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Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum
Just need to talk to my friends(1)
Well, it's February. Maybe this will be a better month for us that January was. It couldn't be much worse.
It's cloudy here this morning, not too cold - about 40 - but the north wind is howling so the wind chill is low. Supposed to get colder as the day goes on. Today is the day I'm supposed to feed the girls but if it's not sunny by afternoon, I'll wait until tomorrow.
For some reason, today is a hard day for me. I reread the posts from the middle of last month and maybe that's part of it. I'm so grateful for all of you and humbled by all your wonderful posts showing concern and love for both Ray and I. We are, indeed, like a family. Although we've never met, we're close.
catlady, I hate the word "widow", too, with all my heart. The first time either I said it or someone I was talking to on the phone said it, I literally broke down. It still doesn't take much for that to happen. I have to try to get out of this feeling though because I know Ray wouldn't want me to be like this. He's say "it's all right, I'm fine now, we'll be together again and I'm there watching over you for now".
He wasn't the type to let things bother him too much. I think I did the worrying for both of us - thus, my gray hair and his still, mostly dark brown hair. Maybe he did worry and it just didn't show. I tend to show my emotions. Maybe because he was part Indian he didn't so much.
catlady, as you know Ray and I didn't have children either so I'm alone here except for some cousins, all my age and older and not in good health. I'm sure Ray's sister, especially will keep in touch. His brother doesn't like to talk on the phone, just like Ray.
I also find it very hard to go places where we enjoyed going. I won't be eating out, at least, until my friends are better (one with the flu and another in an auto accident and in rehab for goodness knows how long). But, there's WM, where he loved to go. I won't be going there much - and McDonalds. I can do without that completely.
I'll call about the puppy today but may wait until Spring. He needs more attention than I'd probably be able to give right now - but, again, he'd be a comfort to me - I could keep him in the house for a while. I remember how happy I felt when I first saw Prince. See, I can't even make decisions now. I guess that goes with the territory.
I'm so sorry for this sad post. February is a new month and we should look forward to it. Spring is coming along with new life. If our warm weather continues it won't be too long before daffodils, tulips and roses start blooming. I also need to cut back the clematis so they'll be pretty this summer.
I may make some potato soup today - or not. I froze most of the vegetable soup.
Leanne - I'm glad your night out turned out well. Is it something that you'll do often?
I'd kind of like to take a class in tai chi or even yoga if there was one nearby. My SIL in Texas goes during the spring and summer and thoroughly enjoys it. Several years ago they had a series of classes on Tai Chi on TV and I recorded them but I don't have my VCR hooked up. Maybe I'll look into that. I do remember that after the first class or two I was so very sore - using muscles I wasn't used to using.
I've just watched the men's finals of the Australian Open and I'll watch the Super Bowl later today. Ray and I watched sports on TV all the time - not the same watching alone though.
Everyone, try to have a good Sunday. I'll be back later today.
Well another month has started. Today is my Birthday (64) I feel so old and depressed. Bill doesn't buy gifts nor my sons. It is just another day older living with this terrible disease. Bill is off his Alz meds and most of his depression meds. He is not falling around now and I keep him as clam as possible so he can have good days.
Lorita you will know when the time is right to get a new dog. There is no need to hurry with any decisions.
Have a good day all.
Happy Birthday, dear Shirley,
You've been such a dear friend to me over the years, I do wish I was close enough to celebrate your birthday with you. We could have some good times. Shirley, you're still a young lady - I'll be 73 in June - now, that is old.
I'm glad Bill is doing fairly well off his meds. I always tried to keep things as calm as I could with Ray, too, but occasionally we would have an outburst. I always told him that we argued but we always knew we loved each other anyway - and we did.
I know what you mean about birthdays and any holidays. For the last two or three years Ray didn't realize there was anything special about the days. I'd tell him and he'd forget in a little while so for us, too, it was just another day.
Maybe you can make yourself a birthday cake - or pie. That's what I always did until the last few years. I can't remember the last time I made a cake. I'd have to eat the whole thing, now, if I did, and I certainly don't need that.
Again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHIRLEY!!!!!
Dear Shirley-- I hope you have a happy birthday on this dreary day - enjoy a special treat for yourself, maybe some chocolate ?
myDan was never good at birthdays or any other holiday celebration- even before the disease took his brain . I got used to it, sometimes I'd just make a celebration on my own and maybe let him participate- haha.
