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Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463
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Originally posted by: sf
Today I ventured into our garage, honestly I don't go out there often. I was appalled to see that my DH was saving our garbage. He puts cans out on Monday and Wednesday, and apparently they've been at the curb empty. Today I gathered it all up while he was in the shower and put it at the curb. An hour later I saw him putting it back in the garage, so I asked him to help me put it at the curb. To make a long story short, we went back and forth over three hours - in and out in and out. Our neighbors must have been falling down laughing, I vacillated between wanting to scream or laughing myself. Thank God its not summer, although the smell would have alerted me sooner. Has anyone else seen this type of hoarding (?) behavior. Any solutions?
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Originally posted by: Rkg
sf, sadly this is yet another, (honey do) that you must take over, in part or completely. Take out the trash with him, guide him thru the process at least for as long as he can. Personally I wouldn't call it hoarding, but more just sheer confusion on what to do.
My Dh didn't have the "Garbage out" confusion as a way of hoarding but just confused and roll it back in on his way back up the drive. 
I would catch it right away so no trash accumulation here. But like so many task that they had did in the past, they become our tasks.  as this journey progresses.
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Originally posted by: JAB
quote: Our neighbors must have been falling down laughing
I don't know about them, but I was. 
We have three types of garbage here -- unrecyclable, recyclable, and "greens" (grass and bush clippings etc). Unrecyclables are collected every week, the others on alternate weeks.
Taking out the trash was always my husband's job, and of course, I didn't want to take away one of the things he could still do from him. I tried everything to get the right garbage into the right containers. I'd remind him where something went when he took it outside, I'd watch to make sure that he put it where it belonged. I still kept getting complaints from the garbagemen ... it turned out he was consolidating the trash into one container before taking the containers to the street. I'd keep an eye on him to make sure he wasn't doing that, and satisfy myself that each container contained its own trash ... he'd go outside later on to do the consolidation.
Our containers are quite tall -- you can't reach down inside and get anywhere near the bottom -- so to re-sort the trash, I'd have to lay the containers on their sides and crawl in.
So, darlin', I think I've provided my fair share of neighborhood entertainment, too.
OK. Now. I don't know if you have room, but one thing might be to keep the garbage cans in the garage until it's garbage day. He might feel better about leaving the garbage in them.
And then, perhaps a kind neighbor could simply move the garbage cans to the street, so your husband doesn't even know they're being moved? Or perhaps you can move them just before pickup, and then keep him otherwise occupied?
Or can you lock the garage door once the garbage cans are at the curb?
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Originally posted by: lurk
You need help. I don't remember if you have told us what support you have. Do you have children near by? Is there someone he trusts who could come in last minute on garbage day and clear it out--big, strong guys?
I know others will give you more thoughtful, caring responses; I just have a hard time being patient with this type of problem--not that I would know how to handle it. I couldn't even control my husband's sending money to scammers. Anyway, I think you can't do it by yourself. Who can help?
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Originally posted by: jfkoc
I was laughing so hard I almost forgot to take the garbage out. What are they going to do next!
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Originally posted by: Dorinne
Oh my garsh, I thought I was the only one going through this!!! 
Three cans, blue recycle, green yard, gray household, he was getting so confused. I just took it over but for a moment I thought maybe he was going colored blind, really.  I have done the crawl inside the can game.
One day they had emptyed one can, and I asked him if he could bring it in, we were out front.
He could not understand that you have to still leave the full ones at the street. Yes, I usually wait tell they are all empty.
He said "I know how to do this I have done it for years" as he was wheeling the full garbage back up the drive. 
That's when I took it over. 
Gota love em.
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Originally posted by: ipoe
I had to laugh at these comments about the garbage..i know it isn't funny, but it is,if you know what i mean. i take my yard tools out to use them and if i lay something down, like a rake, or the weed eater or the leaf blower, i turn around and it's gone..he has put it up..going in and out doors is another thing. he goes out one door and comes back in leaves the door open and i shut it. then the other door he goes out and comes back in and i have to shut it. but at night, he will lock the doors. dog toys, he picks them up and i put them down again and next thing i know he picks them up again..like i said, if it wasn't so sad, it would be funny. still we have to laugh sometimes..what would we do if we didn't once in a while?
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Originally posted by: sf
I like the idea of getting it all together and putting it out just before the garbage men arrive. You're all right in that this was a chore my DH husband did, one I'll now pick up. Not exactly sure why he couldn't part with it, there were even bags in the garage refrigerator. I guess he just couldn't remember what to do with it. Considering that I didn't have to crawl into the can like JAB, I now consider myself a lucky woman. Thanks guys.
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Originally posted by: Darlene06
I understand complately, Since my husband was DX 5 years ago. He doesn't do any of the things he use to do. In fact a couple of months ago he very seriously looked right at me and said(I didn't think I had to work any more.) refering to helping me with the yard work. He sets in front of the tv & channel surfs. He does go to a Day Program 6 hours a day for 5 daysa week. It helps a lot. We'll be married 35 years Feb 14. Its been a long rd. But with the good Lord We'll be ok. Darlene Swanville,Maine
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Originally posted by: Dorinne
So many things our LOs have difficulty with in common.
