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When photos and urns are all we have
Posted: Tuesday, January 10, 2017 3:09 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122

My mother died June 2015 - 10 months later I had a home fire and was displaced while repairs to fire, water and smoke damage was completed- 

I recently returned to my home and my grief seems to have picked up where it had left off at the time of the fire...being home is comforting but it very much takes me back to those early months of grief...

I had planned to bury my mother's ashes with my father in a military cemetery but that plan was thwarted due to the fire because the cemetery where my father is is 500 miles from her.

At the time of my mother's cremation the funeral home knew I wanted a portion of ashes for me.  I finally ordered and received the keepsake urn that I have longed for.  I'm sad that this and the photos that I have are the only things left...its still unreal.

I have attached a photo of the keepsake urn.


File Attachment(s):
keepsake1.png (57573 bytes)

Still Waters
Posted: Tuesday, January 10, 2017 3:14 PM
Joined: 2/6/2012
Posts: 1092

I think about that a lot too Bela. I look at pictures and videos and think "that is all there is, the story is over, its ends there" and yes it does not seem real. Maybe I don't want it to seem real.

Posted: Tuesday, January 10, 2017 3:36 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122

Oh Still Waters, you are right, the photos end there.  I still wake up in the morning.  I miss holding my mother...

Thinking of you friend.

Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2017 12:04 AM
Joined: 11/16/2015
Posts: 22

My husband's cremains/ashes were placed in a lovely marble urn that I had selected for him.  His name, birth and death dates are etched on the urn.  I placed the urn on top of his beloved desk and right next to it, I placed a photo of him where he is smiling and waiving back at me.  The photo was taken 18 months ago at a baseball game.

I made my DH a promise that I would take his ashes to his favorite beach in Florida but until I am financially able to do so (I'm in Texas)  I will have his urn here with me.

At first, I was apprehensive having the urn here at the house but in a way it turned out to be sort comforting knowing I have a bit of him. I know it's silly but sometimes I talk to him when I look at his photo but deep inside I know he is gone and I am alone in this house. 

Sorry to hear about your home fire.  Must have been awful-- I cannot even imagine. God Bless.


Posted: Thursday, January 12, 2017 2:21 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105


That is a very pretty urn, I think it's perfect.  I like the idea of having a bit of them stay with us.  It is comforting.

I have things that have my parents' handwriting.  I don't have their ashes, but I have photos, some of their belongings, some of their furnishings.  I like having these things.  They are just things, but they belonged to them and that makes me happy to have them with me in my home.

I find myself looking in my living room and remembering when my parents came over and sat in a certain chair, I think to myself, they were here in this room, with me.  Bittersweet thoughts.  I'm glad I have the memories.  I keep wishing they will visit in a dream, I keep waiting.

Posted: Thursday, January 12, 2017 10:11 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122

Thank you everyone fir sharing

KML I didn't many if the things 

 By the way did you know there are companies that make hand writing jewelry I've also thought of a tattoo and I'm not attached to type this thing called grief is so so difficult 

His Daughter
Posted: Sunday, January 15, 2017 10:58 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2270


Your urn is so pretty.  And of course, I know and understand this feeling of loss.

But think for just a moment of all we really do have, even when we have lost someone we love.  

 We have enjoyed and benefitted from all the laughter and joy of this relationship. We have all those good feelings we shared.  We have been given a wonderful, sound and solid foundation.  We have our life time of memories.  We have loved and been deeply loved.  We have the comforting knowledge that WE are the people responsible for all the loving care our parent received.  And for that, we can always look back with pride in ourselves.   We have developed additional kindred spirit friendships.  We have learned that we never give up or give in.  We have traveled a very hard and difficult road, and been an inspiration to others.  We have given and been additional support for those traveling this journey with us. (You certainly were for me!)   We survived, where others have failed. And whether or not we ever heard the words, I know our parents thank us with all their hearts for what we did. (How many people can say that?)   We are the children that they raised, and more importantly,  deserved. (Our parents are so proud of us.)  We are the legacy for these wonderful people.  

And our job now, is to grieve and never forget.   But to also cherish all we have been given. To see our glass as half full, instead of completely empty.  While this bumpy road of grief takes it's last wind out of our (never ending) sails, eventually, we will move forward to live happy, independent, and healthy lives, wrapped in this blanket of love we were so fortunate to experience.    

Because it all comes back to just one thing.  What do we do with what's left of OUR DASH.      


Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2017 10:27 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122

Thank you!!!
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