Lorita- I think I have only actually said the word "widow" once- I just can't get my head around it yet.
I looked up yoga classes this morning- yikes, it was expensive. I have a DVD but it's not the same. I'm thinking of going tomorrow to the senior aquatics center ( all indoors) and signing up for some water aerobics, I can do that 3 times a week for 6 months for $99- that seems reasonable. They say exercise is good for depression , releases endorphins or something like that.
Do you start a new post at the first of every month? that's a great idea, I was beginning to wonder how many pages we would get up to. I'm sure I have missed information trying to read over all the past pages for January-
Big (((hugs))) Shirley and hopes for a nice birthday-
I hope the water aerobics works out for you. It wouldn't for me - I can't swim. I do have a friend who will be 91 in April. She has pretty bad arthritis and goes to the local Y to swim three times a week. She loves it and says if she doesn't get to go her arthritis is much worse.
I try to start a new volume each month but way back when we first started this thread, I didn't and it got really hard to get to the end - was getting that way this time. We had so much activity during January with all our losses and problems. This volume says #1 - I sent them an e-mail to see why - should be #16. I went back to the thread for January and reread some of it. I'd love to copy some of it but just too long. Everyone was so extremely nice and thoughtful to me and the others ladies who lost their loved ones this past month.
That's a word I'm going to avoid. It makes me cry - guess it brings home the reality of it all.
I hope the water aerobics works out for you - or you could come and help me feed the cows and sit up nights during calving season. Wouldn't it be nice if we all lived closer together and could do things like that?
I think today is going to be another lounging day in bed. It's very windy from the north here today and even though we have new windows and insulation it's much warmer in the bedroom on the south side. Hope no one shows up (rarely do) because I just have on Ray's red fleece pullover and my thermal underwear pants.
Hi again, Shirley,
I wanted to post a reply to you and your post came up so I deleted it on the message space - hope it didn't delete it on the thread.
I just wanted to tell you how beautiful those roses are on your avatar. Is it a picture you found or are they your roses?
Last fall I posted a picture of the most beautiful Queen Elizabeth Rose (last rose of the summer). Do you all known the petals are still on that rose - dried up and hanging down but they're still there. There's also some new growth on the bush. I'm anxiously awaiting new roses.
Sandy - all your snow has come to western PA - a good 12 inches and still snowing. I didn't try to go to see Jim today - roads are terrible.
There have been so many losses this past year. I just makes me realize that there are no happy endings coming my way either. When I saw Jim yesterday, it was late afternoon, and he was sundowning badly. I usually go late mornings, so I hadn't seen that for a while. He doesn't know where he is or why, got his restraint belt open and tried to stand up (He hasn't been able to stand or walk since June.). He thought our son was his grandson - he's just totally lost in dementia. Our out-of-state son called, and I cried to him. This is so terrible for me, but it has to be so awful for him. This is the tenth year of his illness, although there were signs of it before that. Now he can't walk, is in diapers, eating (or not eating) pureed food. He can't string together a coherent sentence, has no memory at all. Jim was a tall handsome guy who was extremely intelligent. He was an electrical and then nuclear engineer. He had an amazing sense of humor, and that's all gone. He wants me to take him home, but he doesn't know where that is. And he yells.
I didn't mean to sound so self-pitying, but this is a blue weekend for me. Sometimes I just need to vent a little. Sorry. Carolyn
Hello from sunny, single-digit northern NH! Just got dug out from Fri. snow and expecting another tonight!
Linda Dee, Glad to hear you are feeling better! Bath and Body Works Kitchen Lemon antibac hand soap works on fish smell!
Joan, Happy all is going well for you and Harv! What a relief!
Happy Birthday to Shirley! Congrats to Hhelen on the new home! Sandy, sorry to hear you are buried in snow too!
Leanne, glad you are getting out a bit! Hope all of you girls do the same! I am well-versed in eating out alone, and just being by myself as my exH was an over-the-road trucker. Spent 10 yrs of seeing him only 2 or 3 days a month, so I got to be really good company for me! It does come with time - sometimes too much though, as I had a hard time adjusting to having a full-time husband this go round - LOL!
Wishing all as great a day as possible! Hugs, Twink
Just about time for the game. I decided even though it is as cold as kraut I'd feed the girls so they'd have something besides hay and liquid feed in their tummies tonight. I swear they can tell time. I was very quiet going out the backdoor and as I came around the house, they were going toward the barn (I feed behind the barn but they go through the corral}. Charm was, of course, going into the barn for her feed.