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Originally posted by: sf
You're right sometimes you just have to laugh. I had my computer plugged in in the family room charging and when I came back to it the charger was missing. I looked high and low for a solid week and couldn't find it. During the search I did however find my ipod which has been missing since last June. You just have to smile. A door closes a window opens, just had to buy a new charger.
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Originally posted by: lurk
Did I tell you before that I got things out to make potato soup and had to leave for a minute. When I returned everything was put away, and he was trying to get the large pot into the cabinet. It was such a shock. Big bag of potatoes gone from the cabinet. I didn't know this was a "normal" thing. He did this before AD, but not as much. Ah well, it won't last forever.
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Originally posted by: sveti
Thanks guys, I really needed a good laugh.
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Originally posted by: Starling
Yes, the gadget has been gone for over 6 months now. Possibly a full year at this point. And it has not turned up and I doubt if it will.
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Originally posted by: Dorinne
Oh yes, another game, missing wastebasket.  When he used to take it out it never come back to the kitchen. It would show up in the
garage.
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Originally posted by: JAB
You absolutely sure the tape dispenser is in one of the boxes, Starling?
We have some "recycling" wastebaskets in the house, to make it easier to keep the trash separate. One day, the day after my husband had taken the garbage out, I noticed one of the wastebaskets was missing. I looked high and low, inside and out, and couldn't find it anywhere. The trash had already been picked up, so I figured he'd simply dumped the wastebasket into the garbage container along with the recyclables it contained, and I could kiss it goodbye.
Two weeks later, he came wandering through the house, wastebasket in tow. He couldn't remember where he'd found it, so I'll never know...
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Originally posted by: Starling
No, everyone goes through this. In my husband's case he came up with specific ways each item of garbage or recycling had to be packaged before it could go out. During the last 6 months he was home I took over more and more of the job until I was doing it alone.
Then there was the 7 foot long box that had originally belonged to a Christmas tree that he filled with cardboard and finally took out after 6 months of collecting cardboard in it in the garage. The garbage men refused to even pick the thing up. One of the last recycling things he did was to cut the box apart in three sections, taping each section into a "box" of its own. In the process he buried the gadget that dispenses packing tape in one of the box sections. I haven't seen it since. It took me three weeks to get rid of those three "boxes".
...[sigh]...
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Originally posted by: Jim Broede
Look at it this way. Going back and forth with the garbage is good exercise. For both of you. And nice comic relief for the neighbors. Enjoy the experience. --Jim
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Originally posted by: jfkoc
Come on over...we probably have 7-8 of them by now!!! I still can not fine one when needed.
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Originally posted by: lurk
For the past year I have not been allowed to throw any weeds, twigs, etc., into the big garbage can. I have to put them in the little garbage can in the black bag as they will get all over the street when the garbage man empties the large garbage can into the truck.
Before he went into a NH, my neighbor used to carefully check each neighbor's garbage, sometimes taking garbage from one can and putting it into another. So maybe it is a man thing.
Another thing the neighbor did was to take his wheelbarrow to a neighbor's house to help them move the big pile of dirt from their front yard. (They had just had it delivered for a landscaping job.) The 80-year old lady came running out of the house to demand to know what he was doing, and he happily told her he was helping her. There was a standoff between two 80 year olds, but she prevailed, and he took his empty wheelbarrow back home. So much fun.
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Originally posted by: Be Strong 2
A friend of mine had a neighbor with AD.
He would pick up all the neighbors' empty recycling bins from the curb. The friend told him that they all needed their bins. The AD neighbor said, "Well, I need them too," and into his garage they went. He had several sets in the garage and many of the neighbors were wondering where they had gone.
Oh, well, hopefully it's a man thing so I won't have that problem with DW. She has started asking if the plastic water bottles should go into the garbage or be recycled. We've been recycling for years so this is a new thing.
Bob 
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Originally posted by: Becky Jane
Not quite that bad here yet, but I can see that we are getting there. I had an empty box which I was going to take out to my recycle box in the garage and I found it in his "hoarder's room". He "saved it because it had the year 2010 on it!!!!
quote: Originally posted by sf:
Today I ventured into our garage, honestly I don't go out there often. I was appalled to see that my DH was saving our garbage. He puts cans out on Monday and Wednesday, and apparently they've been at the curb empty. Today I gathered it all up while he was in the shower and put it at the curb. An hour later I saw him putting it back in the garage, so I asked him to help me put it at the curb. To make a long story short, we went back and forth over three hours - in and out in and out. Our neighbors must have been falling down laughing, I vacillated between wanting to scream or laughing myself. Thank God its not summer, although the smell would have alerted me sooner. Has anyone else seen this type of hoarding (?) behavior. Any solutions?
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