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Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone
The days after....
Yesterday my brother, my husband and I went to arrange mom's funeral service. Everything was paid for since my parents had chosen their mausoleum at this place that also has a funeral home.
When we finished I had to make so many calls to friends and family to let them know. Since the service is not until Saturday and we need to wait for family to arrive from out of town on Friday, I told my husband I didnt want to stay around for these two days waiting for Saturday to come around, so we left the South Florida area and found ourselves a hotel on the beach about an hr north.
I want to look at and smell the ocean. I want to hear the waves crashing. For me that is a relaxing sound. Yes, I had many calls to make and go over the same story and listen to the many "it was best for her", "she is at peace now", etc etc etc. But then I would go back to my relaxing sound from the ocean. I sat in the balcony yesterday and all I did was look at the ocean. My husband likes to sleep in, so today I am up early waiting to watch the sunrise, since we are facing east, It will be a beautfil sight to watch.
I know mom and dad are with me because I feel them in my heart. I carry their memories in me and I can enjoy them in my private thoughts. I asked my mom before she passed to send me a sign that they are okay.
So on Friday we will head back to South Florida to meet up with family, on Saturday we will place my mom's body in the mausoleum with dad and then head north to go back home. That is when reality sets in. That is when you realize it is over.
It will feel strange not to have to worry about mom anymore. Not to look at the clock to see when is a good time to call the ALF to see how mom is doing. Even yesterday we had lunch in Cracker Barrel on our way to this beach area and I saw so many beautiful pullovers I could buy for mom. Mom had close to if not more than 80 beautiful blouses and pullovers because over the yrs I would buy them for her whenever I saw something I knew she would like. I loved to pamper her because she loved getting gifts. Her beautiful blue eyes would light up and she would smile whenever she saw that I bought her something.
I miss you mom. I miss you dad. I know you are in a much better world, but I will still miss having you around.
SadInHeart, how beautiful. I'm so glad you've posted about the days after. Your missing your mom and dad, your relief for your mom's freedom from pain and reunion with you dad, getting used to not checking the clock for a good time to call, and the beautiful pullovers you've given her. I'm glad you can enjoy memories in your private thoughts. How special, and how very important.
My mom's memorial is this Saturday. I am thinking of you and praying for you.
Bless you both for the love and care you gave your dear ones. You have earned your rest, and a future remembering only the good times, the special smiles, the warm hugs. The physical, mental, and emotional pain is over for them, now it is time for you to take care of YOU. Mend your hearts and minds, dear ones. All that time, love and care you poured out for them can now be channeled to those that had to be set aside for the duration. Grab all the joy you can get, and be at peace knowing your job was well done. (((((many, many hugs))))