It only took me about 20 minutes to feed the cats and the cows. Part of that time was spent chasing the tarpaulin that blew off the feed on the PU. I saw everyone and they're okay. Charm and two little ones were in the barn so I went back and fed them.
Carolyn, I'm sorry you're feeling down today. This darn disease does that to all of us if we just think about it. There's no way out but we have to not think about that. Maybe Jim will be better tomorrow when you go. Maybe it's best that you do go in the mornings and that way you don't see the sundowning (bad thing).
w/e, I've munched all day. I think after while I'll make a cheese sandwich, open some pork and beans and eat some more fritos. The bed has been full today of me, Barclee and cats - only four of us on the bed now. The baby one (Tico) is cuddled up with Barclee.
Does anyone remember who won the Super Bowl last year? From what I just heard maybe it was the Seahawks. I like them but my team, The Ravens, didn't make it this year. I hope the commercials are really good this year - I always like the one with the Budweiser horses.
Tomorrow is trash day and I hate to get out so early but I have bills to mail so I'll get out and feed cats and take it down before 9:30. Remember, Doc Martin tonight. I missed it last Sunday so had to watch Thursday night.
I hope everyone enjoys the game. If you don't like or understand football, maybe the commercials will be worth the time spent watching.
I feel somewhat better after being out in the cold air. Now, Twink wouldn't think it was cold here and compared to NH it isn't.
I did call about the GP puppies. They're all gone - BUT, she said the mom was in heat last week so a new litter will be ready, I imagine, in 4-5 months, late May or early June - should be just about right. She got my number and I have hers so I'll keep check. OR - maybe a GP puppy might show up at the shelter before then - who knows?
For those of you who did watch the Super Bowl - can you believe that??
Whoever made that call should be put in the outhouse. My goodness, Seattle had that game won. With a running back like they had and they tried a pass? Unbelievable. Oh, well, can't lose sleep over split milk, I guess, but I feel sorry for whoever did call that play.
terromari - remind me where you live, please. I remember an ice storm we had a few years back. We were out of power for two weeks. We lost everything in our freezer. One of our neighbors put things out of their freezer in a box - outside. That saved things for a while, then because they had a stove to cook on, they cooked everything. I hope your ice storm doesn't materialize.
I hate ice storms. We've had three terrible ones since 2000 and I don't want another one.
About the commercials for the Super Bowl. My favorite was the Budweiser one about the little dog and horses. They're always so cute.
I'm going to have to get the cats out of the bedroom - there's six on the bed with Barclee and I. I only let Phoebe sleep with us and she hasn't done that since Ray's been gone. I think she misses him. They say cats are one-person animals but she loved both of us the same.
What did you all think about the half-time show? Not my kind of music and I don't even know who Katy Perry is. I'm really out of the loop.
It was a good football game though but such a weird ending. That will be talked about from now on.
Hope you all have a restful night. Tomorrow is another day.
good morning all-
yes, the Superbowl was on, but I had a book. I only watch the commercials. There weren't that many really good ones this year, I didn't think. AND changed to Downton Abbey at 9 !!
Hhelen- we had chicken wings, curly fries, cheese stick & oven fried pickles ( store bought), sausage & cheese w/ crackers. Also I made a cake- yum !
Lorita - it's uncanny how the animals just know, isn't it? I could go out to see my horse anytime, but when it was actually food time, he'd come running to the fence !
Angela- welcome ! I'm a newbie here too, but I'll throw that out to you !! my mother lives in ShowLow, my niece & family in Tucson. I LOVE Arizona !! If I didn't have my kids here in GA, I might move !!
Lorita- that's the second time you've mentioned beans and cheese at the same time. Did you know there is a favorite British food combo : toast, beans, cheese, and bacon. Toast or broil- yum !!!
4-5 months might be just about right for you a new puppy- warmer weather would be easier, wouldn't it?
Carolyn- sorry you are having a down day, sending you a big (((hug))) and warm thoughts for a better day tomorrow
Foxytxn- glad you are here ! I know exactly what you mean about our LO no longer recognizing special days - my Dan was like that BEFORE he got sick, I guess I was used to it. Still sad, though.
Leanne-- save some chocolate chip cookies for me !! I am the world's biggest chocoholic - no meal complete without some !! lol !
LindaDee- I'm glad you are feeling better, too bad Ken has it now. That crud really gets around, doesn't it? I hope he feels better soon and doesn't get TOO sick with it...
