymore.

How much more am I supposed to handle before I pop? Well I guess I'll find out today. If anything happens to my man, I will be lost. He has helped me so much with taking care of my mom and all the stuff that comes after. What will I do without him?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: Carolina Songbird

Praying that August is filled with hope and healing...
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: soledad

Oh, Joan, I´m so sorry to hear this!!

I´ve checked this thread lately just to check up on you and was going to post something today on grieving -- now this!

I´m sure he´ll be alright, I´ll be thinking that, sending up positive thoughts, until you´re able to post again to tell us how the surgery went. Gallstones are pretty common, they should be able to remove them safely. Your karma is too good for anything bad to happen!

From day one of joining this forum, pretty much, you became an inspiration for me, a model of devotion and strength.

I was going to write, because of your previous posts about how grief stricken you still feel over your mother´s passing, that you should give yourself time -- in large quantities.

We rush everything too much nowadays. And I have mixed feelings about anti-depressants in a situation such as yours too. If someone is suicidal, not eating, completely collapsed, that´s another story.

But common depression linked to grief is something you need to FEEL, to go through, to sink into even, for more than a few days or weeks.

People used to be expected to grieve for a year, or at least several months. They were not expected to "bounce back" or "soldier on". The curtains would be shut, the house quiet, no social outings, few if any visitors, the one grieving dressed in black...

None of which I´m recommending! It´s just that these days in our society we don´t give grief its due sometimes and I don´t think that´s healthy.

But now you´ve been jolted up by a health crisis affecting your husband. I hope there are no complications whatsoever, not even the most minor and that he ends up taking better care of himself when it´s all over. You too -- take very good care of yourself and don´t rush anything. Let time do the work, just give yourself time.... Wishing all the best for your husband.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: heart

Hello my dear friend Joan,
I hope by now your DH is resting comfortably minus his gallstones. I also hope they were able to do it with minimally invasive surgery for a quicker painfree recovery. You have been the pillar of strength during your mom's battle and now you have received a scare for your DH. Your worry,panic,and concerns are all very legitimate. As he has been your rock, you too are his and you are right now there for him. I hope his drs have reassured you and put you more at ease by now and that the procedure is over and DH is healing. As for you, I hope you will relax,rest,and also heal. The loss of your mom was a big hit on you and it will take much time. It will come,but never as fast as we would like. Your DH will heal as well and you will both continue to be there for one another. You will always have all of us to come to whenever you need us. You have always been there for so many of us. We wholeheartedly are there for you. Let us know how your DH is, and GBU.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: SueGall

So glad he is doing better, and that you made it through, too. They say God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but sometimes I think he has too much confidence in us Wink

Hang in there, and I hope he improves every day.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: captain.joan

Hubby is home in bed. It was worse than they first thought and the dr. said I was right in insisting it be done NOW. It was minimally invasive. He has 4 bandaids, A big one on his belly button and three regular ones all over his belly.

I have lots of practice at being a care giver. But this time I KNOW my patient will get better. It's a totally different feeling.

I am strong, I can handle this. But I wonder what's in store for me in August?
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: VKB

Cap. Joan,

Glad your husband is doing better.

Your first message made me remember how often when things get tough, I wish I had my mother again. I have made friends with one of my mother's friends, and she helps to fill the empty space just a little.

God's Peace, Veronica
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:37 PM
Originally posted by: soledad

So glad everything went well!! People do sometimes get into big trouble by ignoring the pain of gallstones.

August will be a month for quiet reflection and occasional barbecues and sleeping in and....summer. Nothing bad will happen. You have had enough for now.
 
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