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I'm hurting
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: Jim Broede

Unfortunately, Cloudspn, you are talking about the nature of too many human relationships. Something less than acceptance and trust. It’s an affliction that goes way beyond Alzheimer’s. We humans have difficulty fully accepting each other. As we are. So we try to change the other. Rather than accept. Instead, it might be better to focus on changing ourselves. To be more accepting. More understanding. Then you would hurt less. --Jim
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: cloudspn

I'm leaving my DH for a week, it's an annual trip with girlfriends, I've done for 20 years. He is accusing me of the boyfriend over and over at night , during the day etc. Yet he is totally functional otherwise.
Seems like he does it on purpose to get back at me for daring to get away. I know he wants me tied to him like a pet bird. Now he says the boyfriend will meet me on the trip.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: cloudspn

quote:
Originally posted by Jim Broede:
Unfortunately, Cloudspn, you are talking about the nature of too many human relationships. Something less than acceptance and trust. It’s an affliction that goes way beyond Alzheimer’s. We humans have difficulty fully accepting each other. As we are. So we try to change the other. Rather than accept. Instead, it might be better to focus on changing ourselves. To be more accepting. More understanding. Then you would hurt less. --Jim
I don't understand Jim. how can I understand his distrust of me? How can I say, "Yes, I have a man in bed with me at night while we sleep together"? What do you mean I should change? Everyday I worry and cater to him like a good person should.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: lurk

Cloudspn, dear, just do it. Be extra nice and sweet to him before and after, clamp your teeth shut and (virtually) stick you fingers in your ears when he rants--and have a most wonderful time. We're happy for you (and jealous, of course.) Smiler
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: cloudspn

quote:
Originally posted by lurk:
Cloudspn, dear, just do it. Be extra nice and sweet to him before and after, clamp your teeth shut and (virtually) stick you fingers in your ears when he rants--and have a most wonderful time. We're happy for you (and jealous, of course.) Smiler
I'm doing just that Lurk. My son promised to look in on him and of course I will phone him a lot! I have stayed in all winter while he skied every Sunday. Not that I should compare as it doesn't work with him, LOL.
Thanks
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: shearbear

I know you will have a awesome time. Hugs.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: cloudspn

quote:
If your husband is suffering from such severe delusions about your having a boyfriend, is he is a stage where it's safe to leave him alone with just phone calls and your son looking in on him? I don't know the answer to this -- but usually someone this confused and upset needs a lot of supervision and -- asap -- more medical attention.

It may not be safe. He will even be running our business while I'm away.He seems fine other than the boyfriend thing so I'm taking this chance.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: cloudspn

quote:
Originally posted by shearbear:
I know you will have a awesome time. Hugs.
Thanks Shearbear, as I know, you know what it is like to be tared and feathered, despite constant caring.
I know it is the dementia but difficult none the less.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: Cathy J. M.

I'm confused. April 9 you wrote "How was he when you returned? I'm tempted to leave my husband to do things on my own but I know he won't like that."

If your husband is suffering from such severe delusions about your having a boyfriend, is he is a stage where it's safe to leave him alone with just phone calls and your son looking in on him? I don't know the answer to this -- but usually someone this confused and upset needs a lot of supervision and -- asap -- more medical attention.

I may be way off base on this; but if your husband's delusions are from his Alzheimer's, then I think he needs attention from his brain specialist. Sometimes these things pass on their own, but not always.

Last fall I noticed that my partner's fears / convictions that I was having an affair were much heightened if I was away doing errands. Once I went to a doctor's appt. in a nearby city and since I was already there, stayed and did some shopping for two or three hours. Not a good move!

After that I was careful to take my partner with me to doctor's appts. and shopping excursions for quite a while till she was completely over this delusion. Now I'm able to go for two or three hours without her thinking I'm off having an affair, but it took a long time to get to this point.

While I was gone, our paid caregiver was always with her. So she had someone to reassure her that I loved her and wouldn't have an affair. But it made a big positive difference to my partner for me to give her no chance to worry.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:39 PM
Originally posted by: Dorinne

Cloudspn,

As long as he is safe, GO and have a great time. I wish it was me. He will be fine.

Like children, sometimes they do something for attention, if you are not there, he won't do it, because he can't get your attention.

Sometimes I think we tend to spoil them, and rightfully so.
 
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