Roxy- I have a "cheat sheet' in front of me as I go- my poor brain just cannot remember all I want to. I suffer from FBS, aka Full Brain Syndrome. Something new goes in, something old has to go out- no more room !! lol !
well, you all have encouraged me, so I am going in about an hour over to the aquatic center and try my first water exercise class since high school !!! I had to rummage out in the attic for my swim suit, but I have it on under my jeans & sweatshirt, no makeup, did not run on the treadmill this morning. After all the junky food last night, I HAVE to burn some calories today, so no changing my mind !!
I'll check back later and let you all know how it went !!
Well, bold isn't working for me this morning - guess it's too cold. WC temps here this morning were in the single digits but it's sunny and not too much wind. I did have to cut ice on the water tanks but the axes were handy.
I thought the game last night was good except for the last play - interception. Helen, I really didn't care who won the game but that last play was so dumb. I can see why they probably called it - thinking they would think they were going to run the ball but...
Bridget, maybe next year our Ravens will get in. I think Flacco is cute, too. I used to really like the Eagles when Cunningham was the quarterback. We also used to like the KC Chiefs - went to several of their games. Anyway, the game's over so on to other things.
I don't have anything particular on the agenda today except I think I will complete some of the insurance forms - some kind of insurance we've had for years where they pay for each day of hospitalization. I'm still waiting for information for that from the VA. I think I've found the pictures I want to send to Ray's brother and sister with the exception of having copies made of the one I have in the china cabinet.
Guess I could do the dishes (you all know I hate that) and make some potato soup. That would taste good in this cold weather.
Helen - your house in Walla Walla sounds so cute. Many years ago we had a Chief Social Worker who came from Walla Walla. That was really fast - just buying it and getting it rented in no time. Moving from one coast to the other will be a big change but I know you'll be glad to be close to your kids.
Bridget - I liked all the pictures - puppies of any kind are adorable. Guess that's why we've always had so many dogs. I think the timing on the puppy will be just about perfect unless our weather gets hot early. Maybe one will turn up at the shelter (probably not) before then. One never knows.
I ordered medications this morning from the ophthalmologist in OKC for Luther and Barclee. I have to give Luther 1/4 pill and eye ointment every day, Barclee - eye drops daily and I'm giving medicine to Tico and Simon for colds, also some eye ointment for Tico's eye.
I'm finding that I don't have a lot to do lately. I'm still doing the same things outside that I've done for years but not very much inside. Another thing - very little laundry and this morning I only had two sacks of trash, the biggest part of which is cans from cat and dog food. I think I mentioned we use throw rugs on our wooden floors. This is something they always say elderly people shouldn't use because of falling but neither Ray or I have ever had problems with them. He was always straightening the rugs with his foot because the cats keeps them messed up. Now, I find myself doing the same thing.
I do need to change the bed linens today and wash them but I won't wash Ray's pillow slip. It'll stay on his pillow as long as I need it to, along with his picture and stocking cap.
I'm wearing his red fleece top. When the weather gets warmer I'll have to find something cooler. Still don't know what I'll do with all of the clothes. When the weather's warmer I'm going through the clothes we've stored in the building and do something with them. We have a freezer out there (not working) where we stored sets of mother's dishes when we moved down here. No need for them either. People tend to hold onto things. I remember mother had her dad's overcoat and he passed away in 1941. I think we finally disposed of it when we had some work done on the house in the mid 90s. I still have some of her clothing from 1996.
Linda Dee - I think that raspy cough that Ken has holds on for a long, long time. I'm glad you're feeling better. It's been over four days since I've been in town so guess I avoided sickness. I don't expect to see anyone this week except maybe the vet if he needs to put out hay and, hopefully, the plumber to hook the generator up to the propane. Maybe I didn't even need to get the generator. I got it because I didn't want Ray to be cold or without warm food if we did have a power outage. It doesn't matter about me.
I tried to watch Doc Martin last night but went to sleep and missed the first 25 minutes of it so I'll watch Thursday night. I'd like to see a good movie on TV but lately there hasn't been anything worth watching.
I hope all of you have a good Monday and didn't get too much snow. It's supposed to be in the 50s here tomorrow and upper 60s by next weekend.
Well, the snow Sandy sent to Carolyn has now been sent to me! 5 inches so far - will let you know the total when it is done! Seems like my truck has not been out of 4WD for well over a week now - big sigh!
