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Need help
Posted: Thursday, June 9, 2016 6:27 PM
Joined: 3/8/2016
Posts: 2

I am 63 with dementia and my  73 yr old husband  of 39 years has Alzheimer's. I need help but instead I am taking care of him.  Our daughter had taken over our bills but gave them back because of my husband's spending habits.  Now I have to do them which is real hard for me.  We would have money leftover after paying the bills for food .and other necessities, except he has been spending $460 our money left on his hobby. Nothing I say about not spending so much nothing seems to work and he feels entitled to get what he wants. I don't want to fight with him because I never win anymore., and it makes me too stressed.  My therapist said I should look into going into assisted living without him, I feel terrible but not sure if I could do this to him 

Thanks for letting me vent

Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, June 9, 2016 9:05 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18719

Welcome, Nanarandi. What a challenge for you!  You must take care of yourself and care for your husband.  I suggest you ask your daughter to come back, and the two of you read the posts on the Spouse/Partner board.  There are many posts about just what you are dealing with.

You need to get control of the money.  In general, the solution to your problem might be to open an new account that your husband does not have access to.  You can keep the old account open, but have the income deposited into the new account.  Just leave a predetermined amount of money in the old account.

I wish I had more for you, but the spouses have gone through this and they will have much to tell you.  You might want to post on that board, as well as read the threads.

Please tell us more about yourself.  What are you doing for your own dementia?  Have you been formally diagnosed by a neurologist?  Are you on medication?  Despite what you may have read or heard, there is treatment for dementia.  We follow Best Practices to help ourselves function better and to prolong the early stages.  These are lifestyle habits that help us.  These include:

--taking medications as prescribed

--eating the Mediterranean diet with antioxidant fruits and vegetables, fish, and nuts

--exercising vigorously

--continuing to stimulate our brains

--continuing to socialize.

We avoid stress, get good sleep and use complimentary therapies, such as aromatherapy, as desired.

Please come back and update us.  You can post on the Younger Onset board, because that is where most of us post, regardless of age.

Iris L.

Mimi S.
Posted: Friday, June 10, 2016 8:21 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7027

Dear Nanarandi,

Welcome to our world. We are so glad that you found us. You do need help. Iris has given some great ideas.

You do both need to see a Certified Elder Law Attorney. Do have your daughter with you.  Do tell the attorney ahead of time about your husband's spending habits.

Also do call your County Aging Office and your local Alz. Chapter to see what help might be available. These phone numbers can be found by asking our help line 1-800-272-3900.

And do stay with us.  Has your type of dementia been diagnosed?

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