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How do you tell your parent that they are going to a LTC?
Posted: Saturday, June 11, 2016 2:04 AM
Joined: 5/20/2016
Posts: 15

We are going to put my dad in a LTC and mom wants to tell him, but i think that it would just confuse him more.. Help!!!!
Posted: Saturday, June 11, 2016 9:54 AM
Joined: 5/7/2014
Posts: 270

You can ask the facility for tips. They often can advise you.
Posted: Saturday, June 11, 2016 11:04 AM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5213

Depending on his ability to remember or if he has Alz or some other form of dementia-you can tell him what will cause him the least amount of distress. A lie, or fiblet, may be best-like dad, you are staying at this senior hostel till we get the leaking basement/attic fix and mom is staying with us. Or a half truth- dad, you are here to get some rehab on that stiff knee/hip. Tell the truth if you think he can digest it but not if it will cause him depression and lost of hope. I have seen families use many tactics.

When I put my mother in a MC for respite-I told her she was in a senior hotel while I went out of town on business. She had always believe that work obligations were important and anytime I left the house I told her I was off to work.  (Of course her caregiver was with her-not a good idea to ever leave a dementia patient alone.) Even though I saw her everyday at the MC, I told her the same story each evening because she couldn't remember from minute to minute. During the day she was engaged in the routine of the MC and probably felt something was amiss, but not enough to cause her distress. Good luck!

Posted: Saturday, June 11, 2016 4:00 PM
Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 409

We did not tell my MIL or DD when  placement was necessary as both were beyond remembering from one day to the next. Thus we went the route of, "The Dr. says you need to be here for observation and until they have figured out your medications." It doesn't mean it wasn't a rough ride to start but they were both where they belonged as we were neither qualified or able to meet either of their needs at the time.



Posted: Saturday, June 11, 2016 6:18 PM
Joined: 4/5/2015
Posts: 77

When I had to get my friend (I'm POA) into MC (against her will, due to denial of wandering issue) co-located with an AL place we had talked about visiting for their free lunch and tour, I had to schedule that right after a visit to her doctor to have Doctor's Orders signed before MC would admit her.  She was sold on the free 

lunch and tour, but began to balk and backpedal when she saw all the physically impaired folks in the dining room.  The skilled, kind and creative MC staff helped us skip lunch and just "take the tour," starting back in the MC unit.  Once behind that locked door they took over, explaining to her that her doctor felt she should stay there for a while to "stabilize her medications."  She had been diagnosed with dementia, 99% sure it's AD, and she appeared to understand that, yet denied having behaved in so many ways that led to her needing to be in MC.  It's been a little over a year now, and she still doesn't see why she should be there.  Needless to say, no family, friends or medical folks agree!   The most acceptable approach still seems to be the"stabilize the meds" routine, as she really doesn't know how long she has lived there (ranges from 2 weeks to 3 years, according to her...)

Different things will work for different folks.  Best of luck to you!

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