Loading discussion content. Please wait...
Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone
Interesting article on grieving the first two years
. . . I loathe the word, "closure." When I hear this from newscasters who talk about finding a murderer so the family can gain "closure," I find myself cringing. As if . . . .
Wow. Thank you so much. I'm two months into year 2 and this is exactly what is happening to me. I have been struggling with the question of why my loss is getting more difficult rather than "easier". I held up for the first year and now I'm sinking into my grief. Unlike other depressions in my life I am watching and knowing this one is happening. Adding meds hasn't helped. It was inexplicable to me. I am going to share this with my docs, therapist, etc.
I have been trying to wean off this site thinking that it's part of the process but I haven't and can't. I read every day. I haven't been posting though. I am so grateful to my e-village and e-friends. You saved me during my dementia journey and continue to rescue me. I have always felt that our loved ones dementia gifted this site to us. A very special legacy.
It has only been three months for me but I think one thing that has helped me is that I have no regrets. I cared for my DH at home until the end and was alone with him when he drew his last breath. I had said everything that I needed to say to him and do not feel that we had any unfinished issues. I don't necessarily think we all need to go thru all the steps of grief that are written about. How can we not go thru some of them when we are caretaking for a length of time and know what the outcome will be.
I have good days and bad days, of course, but I have two lunch groups that I go to, one that I had gone to for years before I had to curtail all of my activities, and one new group from my church. I'm going to start going to a knitting group at the senior center, called Stitch and Bitch. Just the name sounds friendly to me. I have a cat that is very snuggly and she gives me a lot of attention and sleeps with me. I talk to her a lot and it feels that there is another living being in the house.
I know everyone is different and there is no "normal" time for grieving. I will always miss my best friend but I'm trying to build my new life alone in positive ways. I think there's room for both.
Thank you for your responses- I'm glad it puts it in back and white there is no "normal" timeframe.
I agree Jo- "closure"???? I'm sure I have used that term myself, but I realized a long time ago, it's not closure.
Nancy, beautifully put! "...Room for both"
MP- agreed...I've had people tell me to snap out of it, or you don't feel like talking about it with the friends that don't have time for you anymore , Because they feel you should be moving on. It seems that people don't notice the baby steps that we are taking to move forward. Again, unless you've been through it, it's very hard to be able to relate to.
Peter5- for me, I think that knowing in my heart that I did everything I could to abide by my dad's wishes has helped. No regrets-that doesn't mean I was perfect, or didn't get frustrated or extremely tired or any of that-it means that I know I did the very best for my dad that I could, he was able to stay at home, and I was holding his hand and telling him how much I loved him even as he took his last breath on this earth.
I do believe that my dad and I both were very blessed in the time that we had together and I think that helps somewhat the scar to scab over, but it breaks open often. I know losing my mom that as years pass, that scab doesn't break open as often as it used to-it's been 21 years. I try and hold onto that-knowing that as time passes it will be like that with my dad.
If you're affected by time change, a wise man once told me poptarts can help
Heck- even if you weren't affected by it, eat one anyway
Jfkoc-I know it's cheesecake for you!
Always be VK