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Talking to someone and no one there
Does anyone else take
care of someone with Alzheimer's that is talking to him/herself most of the
My father, I not sure if
he's actually seeing his relatives or just hearing their voices with his
hallucinations. He doesn't want to do certain things unless his mom says
it's ok, or he does things he shouldn't be doing and says his mom told him to
do it (both his parents have been dead for years). And, he consistently speaks
to himself as if he's talking to someone or hearing someone. Often, we
hear him say, "Ok Mama, yes, they're right here. Ok mama..."
referring to me and the caretaker. He sometimes seems to be afraid of us
and lately he's always angry. Also, according to his voices, his mom is
sometimes telling him not to eat the food we serve him nor do anything we say.
He started hitting me unexpectantly while I was
washing the dishes yesterday and I asked him why did he do that. He said
my mom told him to do it (my mom has been dead for years too). He was angry and
he really doesn't know I'm his daughter anymore. It started with the
bathing and he got upset with me and hit me. After that, I felt the urge
to tell him we are just not getting along and that I think he would be happier
living in another home. I guess this made him upset, although I'm not sure he
really understood what I was saying.
I'm guessing this behavior will not stop, and
I'm afraid when I'm asleep at night. It's only him and I during the
weekends and I'm just waiting for the next time he attacks me.
The drugs are not working with his moods anymore
and the hallucinations have never gotten any less. I'm guessing by the next time
I see the psychiatrist the prescription will change again.
This is much more that I'm equipped to handle
and I feel so much dread daily.
Check this link out:
Please protect yourself. Maybe that means a lock on your bedroom door at night. I use a motion sensor in my mother's room with a wireless alarm in my room so I would know when she tried to get up. Something like that would still allow you to keep tabs on when your father got up and you could then check on him. BTW, I have noticed all phases seem to pass, so this hitting will hopefully pass.
If he can afford it, this may be the right time for placement if you cannot handle the care. I always knew that a day may come when I could no longer handle my mother's care and need to place her. For years I have been checking out different places and have narrowed it down to 2-in both cases I tried a short respite. They seem adequate. Maybe a short respite is what you need, too.
If you are uncomfortable at night or fearful, please take necessary steps to ensure your safety. As previously mentioned by another, motion sensors are good, or install locks. I suppose putting some heavy furniture to barricade the door could also be helpful until you can get something more permanent.
If you worry about your dad's safety, then other plans will likely need to be considered for him. My mom has hallucinations too. I used to wonder if they were spirits of loved ones, but believe they are not since these "people" do not have messages of love but are instead just there. It's hard to accept, but that is her reality and I worry where they may some day take her. She's already wondered outside her house in the dark at 4:00 a.m. looking for her grand daughter who came to visit. She lives at home with my dad and he doesn't think she has a problem.
Thank you everyone. Also, I think when he started entering possibly stage 6, or maybe it was worsening, he was always really worried that he did something wrong and began asking everyone if he hurt them in any way. And then in February this year, he broke down crying saying his head hurt and he needed to talk to my sister and I before anything happened to him. He thought he was going to die and told me his last wishes.
I'm now wondering if he started hearing the voices around this time, and he didn't want to tell me. He was always a reserved person, and now it saddens me that he was crying for help and didn't know how to explain what he was feeling or experiencing.
I wish he had told me if he was hearing anything already. But I know he was feeling a lot of anxiety. That's when he started acting odd and waking up very confused during the night. The hallucinations or delusions started slowly and has now progressed to this. This is very sad and he suffers.
His appt with the psychiatrist should be made for sooner than later. If he is suffering, they will want to help him.
Keep his environment calm, bright and play gospel music or something he likes from his era so he can hear that instead of the "voices". Don't have the TV or radio on in his room. Cover mirrors. If this was my dad, I would try everything, aromatherapy, massage, hemp oil, coconut oil, anything to find him relief. Maybe something will help. Sorry he is suffering. Good luck and take care.
I would be interested in learning more about the "phases" you mentioned - I'm new to this site and am learning so much. Dad is now in a nursing home which we hate since the quality of his care appears to depend on which aids are scheduled that day - so very scary. He has episodes of sundowning when he cries and tells Mom that she didn't help him when his father was beating him (thinking she is his mother). It's heartbreaking. I haven't seen any information on phases and would be interested in knowing where dad is - thanks for any information you can provide.
I can so relate to your sense of dread and am so sorry for what you're going through - We're still searching for answers and will be praying for you and your father and your journey - know you are not alone!
Thank you Daughter of a Marine. I'm guessing my father is at stage 6. I'm glad you mentioned that your dad is crying about his father beating him because it allows me to compare to what my dad is doing or maybe remembering of his own past. Is it possible that your dad did get beat by his father? My dad is sort of acting like he may be around age ~ adolescent, sometimes younger, then maybe in early 20's. It's been all mixed up. But lately he acts awful and very rude. I know little of his past, but according to my mom and my older sisters, he was abusive to my mom in the early part of their marriage. And I recall my mother mentioning to me that her mother-in-law shared personal information to her about my father about him as a young man. I've asked my aunts and uncle if it's true that my father was abusive to his siblings, but they deny it. I feel like they're hiding something from me. I know this disease can make the person violent or combative, but I'm curious if this horrible behavior is possibly a manifestation of his past as well.
That's why I became a little fearful when I first saw some signs of abusive behavior.
But, remembering back, the hard part of this disease is not knowing for certain if it is Alzheimer's. He was diagnosed barely early last year, and that's only because I needed help from his neurologist to write a letter for me. The neurologist was willing to declare him as incapacitated in a letter only after a neuropsychological exam. In other words, when was my father actually ever going to have that exam, if it wasn't for me needing help to take over as his POA? I was in denial of his dementia for a long time, and not really prepared of what was to happen. It would of helped if the neurologist would have at least assumed that I was ignorant about this disease. But, I guess that wasn't really his fault because I nor my dad asked questions. Only once, probably about year 2015, I asked, "So, what is exactly his diagnosis?" But the doctor couldn't say for certain at that time, only that it appeared very similar to Alzheimer's.
When I began searching information about the stages, it was confusing because I would see a little bit of him in 2 or 3 stages at a time. But now, he is really out of it, I would definitely say a 6.
I first noticed something odd around year 2013. It was a photo of his temporary ID (he kept losing his driver's license). He appeared scared and confused in that photo. And I felt something before that time, like I had to rush to do things before something would happen. I was only concerned about his age (he is now 76) and that something would suddenly happen without him taking care of his own affairs. But I guess I was picking up on signs that were bothering me, but I just didn't know his actions were typical of someone with this disease.
Daughter of Marine, check out this site if you haven't already: