It has only been three weeks since Georgia passed. I haven't mourned her nearly as much as I thought I would. I feel relief that God has taken her and that she is in heaven. That she is the bright, beautiful and intelligent girl I married 45 years ago. I feel guilty about this. But I feel like I lost her years ago to the awful disease.

Don't get me wrong. I grieve and I am very lonesome. I cry over the least little thing. I had to quit my diary and put all the photos, movies and documentation away, for now. I have to fill my days with things to do to keep my mind off of it. Slowly catching up on things I have been putting off for the last couple of years. Visiting friends and relatives that had deserted me when Georgia was really bad. They are supporting me now. They all have excuses why they didn't help but it boils down to the fact that it was so depressing that they didn't want to be around her. I forgive them. They call me now and invite me over again. They are great support. I feel loved again.

I sometimes wonder why this disease has such a negative effect on even our closest friends and relatives. But I was the same way until it was my turn to experience it. It was a lonely, horrible experience. But an experience that I am proud of. I promised her I would take care of her and I did.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Jim

Dear Jim -- I am so sorry for your loss.  Your wife was very lucky to have you with her on this long, sad journey.  

I understand that you felt abandoned while caring for your wife.  Every situation is different, but I think some friends want to give the family and LO privacy as they go through the stages of AD.  In my experience, the visits from friends dropped off as the disease progressed, but the closest friends and relatives still came. 

Please be gentle with yourself as you go through the grieving process.  With heartfelt condolences from afar...

Jim,

My mama is in her final stages of ALZ.  Last night I told my DH that taking care of my daddy (who passed last March) & still taking care of my mama has been the greatest HONOR I have ever had. And yes I did it alone.  God Bless you Jim.