I am not a football fan but did go to camp with DH to watch the game with the boys. They are all happy with the outcome, even DH who bet on Seattle. His reasoning was that if Seattle won, he would win some money, but if New England won, his team would win, so he figured it was a win-win situation. Kinda makes sense I guess. He did exclaim that it was the best $50 he ever lost - LOL!
Our Superbowl menu was pepperoni/cheese/cracker tray, hot wings, pigs-in-blankets and sauteed venison bites. Yum!
The extreme cold is finally getting to my girls! Have a respiratory icky going through my henhouse and have lost 1 hen so far. Am on day 3 of medicating with Vet RX drops, and chores are taking alot longer than usual. Hope we can get it cleared up soon!
This is getting to be a habit with me - I type a reply, somehow hit the wrong key and it disappears. Oh, well, I'll try again.
Leanne - thank goodness we have a king-sized bed, however, all the cats seem to want to lay on my feet. Barclee lays on Ray's side but during the night he moves over against me. But, I'm glad he's there - cats stay in the LR at night.
I always dread getting started on taxes, too, but once I've begun, it's not so bad - doesn't take that long to get things together.
Do the other animals seem to miss Julie very much? I know you do - takes a while to get over that after you've had them so long.
You are really industrious making so many cookies. I have some packages of sugar cookie mix in the pantry that Ray bought but if I bake them, I'll eat them so I'll try not to do that.
I did make the potato soup today - with some grated carrots in it. Tasted pretty good.
It's been cold here today - barely made it to freezing and will be cold tonight because it's already clear - the moon is really pretty - full moon tomorrow night. I'm sorry all of you up north and northeast are having so much snow - I just can't imagine that much snow at one time. I hope we don't get any more this year.
Bjjca - a couple of years ago someone else made the comment that their husband had gone into a NH and there were a couple of ladies that always wanted to sit next to him. I also think it's nice that he's made friends and is doing all right.
Joan - I know you feel so much better about your decision to place Harv - knowing that he seems to like it there. That will make it so much easier for you.
terromari - I'm not sure I'd like to be 64 again - that would mean we were just about ready to begin this long, hard journey again. I'd rather go back to 44 or even 54, if I had a choice. I'll be 73 in a few months and that seems scary to me, too.
I didn't go into the chatroom last night but the two nights I was there I did enjoy it - keeps you hopping to keep up.
I haven't done much of anything today. Can't seem to get started on anything. I did finish up the last of the thank-you cards and paid some bills so I'll have to take them down to the mailbox in the morning.
I may watch The Bachelor tonight. My sister watches it and says they're supposed to be in Santa Fe tonight so thought I might see some pretty scenery. jfkoc - do you still have your place in Santa Fe?
I cut ice on the water tanks this morning and what they didn't drink was frozen again this afternoon. The dog's water refroze in a couple of hours. I ran some more in the water tank in the loafing area but the cattle have gone to the NE pasture so it'll be frozen by the time they come back up.
Bridget - I think I mentioned to you that Bubba did go to another home. Liam is still here with the other four little ones.
Guess I'll get off and maybe play some poppit. For some reason some times I can play it on my tablet and other times I can't.
I'll check in later tonight to see what's happening.
Welcome - I'm glad you joined in again. We've all been here so long we're kind of used to each other but I have trouble remembering where a lot of us live.
I was in the chatroom a night or two ago and there was someone in there from Nova Scotia - can't remember her name.
It seems like all of you all in the north and northeast this year are having lots of snow. I have a cousin who lives in Cape Code and he said they had 30" of snow a few days ago. We don't have much snow here in Oklahoma - mostly ice. Occasionally we do have snow - once a few years ago actually had about 20". We were snowed in for a few days. Our house is a quarter of a mile from the main room so it happens occasionally. But, that time, even the main room was snowed in for a few days.
We've really had a pretty nice winter here - had 3" of snow last November but so far that's all - just some really cold weather off and on.
I'm glad you have family close by - that will be a big help to you. Ray and I were married almost 44 years but had no children. His relatives live in the Texas Panhandle and my one sister lives in Oklahoma City so except for a few cousins we were alone. I lost him January 15th and it's very lonesome. We live on a farm and have cattle and lots of cats and dogs so I'm never alone but not much conversation from the animals.
Again, glad you joined us again. You'll get used to everyone, just jump in when you have something you want to say or ask. We come to this thread to visit and support each other. Everyone here on the forum is wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without all of them.