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I wish I had been allowed to say goodbye
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:41 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463

Originally posted by: TXAdoptee

35 yrs ago when I was just 13 yrs old my adopted parents divorced. I went to live with my adopted dad when my mother got remarried to the man that had spent the past 7 yrs plotting with her to distroy my family.

As an adopted child losing another mother in this manner was not an easy thing to deal with. And when he refused to allow her to be even a part-time Mom to me it drove a wedge even deeper between her and I.

10 yrs ago she came back into my life by chance. Getting older and feeling gulity for being absent from my life I jumped at the chance to welcome her back into it. By then I had 3 children of my own, that she barely knew and a grandson of my own that she was finally able to meet.

Yet it was so short lived. Her husband had not changed his agenda, getting me out of her life became a hobby of his that he refused to give up.

I spent the next 8 yrs on pins and needles never knowing when the day would come until he shut me out again permanantly.

3 yrs ago Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers and he took complete control from day one. Her medical care, her daily life became his domain. I was lucky to have 1 hr alone with her from then on.

She was put on so many meds some I was sure just made things worse. Heavy doses of antidepresants, along with Namenda, Aricept and several others...I lost count. Within a yr she was in an Alzheimers ward a locked usnit and I was only allowed to see her 1 day a week for an hour.

I lived over 100 miles away and when the gas prices went sky high I was lucky to have that. I was not allowed to see her living quarters, he had me banned from the area, I could not take her out for any outings, and was never allowed 1 minute alone with her, that is except one time, it would be the last time I ever saw her.

The next weekend my 31 yr old dauighter died and my life went into a tailspin of depression and anxiety attacks. Long car rides were out, I couldn't handle the traffic, not that it would have done me anygood anyway. He found out about my one time alone with her and moved her to another residence and refused to tell me where.

I read her obituary that May 6th, right before Mother's Day, my first without my daughter and now with out my Mom. I was devastated.

Her sisters even helped him do it "claiming he was her husband and it was what he wanted"...I was her daughter, her only child, the betrayal was more then I could take.

I was an orphan again, nobody's child anymore, alone with my pain, no one to care.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:41 PM
Originally posted by: Steph7

So very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in Sept. and the grief is still overwhelming. I can only imagine how you feel about losing a daughter as well as your mom. Losing a parent is a natural order of events in this life; it doesn't minimize the pain because a loss is a loss, but losing a daughter......
So very sorry for what you've been through and are still going through. As I was seeking information on grieving, I came across a web site that dealt mostly with people who have lost their children. Perhaps you won't feel so lonely if you connect with others who are suffering in the same manner. The web site is May God comfort you and grant you peace.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:41 PM
Originally posted by: Lisa 428

TX adoptee,
I'm sooo sorry for your losses! Try to remember that you were loved and adopted!! Loss is so difficult! Please try to remember the good times and good memories. They will help you get through all this.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:41 PM
Originally posted by: Jena

TX Adoptee,
I lost my mother two years ago and I know how you feel . I was not adopted , my heart goes out to you . Their is a web site that I think could help you a lot and you can call and someone will talk with you .
Please check this site out . I hope this will help you it has helped me heal the lost of my mom she was 94yrs old and died of Alz and lost my dad at the age of 63yrs of cancer and I too feel like an orphan now . You are not alone and please come on here to talk with us and even on the chat we can help
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